Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a bit weird being close to 40 and your parents taking you on holiday and paying for everything

132 replies

jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 14:56

Just that really. Someone I know was just talking about it, she's childfree, and has a good disposable income and does it every year.

I just found it a bit weird, I get that her parents have more money but she can afford it herself. She kind of looked down on me that I didn't do it and said a clanger about my parents "must not want to go on holiday with me." She's an only child.

A bit different if you are broke and your parents do it as a one off to treat you.

OP posts:
Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 18:54

Oh glum unless you regress to being a 8 year old child with your parents then you can't possibly enjoy spending time with your parents Grin MN LOGIC

OP posts:
CarpetBagger · 13/04/2017 18:54

In fact re reading the op, the fact she is child free, they have no GC, etc and an only child herself make it even more - normal and resonable.

You want to consign her and them to a life without? The money they would have spent on weddings, grandchildren etc, they dont have that they only their only child. You sound so mean op. Gosh there really are some horrid people out there. Hmm

Hygellig · 13/04/2017 19:15

If they all enjoy holidaying together then it sounds fine. Some people seem to look down on adults spending time with their parents. Is your issue more that you feel that she should pay her share of the costs?

DH's sister's family do a lot of UK cottage holidays together and their parents often pay for the accommodation. They used to take the grandparents when they went skiing so they could look after the children while their parents skied.

findingmyfeet12 · 13/04/2017 19:18

I think it's tragic that in a society where it's well documented that many older people feel lonely and isolated some people are saying it's "weird" that adult children go on holiday with their parents.

awaynboilyurheid · 13/04/2017 19:29

Op should go to a Spanish holiday resort huge family groups all on holiday together. I love going on holiday with my mum and wish my dad was here to still come along Would be very hurt if my daughters didn't want to come on holiday with us too, we have had brilliant memories from many travels and if we were wealthy we would happily pay everything for their company!

smallchanceofrain · 13/04/2017 19:29

I don't think it's weird. Before my mum got Parkinsons we used to have holidays together. It was fab. She would always pay more than her fair share because she could afford it and I'm a spoilt only child! We've had some fab times and made some great memories. I'm sad she's no longer well enough to for us to holiday together.

lbsjob87 · 13/04/2017 19:33

I don't think it's particularly weird, no. They obviously enjoy spending quality time together and I can't see why it's a problem for anyone else.

I have a friend I've known for 30 years whose parents used to go away without their kids for a week every year and leave them with a relative, but never took them away with them.
I also found out recently that they have never bought their children a birthday or Christmas present, and cards are generic ones that the mum buys in multipacks. They aren't hard up, apparently they just believe that children shouldn't be spoilt. Apparently they were always quite encouraging about school but she never had any hobbies.
I knew she had a simple childhood but didn't know the extent of it till recently.
The point is, THAT, to me, is weird. Your friend is obviously very lucky, I think.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2017 19:35

If my daughter was forty and single I'd happily have her come on holiday with us and yes I'd want to pay if I could easily afford it, it would be our treat. I don't see the issue here. I don't know if she'd want to but we'd happily take her if she had the holiday time available, well because we are used to holidaying with her and we love her and her company. She's our child, no matter how old she is, and we love her dearly. I'd simply assume she is very close to her parents.

Grilledaubergines · 13/04/2017 19:41

WorraLiberty

*I think it's lovely to be that close to your parents, no matter what age you are.

As for them choosing not to let her put her hand in her pocket, that's entirely up to them.*

Totally agree with this.

I hope to be in a position to help financially with my DCs, be it with treats, paying for meals and if I were fortunate enough for them to enjoy my company, pay for holidays too.

Treating someone isn't about subbing them because they're skint, it's about, well, treating them because we love them and its a pleasure to do. No matter what age they are.

glumbumm · 13/04/2017 19:42

We have all seen Benidorm away Wink

findingmyfeet12 · 13/04/2017 19:45

Blunt and Grilled, you've both said what I wanted to say.

