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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:

Moussemoose · 14/04/2017 12:04

You don't like smugness what about love and affection?

Willow2017 · 14/04/2017 12:06

My 2 boys are very different.
My teen will give hugs and cuddles when asked and even on occaision spontaneously and he tells me he loves me too.

My tween is very tactile, loves a cuddle, will hold my hand when out and about, will walk arm in arm etc, will snuggle up in bed with me sometimes, will lie on the couch watching tv with me, tells me he loves me regularly. He also does everything any other tween does, can argue with the best of them, goes off all day with mates playing outdoors, does marial arts etc etc.

Both kids preferences are fine by me and I hope ds2 is still like this when he is 50 and I have told them both that they will never be too old to have cuddles from me.

There is nothing wrong with showing affection to your parents or siblings if it is the norm in your home. Just because someone else doesnt do it doesnt make it 'wrong'.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 12:09

It's okay but physical affection is completely overrated - and quite odd between adult family members

Willow2017 · 14/04/2017 12:19

It's okay but physical affection is completely overrated - and quite odd between adult family members

Only in your opinion though. Not in millions of other families.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 12:24

Of course that's only my opinion - I don't profess to speak for the rest of the world.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 12:25

And the PP asked a question - I answered it with my OPINION

HTH

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/04/2017 12:34

It sounds from your discrimination intense and needy and child like shouldn't he be a little less needy at his age (and shouldn't you encourage this)

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 12:34

But then I get that spending your life panicking if someone tries to touch you is the opposite end of the scale so I don't claim to be 'normal' either

Crumbs1 · 14/04/2017 13:04

My sons are both cuddly at 22 and 21 - confident, successful young men but they still curl up on sofa with me, still hug me too tightly from behind, still try to sit on my lap in a ridiculous way. It's loving and generally nice - except the lap bit which prevents breathing. They have good relationships with their girlfriends and are just comfortable showing affection. My girls are the same - but like foot rubs, back scratching and other forms of physical contact too.

MadMags · 14/04/2017 16:20

Anyone else think no nasty girl will be good enough for mummy's ickle squishum?!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 16:40

Mags That made me

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 16:59

madmags

Probably not
Though you've given me an idea to call him ickle squishum in front of "nasty girls" ...........he might just stay single forever.

Seriously though, as long as he's/they are happy I couldn't care if she has 3 heads.

OP posts:

MadMags · 14/04/2017 17:04

You should, Happy! Separate the wheat from he chaff!

LittleCandle · 14/04/2017 17:09

He sounds lovely! I used to threaten to sit on DM's knee and squash her once I was an adult. And I remember, with a great deal of affection, at my uncle's funeral, I was staying with my cousin and her teenage son and daughter were staying with their grandmother around the corner (willingly before anyone says anything) so that DB and I had somewhere to stay (about 5 hours drive away from home.) As he left the evening of the funeral, my cousin's son came round and kissed all the ladies present (his mum, another granny, my mum and myself) and gave us all and hug - and I hadn't seen him since he was a toddler. It was completely spontaneous and not at all forced and I thought what lovely manners he had. After a tough day, it was lovely. Your DS's girlfriends are lucky!

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 17:20

madmags For higher impact I could bounce him on my knee at the same time

littlecandle that was very sweet of him. Makes you so proud when they do lovely things like that.

OP posts:

123yourusername · 14/04/2017 17:31

I genuinely thought you was going to say he was around 7 or 8. Sorry this sounds weird to me. He is only two years younger than me, if I was to date a lad that behaved like that with his mother I would run a hundred miles, fast- I know that's not the question here but still...

Moussemoose · 14/04/2017 17:43

123yourusername

If you were dating my son I would want you to run a hundred miles. In fact, I'd drive you.

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 17:45

123
I get that some folks see this behaviour as odd.
Why is it odd?
I don't see that there is a cut off age for showing your parents affection.

OP posts:

Shona52 · 14/04/2017 17:50

If it's was a daughter and father would anyone have an issue? (I was and still very much this way with my father). My DS is 5 and I hope he never gets to old for hugs 🤗

Sunnydaysrock · 14/04/2017 17:50

I will be so happy if my DS is still as affectionate as he is now when he is older. I think it's lovely and you are lucky to have that closeness. As long as it doesn't make possible partners feels uncomfortable (and I think you'd naturally adjust your behaviour a little anyway) then no problem as far as I can see.

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 17:53

Yeah sunnydaysrock he's more reserved when he has friends over. I also don't initiate any hugs etc when friends are here. I suppose it's just a natural progression.

OP posts:

Missolford33 · 14/04/2017 17:54

I didn't think you were going to say your son was 20. To me this is odd but I'm just thinking about how I would feel if your son was my boyfriend. I would definitely think he had mommy issues. Sorry...

YerMammy · 14/04/2017 17:54

Shocking behaviour. If you're not careful, he'll turn into a loving, caring individual.

Original poster

Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 17:55

missoldford what are mummy issues?

OP posts:

123yourusername · 14/04/2017 17:55

Moussemoose, thanks for your reply- I'm entitled to an opinion like everybody else.. you just sound f*ing rude

Happy.. I don't know the age cut off, I just think 20 is too old to cuddle upto mummy. I have a three year old and understand in a way I don't ever want him to get too old for hugs, but I guess at some point ill accept he's too grown up for it.. so no, I don't know a cut off age it just sounds shocking that a 20 year old cuddles mummy on the sofa, but if you're both happy with that then that's what matters

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