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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 16/04/2017 22:46

I agree with apple and those who have said similar.

stbxh thought he got the lie ins whenever he wanted plus full nights most of the time.

styrgil how old with the kids once your sahped? Makes a big difference.

notomatoes · 16/04/2017 22:50

Hmm 6 mths and still feeding every 3 hrs is out of the ordinary in my view for a child that has standard development

DS was still doing this at 10 months... and still waking twice a night until about 15 months. Nothing wrong with his development.

Luckily my DP understood how horrendous that broken sleep was for me and didn't demand a lie in after 8 hours uninterrupted sleep every night. He understood that he had to make sacrifices for his DC, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to function. 1 lie in each at a weekend? Fuck that.

notomatoes · 16/04/2017 22:59

RB68 that advice is awful. You cannot train your breasts to not produce milk for one night out of 7. And water for a 4 month premature baby?

coconutpie · 16/04/2017 22:59

This thread is depressing. On what planet is it ok for one partner to get 9 hours uninterrupted sleep per night and demand a lie-in vs the other partner never getting a full night's sleep? What a selfish twat he is to expect a lie-in while his exhausted wife is running on empty! Why does he deserve a lie-in? If he can't cope with his day job on 9 hours sleep, then there's something wrong with him and I agree with a pp - he should see a doctor. He does not need a fucking lie-in. His sleep deprived wife needs every available opportunity for a lie-in because she gets fuck all sleep as it is!

And as for this sleep when the baby sleeps BS - that just doesn't happen. Some babies don't nap for long. And also, the OP is breastfeeding - her issue is not caused by breastfeeding. These suggestions of just give a bottle are totally unhelpful. Her issue is caused by a selfish husband who thinks he deserves way more sleep than she'll ever get!

YANBU.

coconutpie · 16/04/2017 23:02

Do NOT follow RB68 advice. Advising water for a baby that young is dangerous advice. Water should not be given at all for babies less than 6 months and should not replace breastmilk feeds.

coconutpie · 16/04/2017 23:03

And it is perfectly normal for a baby to wake at night for a feed at 6 months (and older!)

boatyroo · 16/04/2017 23:17

coconutpie completely agree, this thread is depressing.
Actually can't believe some people think it is fairer for the OP's husband to get an extra couple of hours sleep after sleeping (or at least having the opportunity to sleep) 9 hours a night.

Emboo19 · 16/04/2017 23:17

Op's baby is 6 months coconut also the baby already has a bottle at 9 o'clock so I don't think suggestions of giving bottles or changing the time of the bottle is such a bad idea.

Op hasn't been back recently, so hasn't answered if there's a reason they haven't tried dad doing a later feed than 9, which would seem fairer all round.

I agree if Op's sleep is so disturbed, that her partner should be offering to let her lie in both mornings.

I'm a bit shocked at him going to bed at 9 though, for one he's feeding baby at 9, so realistically he won't be going to bed until 9.30/10 at the earliest. That still seems really early for a grown up, that might just be me though.
Me and my partner rarely go to bed before 12! And he's up at 5.30/6 for work!

cherish123 · 16/04/2017 23:39

YABU. It is much easier to be at home. I know it is tiring if you are up in the night. However, you can relax during the day if you are tired.

cherish123 · 16/04/2017 23:50

Depends also what he means by a lie in. 9am fine, midday - not ok.

Penhacked · 17/04/2017 00:25

Relaxing and sleeping are not the same thing. I personally think broken sleep is hard and you need the lie ins right now. He is getting nine hours unbroken sleep a night. That is a lot. Just because you are at home doesn't make it easier to have to stay awake when you are tired. I also think tired mother's looking after little babies is a recipe for accidents and depression

Ecureuil · 17/04/2017 00:36

I also think tired mother's looking after little babies is a recipe for accidents and depression

I agree with this. I fell down the stairs when DD1 was tiny in a complete sleep deprived fog.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 17/04/2017 01:29

Even if relaxing and sleeping were the same thing, which they're not, or relaxing were an adequate substitute for sleeping, which it isn't, OP is looking after a baby during the day. You simply cannot assume this is conducive to relaxing. Some days it is somewhat, if you've an easy baby. But it's hardly a guarantee.

Honestly, the arguments that people are employing in favour of the DH lie ins are pathetic.

gluteustothemaximus · 17/04/2017 02:10

I gets the broken sleep. I gets the lie ins. We tend to share pretty much everything, but if I am running on empty, then no way would DH not let me catch up with a lovely lie in.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture after all.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 17/04/2017 02:31

Far too many replies for me to read them all.

