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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a bit weird being close to 40 and your parents taking you on holiday and paying for everything

132 replies

jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 14:56

Just that really. Someone I know was just talking about it, she's childfree, and has a good disposable income and does it every year.

I just found it a bit weird, I get that her parents have more money but she can afford it herself. She kind of looked down on me that I didn't do it and said a clanger about my parents "must not want to go on holiday with me." She's an only child.

A bit different if you are broke and your parents do it as a one off to treat you.

OP posts:
findingmyfeet12 · 13/04/2017 17:26

Dh and I love spending time with my parents.

We're planning a holiday together soon. I don't think it's odd at all.

glumbumm · 13/04/2017 17:34

Yes. I know people who go on holiday with their parents in their mid to late 20s. I find it beyond bizarre but they do still like an home so are more childlike than independent offspring.

lottachocca · 13/04/2017 17:37

A friend's Dad pays for the whole extended family to go on holiday every year to the Caribbean - I expect they wouldn't go if he asked them to pay, he's a control freak!

glumbumm · 13/04/2017 17:38

Btw the OP is not referring to families going on holiday today, couples or couples with children. It's a middle aged person being treated like a child (and enjoying it) so weird.

heron98 · 13/04/2017 17:52

My parents have paid for me to go on holiday with them in the past. They've got big fat baby boomer pensions and are far richer than me and refuse my offers to contribute.

Wando1986 · 13/04/2017 17:55

People are allowed to be friends with their parents, OP. That can include going on Holiday. My parents paid for myself and two siblings (and all our partners) to go two weeks all inclusive at a 5* resort a few years ago. It was a lovely time away with family, what's wrong with that?

NoBetterName · 13/04/2017 17:59

I expect they wouldn't go if he asked them to pay

I find it quite sad that he feels the need to pay for them to go in order to spend time with his adult children.

TrickyD · 13/04/2017 18:00

I don't see an issue with it. It's parents treating their children which is perfectly normal.

I wish many of you had been around when I was flamed for taking, and paying for, our sons on a family ski trip. My question had been about whether a fairly recently acquired GF should pay her share of the cost, should she decide to join us.

This developed into vitriolic criticism of my parenting skills; I was infantilising my sons; we should not pay for holidays for grown men in their forties; if they can't afford to take their children skiing or to the Caribbean, (where we also take all of them in the summer) they should hire a caravan and even if it was perishing cold, that was better for them than snow and sun with us.

We and they, particularly DS2 who has three kids, love the family holidays. DH and I are hale and hearty, no caring involved. We go on plenty of holidays with just each other and we might as well spend our money on something everyone enjoys and which creates very happy memories.

The flaming included some choice remarks including telling me son was a "near paedophile" because his GF was 18 years younger than him.

OP, maybe your friend's parents feel the same as we do.

glumbumm · 13/04/2017 18:01

Did they offer to pay Tricky?

saoirse31 · 13/04/2017 18:05

If I could afford to take ds when that age , and he and family wanted, why wouldn't I!!

pieceofpurplesky · 13/04/2017 18:10

I always offer to pay but they won't let me. They tell me it is because as a child (an only child) they could not afford to treat me at all. Now they can. So they do. They pay for DS too. It's not like I sponge off them and pay for things for them too. I just don't get why people think it's strange. I guess I am lucky to have such great and vibrant parents at my age (48)

TrickyD · 13/04/2017 18:12

No, why on earth should they, Glumbumm? We don't need them to, one of them could not afford the sort of holidays involved.

And please don' t tell me he should get a better paid job and don't suggest the windswept caravan again.

Were you one of the unpleasant posters on the thread referred to, I wonder?

gincamelbak · 13/04/2017 18:20

My parents talk my sister on holiday.
My PIL take my SIL and her family (her H and 2 DC) on holiday.

Nobody has ever offered to take me and DH and our children on holiday. Ever.

I think we're doing something wrong Confused

lottachocca · 13/04/2017 18:23

Fuck we are doing this wrong - we pay for our parents!

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 18:26

Btw the OP is not referring to families going on holiday today, couples or couples with children. It's a middle aged person being treated like a child (and enjoying it) so weird.

Exactly and then telling me my parents don't want to spend time with me as they dont give me a yearly all inclusive holiday. Some people are seeing viewpoints that I never said.

OP posts:
almondpudding · 13/04/2017 18:28

Well obviously it isn't weird. There are various posters on here who have been on such holidays!

almondpudding · 13/04/2017 18:29

Do your parents want to go on holiday with you OP?

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 18:34

I don't think something two dozen people on MN do makes it not weird Grin

OP posts:
almondpudding · 13/04/2017 18:35

If you don't think MN is a good indication of whether it is weird or not, what's the point of starting the thread?

glumbumm · 13/04/2017 18:41

I'm unpleasant because of a simple question? How rude. I've be brought up well & always offer money. That's the key.

PunjanaTea · 13/04/2017 18:43

Some adults genuinely like their parents and enjoy spending time with them. It's quite sad that people think this is odd and think the preferable option is to not really like them.

Some parents have the money to treat their children even when they're adults. Again this is no one else's business.

Agree with others she was probably sniffy because she could smell the judgement pouring out of you OP.

CarpetBagger · 13/04/2017 18:46

Arf Tricky typical Grin

Its a shame people view money in this way really its a conduit and nothing else.

glumbumm · 13/04/2017 18:46

I love my parents, my mum is my best friend. We have an adult relationship though and I would personally be uncomfortable being seen as a child again who is incapable to contribute.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/04/2017 18:53

I remember your skiing trip thread very well Tricky. I found it fascinating.

Bythebeach · 13/04/2017 18:53

Well if they're all happy, I don't see the problem.

I'm nearly 40; my parents have taken me, DH & our 3 kids away for the last three summers. They love spending time with us and we appreciate the holiday and time with ageing parents/grandparents.

Prior to the last three years, we usually organised our own summer holiday. We now ski most winters and would be happy to go without a beachy summer holiday but it gives my parents and kids so much joy. They've offered again this year and I've checked again that they don't feel obliged but they love to spoil is.

If I am wealthy in my old age (unlikely) I'd love to sweep my kids and grandkids off on lovely holidays! I hope they wouldn't feel inadequate accepting a holiday if they wanted to come!