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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
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5
arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2017 20:17

How about Mn start using the phrase 'being joan'd' as a phrase for when some tight arse expects you to subsidise their meal?

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 20:18

Just bring a calculator with you all. And a printer, and an impartial observer when calculating the bill. Jeez feck sake.

It cannot be that difficult to say it BEFORE the bill arrives. But no. Drama of course with open mouths when someone says it AFTER the bill arrives. Could be so simple.

This is just ridiculous.

Je suis laughing out loud.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 15/04/2017 20:18

Me and the husband wen out a Few weeks ago with friends. I didnt eat as much, i dont tend to order more than one course. People were ordering starters and sides. Husbnd was driving, So no alcohol, i had two shandies. Bill was split equally. I worked out we paid £40 on top of what we consumed. I also agree with Joan

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 15/04/2017 20:19

I don't get why people don't just pay for what they consume. I think Joan(OP) is in the right.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/04/2017 20:20

Wow Talkingof that's a lot, especially if your on a budget.

Teatimebear · 15/04/2017 20:21

I'm also on #teamJoan

I've had this before. At a friend's birthday (isn't it always!) One of my friends ('Sally') has an eating disorder and got the single side-dish on the menu that she could stomach, and a coke. Birthday girl's 'work friends' got starters, mains, desserts and coffees. When they suggested we split the bill, Sally's boyfriend was gobsmacked and explained several times she'd only had a side.
The work-friends were MOST put out and made it so awkward that I didn't dare say that I only wanted to pay for my single main meal and soft drink! I was very low on funds, too, and would not have even come out if it wasn't a special birthday. Paid at least double my meal's cost because they were such arses, and I didn't want to announce to them over dinner that I was poor!

I just couldn't believe how shitty they were about someone who'd had ONE SIDE DISH not wanting to pay for their four-course meals! Still pisses me off and it's been at least 4 years.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 15/04/2017 20:22

Yea aero it was an expensive night!

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 15/04/2017 20:23

Jeaniusly, when I go out to meal I think it's a given that we all pay for what we ordered, maybe that's what Joan thought too and was surprised when her friends decided it should be split evenly.

UnicornButtplug · 15/04/2017 20:25

I think Joan was right. A single mum of 3 maybe she couldn't afford to pay extra and ordered according to her budget. Those saying what goes around comes around are obviously financially better off than me!

TrickyKid · 15/04/2017 20:26

I used to have to pay for what I'd orderd because I couldn't afford to split the bill. I would purposely order a cheeper meal and not drink alcohol just so I could go out.
I can afford to split the bill now wouldn't assume others can or would want to. No big deal if she wants to pay for what she had.
YABU

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/04/2017 20:26

#teamjoan here.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/04/2017 20:27

That is really bad Teatime, thank god I have never had any problems like that, most of my friends are on a budget anyway, and we go to reasonable priced places. Or ask the waiter to calculate what we each ate and drank, and would pay by card separately.

FeralBeryl · 15/04/2017 20:27

Fucking crying at #jesuisjoan Grin

Oh and Team Joan btw.
I think most of us have been the one sitting on the end of the table wincing as people keep on ordering extras and knowing we'll have to miss the drinks afterwards because we've subsidised it.
Well no more!

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 20:28

@Captain,

Like I said, communication about these things is so important. If everyone knows BEFORE the bill arrives that each person/couple pays for their own and their kids consumption on the day that is great and everyone knows what to expect.

If others ASSUME differently because this has not been said, it is not so great.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 15/04/2017 20:28

feral sounds like youre leading the revolution!

Kanga59 · 15/04/2017 20:29

If anything it should have been split 4 ways, no?

That a lot of wine and cheese for Joan to subsidise. I think the scoffers shouldn't be the people to suggest how the bill is split, as they will always choose equal split.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 15/04/2017 20:29

Should have made the kids pay

PinkSquash · 15/04/2017 20:30

Team Joan

Teabagtits · 15/04/2017 20:30

#teamJoan here too.

I don't drink or eat much when out and hate subsidising greedy bastards and their offspring because they're too lazy/entitled* *delete as applicable to work out what they owe.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/04/2017 20:30

@Jeaniusly - why was it Joan's responsibility to say she didn't want to split the bill? Why was it not the responsibility of those who wanted to split the bill equally to say so beforehand?

Could it be because they wanted to order the expensive stuff and stuff their friend into paying for part of it for them, and didn't want to give the friend the chance to say no?

They shouldn't have ordered more/more expensive stuff and expected someone else to subsidise them - that was rude.

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 20:31

@Rufus. LOL.

There is a lot of angst going on around here.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 15/04/2017 20:31

Jeaniusly but it's not that big of a deal surely? I'm crap at maths but it's not that hard to work out who had what and what their share of the bill is.

thedcbrokemybank · 15/04/2017 20:31

We have 4 dc and always end up worse off. Often if out with friends we split the bill per head. However dh doesn't drink and 2 of our dc are much younger than the rest so they consume a lot less. One family in particular are very gluttonous and it does grate somewhat that we have to subsidise them.

Coverup890 · 15/04/2017 20:31

#teamjoan here too im tee total and really hate it when ive been to meals where people are drinking loads of wine etc and then expect me to pay the same as them.

NoCapes · 15/04/2017 20:33

But Jean why would anyone assume that another person at the table would pay for part of their meal???
I would never assume that Confused

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