Worried She is Having An Affair

[jamesk0001]

DW has lost a lot of weight over the last few months since the new year, going from 10 stone to 7 stone and is making a real effort to look better, going to the gym, wearing make up etc, buying new clothes.

Last night she went out with the girls and got home late. I was in bed and she thought I was asleep.

I noticed that when she got undressed she was wearing stockings and had totally shaved down there! She has never done that before and has not worn stockings since we got married 30 years ago!

In the morning she had already got up and dressed before I awoke. So I haven't officially seen the shaved area and am dying to bring it up but don't want to be told a lie!

Other changes are that she is always texting on her phone and has really gone off intimate times with me.

We are both in our 50s and this is burning me up!

Advice gratefully received!

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

If you really think she is cheating then look for evidence. Phone, computer, emails, spending, etc.

And yes, women who post implausible scenarios are given short shrift.

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

James - it doesn't sound good unfortunately. I lost a lot of weight 10 yrs ago, met some one new and did all the things your DW is doing.
More recently my niece in her 30s lost a lot of weight by going to the gym etc. she posted pics on social media, I knew her marriage was going through a few issues and I said 'she's met someone new' - I was right.
Do you know the girls she was out with last night? Can you check out that she was actually with them - are any of them mutual friends of yours?
If I were you I'd gather more evidence and then talk to her.

[6demandingchildren]

Maybe she has done this for you to notice her instead of pretending to sleep.
I think you both need to have a really good talk x

[PaperdollCartoon]

MummyofLittleDragon

5ft and 7st is a BMI of 19, still in a healthy weight range (18-24.9) did you misread it as 5"7?

[pipsqueak25]

can't believe some of the comments made by some people on here taking the piss, you bang on about misogyny then you write this crap because a man asks a question, doesn't swear, is respectful and is polite ? some of you make me sick.
as for the majority who try to help, that's what we are here for, to listen, help and support.

[HomityBabbityPie]

pip it's not because he's a man

Why do these threads always attract a load of LOOK AT THE POOR MENZ types anyway?

[Emmageddon]

The shaved fanjo is due to the gym, I can guarantee that. But the texting and stuff may mean another man is on the scene - although not necessarily. You can confront her, or be sneaky and check her phone - it's up to you, one way or another, you'll get the truth.

Losing 3 stone in just over 3 months at Slimming World is pretty good going, though, well done her.

[pipsqueak25]

homity with due respect, why the shouting and spelling , i was merely pointing out, op had asked for advice and some of it was down right nasty, had it been a woman asking about her dh /dp plenty of people would be yelling to ltb along side the people who were offering constructive advice.
personally i don't care if a poster is either gender, they are only asking, -
that doesn't deserve a load of crap thrown at them.

[FittonTower]

It's an odd op - that's why it's not getting a very sensible response.
My sensible response is she might be dressing up a bit because she's proud of her dramatic weight loss, and shaving is pretty common at the gym. I think you should talk to the women you've been married to for the majority of your life. I am always astounded how little some people seem to talk to their partners.
And I have a milk man (it's awesome, I recommend it). And wear hold ups - I'm 6ft and all leg so finding tights that fit is really hard.

[HomityBabbityPie]

had it been a woman asking about her dh /dp plenty of people would be yelling to ltb along side the people who were offering constructive advice.

No they wouldn't if they had posted in the style the OP has, with it reading like a bad mill's and boon novel

[velvetcandy]

Shes deffo having an affair. I would try and put some spark back in the marriage like booking hotel away, flirty texts etc. Maybe she just misses the butterfly feeling.

[emilybrontescorset]

It doesn't sound good op.

[pipsqueak25]

if people think it's a bit off then report it, historical makes a valid point, not everyone is fluent in their communication when it comes to emotional stuff, especially men, and plenty of women comment on that being a problem for them.

[Shitalopram]

My experience of people having affairs is that when they get home the first stop is usually the bathroom to wash off any incriminating evidence or change out of anything they wore for sex.

So the fact she came straight to the bedroom in all her glory is a good sign.

Buy your own milk.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

My advice is to use far, far less exclamation marks.

If you are going to criticise the OP's style of writing, at least say far FEWER.

If you don't believe the OP, then ignore it report FFS.

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

Thanks, as ever, Livia. Most appreciated. Indeed you are correct.

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

And I will ignore when I want and post when I want. Thank you.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

My comment about ignoring was to all the troll hunters on here.

[DawnMumsnet]

Just popping in with a gentle reminder about our Talk Guidelines, especially regarding troll hunting.

Look, we can't vouch for how much weight the OP's wife has lost, or how tall she is, just like we can't vouch for a thousand other details on a thousand other threads. But the OP's been on the site for a long while and we've no reason to think he'd start trolling now.

OP, please don't prove us wrong!

[NeedABumChange]

7 stone is perfectly healthy for someone around 5ft. I am 5ft and at 7 stone would still be curvy. At 10stone if imagine I'd be huge, got to 9stone once and looked like a whale! 3 stone lost in 4 months is easy if it's all excess and you are stict.

Society seems to have normalised being fat so much people dont recognise healthy weight.

[SpreadYourHappiness]

Mummyoflittledragon I am using a standard BMI calculator and am coming up with a BMI of 19.8 which is healthy and not underweight.

Please make sure you have the facts before declaring people underweight.

[Sample1936]

Op. It doesn't necessarily indicate cheating. You should speak to her.