Worried She is Having An Affair

[jamesk0001]

DW has lost a lot of weight over the last few months since the new year, going from 10 stone to 7 stone and is making a real effort to look better, going to the gym, wearing make up etc, buying new clothes.

Last night she went out with the girls and got home late. I was in bed and she thought I was asleep.

I noticed that when she got undressed she was wearing stockings and had totally shaved down there! She has never done that before and has not worn stockings since we got married 30 years ago!

In the morning she had already got up and dressed before I awoke. So I haven't officially seen the shaved area and am dying to bring it up but don't want to be told a lie!

Other changes are that she is always texting on her phone and has really gone off intimate times with me.

We are both in our 50s and this is burning me up!

Advice gratefully received!

[birdbandit]

Honestly, could be a midlife thing.

A woman I know, about the same age as your wife, started dressing stupidly provocatively, hit the yoga, and kept getting horribly drunk, flashing her boobs, horning over other folks husbands. I swear she had been relatively normal until the wave of "I am going to be old and unattractive soon" hit her like a tsunami. She was like a cat in heat, it was fascinating.

Your wife sounds very tame in comparison. I would just ask her how she is. She might just be a bit lost at sea.

[SalemSaberhagen]

I am laughing so hard at 400 year old woman!

[SpreadYourHappiness]

7 stone is underweight for any adult. Unless they are 4 feet 5 inches tall.

Incorrect. I am just under 5ft and 7 stone; that is a healthy weight for me. I am actually looking to lose a few pounds and would still be considered in the healthy weight range.

[pandarific]

If this is real - it doesn't sound great overall, but you don't have any evidence that she has done anything yet. The outfit may just have been taking her new self for a test drive out at the bars?

Do you love her? Do you think she still loves you? Talk to her - there's a chance she's just been feeling invisible and you could salvage your marriage with some counselling/honesty.

[birdbandit]

Once you get this sorted out, and I bet it is nothing, please the pair of you sort out some kind of diet plan. You could make a fortune I tell ya' (wiggles cigar).

[noego]

Ok James I'll give you the benefit of doubt as I once lost 3 stone is a few months and worked out at the gym.

If you are not getting the benefit of this new regime, then who is?

[GotToGetMyFingerOut]

My sister is 5foot 1 and weighs 7 stone.

Op my dh started at the gym and couldn't believe how everyone just walks about swinging their bits all over the place. Said they were all shaved or trimmed even the older fellas (he's 32).

Maybe she's done it for the gym changing rooms too.

The stockings (which i do wear too so don't understand why people are saying no one does) are a bit of a red flag if she's never worn them before especially on nights out.

[buckeejit]

You need to talk to her. Start by asking if she's happy & try to get to the bottom of things. Good luck

[foxyloxy78]

The best thing you can do is talk to her. Tell her you've noticed some changes and that they concern you. Mention to her about the fast weight loss and the shaving and ask her if she is ok. I don't think she is having an affair. She's most probably she's concerned about her health and just trying to be healthy. But do talk. Nothing worse than bottling stuff up.

[ThePants999]

The difference between how this thread has gone, versus how it would have gone if the genders had been reversed, would be funny if it weren't so shit. My sympathies OP.

[ChopsticksandChilliCrab]

ThePants I agree.

OP you need to talk to your DW and find out what is going on. Go out for a nice meal, make sure you look good too, get some bubbly in and try to connect properly. I hope it all turns out to be nothing and the two of you can reignite the spark.

[Framboise18]

Just speak to her. Otherwise go through her phone if you don't wish to confront. It's a horrible feeling but pondering and speculations won't get you the answer. Stay strong op

[FairytalesAreBullshit]

The shaving could be a gym thing, she's noticed others have perfectly curated fanjo's, so she though lets give it a go. Ooh was there a post on here about shaving fanjo's? I'm sure I have the sudocreme/bepanthen advice.

If she was wearing something a bit tighter, tights might show up, it's likely a surrounded by such people at the gym, hold ups general fit better than tights that tend to do the Nora Batty.

If she's off out multiple times a week, then maybe query it. The texting could be gym/SW buddies. She's just trying hard to fit in, possibly midlife crisis'esque.

Hope it's all innocent.

[MakeItStopNeville]

What Is it with people coming on MN and using the word, oggling?! NOBODY uses that word anymore!!

[FatOldBag]

She starved herself for stupid women's sense of fashion? Makes a bloody change, usually it's more to do with societal pressure caused by stupid male sense of what women should look like and the power of the patriarchy to influence women to base their self worth on their appearance.

Talk to your wife. Ogling her while pretending to sleep is weird and won't help. If you want to know what's going on, ask.

[daisychain01]

all the milk has gone to red top (yuck!)

Is "red top" even a thing nowadays?

It must be the milkman.

[SalemSaberhagen]

Eh? I buy red top from the shop occasionally. It's just a turn of phrase to reference skimmed milk.

[MerryMarigold]

Blue top is full fat, green - semi skimmed red - skimmed.
No one has milkman anymore!

[Rubies12345]

Could she be going swimming when she goes to the gym? That would explain shaving down there

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Merry. The top colours must vary. My mother has blue top and it's definitely skimmed. Red top where she is is semi skimmed. Full fat is silver. I don't drink milk so I can't remember what it is where I live.

SpreadyourHappiness. I am just under 5ft 7 stone; and that is a healthy weight for me. I am actually looking to lose a few pounds and would still be considered in the healthy weight range.. Not according to a standard bmi calculator, which puts you at around 15.3. Which calculator are you using?

james. Sorry you've had a hard time on this thread. I don't know. But you're not going to find out without some kind of action and as pps have said, that's either talking to her or looking through her phone. She may just feel better about herself and be shaving down there as she feels more attractive. You've been together for many years. You shouldn't be afraid to sit down and talk. Hopefully your relationship is respectful and loving enough that she will give you some kind of explanation and honesty. Slimming world weight loss plans aren't always terribly healthy - I've done them. She sounds like me, either on the wagon or off the wagon so to speak. You said she used to starve herself when you first met so I'd be concerned about her eating patterns. Is she eating sufficient portions? You could look at this link below, it discusses dieting and loss of libido and it may explain the sex drive. Although equally, yes, she could be having an affair but I would explore this first.

kinobody.com/diet-and-nutrition/low-sex-drive-dieting/

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

If you was a woman, you would of been told start looking at his phone/social media/Internet history, look for receipts etc etc.

Very rarely do they respond " just ask him " it's always get plenty of evidence before confronting.

I found it so harsh sometimes when a man posts he gets dived on.

homity funny that MNHQ have removed a few troll hunting comments ( like yours ) yet the thread remains.

You know your wife better than us, has anything in your relationship ever made you think she has been unfaithful? Or could it be like the suggestion bird made?

[metalmum15]

merry My neighbours still have a milkman. Pisses me off when he wakes me up at 4am.

[metalmum15]

merry My neighbours still have a milkman. Pisses me off when he wakes me up at 4am.

[TheNaze73]

Hold ups & a shaved fanjo are very common. No idea why you'd jump to the conclusion it's an affair.