I don't have children of my own (miscarried again on Tuesday) but I do have a much younger brother and sister and I like to treat them to things that I would probably have treated my own children to. I hope they still want to go on holiday with me when I'm older. I'd happily pay as I can afford it and they might not be able to.

Etymology23 · 13/04/2017 19:46

I see my parents almost every week, and go on holiday with either my mum or the whole family most years. I love their company and we all get on extremely well - why wouldn't I want to go away with them? I would usually contribute my share, but that's because we don't have vast amounts of money sloshing round; if someone did, then I imagine they pay more - charity begins at home after all! :p

Grilledaubergines · 13/04/2017 20:25

finding. Really sorry for your lossFlowers

I think the 'giver' gets as much pleasure as the person receiving.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2017 20:37

Finding I hope you're ok and I'm sorry about your loss 💐

pieceofpurplesky · 13/04/2017 23:16

Oh glum unless you regress to being a 8 year old child with your parents then you can't possibly enjoy spending time with your parents  MN LOGIC

This tells me it is you that has the problem OP. Do you honestly think that spending times on holiday with her parents makes your friend regress?
How ever much you deny it you come across as over invested, petty and a tad jealous.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/04/2017 23:16

Finding Flowers

Aroundtheworldandback · 13/04/2017 23:22

Dh and I do the opposite- we take our parents who are now in their 70's and 80's away all the time. I guess we can afford to- and dh is very conscious of them one day not being here, so to create memories while we can.

whatiswrongwithyou · 14/04/2017 08:52

lovely post finding and so sorry for your losses.

boolifooli · 14/04/2017 08:57

Did she say about the parents not wanting to go on holiday with you or was it you? If she said that I wouldn't be wanting to spend time with her.

Garnethair · 14/04/2017 08:57

My mother is too old to go on holiday now, but has in the past paid for me to go with her. She is however well enough to go shopping with me. She still insists on buying my shoes and boots for me - from Clarks - because then she can make sure 'I buy shoes that fit my feet' 😀

toconclude · 14/04/2017 09:01

So it's a toss up here between "I love my parents and they love me so we go on holiday together" or "We really don't get on, so no"?
Hmm. Love my mum to bits but her choice of destination/holiday thee days (we have holidayed together once or twice in the past) wouldn't be mine, so why would we go together? She has her cruises (and goes with her friends who also like them) and I have my walking holidays/energetic city breaks which at 85 she can't manage.

livefornaps · 14/04/2017 09:02

Oh God, page 2 and someone has already mentioned the dreaded "making memories" voms easter chocolate everywhere

user1489261248 · 14/04/2017 09:15

Have you posted on the wrong thread @livefornaps? Smile

user1489261248 · 14/04/2017 09:15

@finding, I am sorry for your loss too. Hope you get what you deserve soon.

user1489261248 · 14/04/2017 09:16

There's nothing wrong with going on hols with parents when you're an adult yourself. The OP sounds jealous of this woman she knows imo.

As to why a single woman may go on hols with parents, apart from the fact they may get on very well (some families DO get on you know OP!) it may be so that she has company. (In addition to getting on with her parents.)

Whilst I know that many single people have lots have friends and companions, they may not have anyone to go on hols with, and may not want to go alone, so why not go with your parents?

There is this assumption that all 'only' children are spoilt, and also all childfree women are selfish. Neither statement is true.

The OP stinks of envy, and I do genuinely wonder if the woman in question did actually say 'your parents obviously don't want to go on holiday with you!' Or even if she did, it was probably in retaliation to a snarky comment from the OP about adults going on hols with parents.

When I was much younger, me and my family would go on holiday in a big 8 berth caravan, and half way through the week, a couple of aunts would come along with nana, and a couple of cousins. 9 or 10 of us holed up in a caravan. Now THAT was fun. Grin

And the comment by @chavelia (top of page 2,) that states 'I always find it creepy when people say their parent is their best friend' is plain nasty and spiteful. Sounds like jealousy to me. Or a total lack of understanding that adult children can be very close to their parents. If everyone had a relationship with their parents like that - and like the woman that the OP is on about, the world would be a better place.

Swipe left for the next trending thread