Just to clarify a few points-

I am happy to do the breastfeeds at night because I don't have to go to work the next day.
We could swap the bottle until later, but he often feeds at 10 and 1 so I think 1 is too late for DH to do it when he is at work the next day.
DS is normally developing. He is on the 50th centile for weight and always has been. He just stills feeds every 3 hours, always has done.

OP posts:
Blueskyrain · 17/04/2017 05:35

Why don't your at least swap those feeds at weekends. If you go to bed at half 10 after the 10pm feed, then you can get until 3am - so a 4.5hr block rather than the 2.5hr block.

I guess it depends on your natural body clocks as well. For me, a midnight to 1am feed and then sleeping after sounds OK, but my natural bedtime is gone midnight. If you are both able to arrange things to fit with your natural rhythms as much as possible, you might find it easier.

foxessocks · 17/04/2017 05:49

Yanbu. My dh gets up between 5 and 6 for work but still lets me have a lie in whenever he is off work because I am up every night with the baby ( also breastfeeding and ds has never taken a bottle at all). Dh gets 7-8 hours sleep a night, he might be disturbed occasionally or get up to settle DS if I'm struggling occasionally but he isn't doing the bulk of it. I haven't had 7- 8 hours sleep for 8 months! I probably get about 5 + 6 hours broken sleep so an a extra hour or two at the weekend is so important. And I can't take it easy or have naps during the day as I have a 3 year old.

Dh regularly stays up later than me so my feeling is if he was that tired he'd go to bed early like I do!

florencebabyjo · 17/04/2017 06:23

I just wondered why DC still wakes every 3 hours at 6 months old. You should be able to do a late feed and then a 6 o'clock morning feed. Might help both of you

Penhacked · 17/04/2017 06:35

Florence plenty of breastfed babies are still working every three hours for feeds.

AlcoholicsUnanimous · 17/04/2017 06:52

YANBU OP. Why are people trying to turn this thread around to 'What's wrong with your baby, feeding every 3 hours?' (answer- nothing, it's completely normal) or 'You can nap during the day' (said by people with no experience of looking after a baby who does not nap well, presumably.) Your DH gets to sleep through EVERY night, of course you deserve a lie in for 2 out of 7 days.

Mixedupmummy · 17/04/2017 07:18

Yanbu! my dh always let me lie in when he could. We have 2 Dds and he did it when both were babies and not sleeping through. Once they were sleeping we took turns. Yes he's working but so are you! Babies are hard work and continuous broken sleep is awful and makes everything hard work. If he insists on taking turns for lie ins I'd insist he helps during the night feeds. Even if just to bring baby to you. Only fair! Pretty sure he'd change his mind about your lie ins quickly then!

ittakes2 · 17/04/2017 07:20

To be honest I think you need to address why your son is being fed every three hours during the night at 6 months old so you can both get some sleep. That's more of a feeding time table for a new born. Sounds like he needs to have more solid food during the day. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 4.5 years old and I spent a fortune on sleep consultants and read a zillion books. You might find a trip to the library to get some baby sleep and food books helpful.

doge · 17/04/2017 07:54

To be honest I think you need to address why your son is being fed every three hours during the night at 6 months old so you can both get some sleep

Jesus he's 6 months old! 6 months! Not 6 years. He's a BABY!

OP YANBU. Lie ins are a luxury you don't get if you're already getting a full night's sleep every night. I am terrible at lie ins but when my bf baby wasn't sleeping dh would always give me a massive nap over the weekend, I lived for it!

Babytalkobsession · 17/04/2017 08:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable!!! At all! You are doing all the night feeds, he gets uninterrupted sleep.

I do all the night wakes for our 9 month old, 1-2 a night plus 3 year old wakes most nights. I've told DH we can share lie in once baby is reliably sleeping through.

Getting up at 6am is not as hard as being woken every 3 hours, and then dealing with a baby & toddler all day. It just isn't. I'm surprised how many people are saying you should give him a lie in - I presume they either haven't had such a frequent waker or they like being a martyr!

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 17/04/2017 08:02

So odd that people think it odd for a 6 month old to wake that many times. Some babies do and some don't. You are lucky if yours doesn't. I have 3 and all mine did different things at night (I slept through from about 4 months, next one up every 2 hours until 13 months and the next slept through from about 8 months). Every child is different. Anyway that is not what the OP asked. Yes, it is incredibly selfish for DP to have a lie in whilst you have nights of broken sleep. I find the responses on this thread worrying. I work full time in a very senior role and believe me, it is much easier than staying at home, sleep deprived with a baby. He needs to pull himself together and go to bed earlier if he is tired. When the baby sleeps through then you can go back to sharing the lie ins but not now.

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