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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a bit weird being close to 40 and your parents taking you on holiday and paying for everything

132 replies

jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 14:56

Just that really. Someone I know was just talking about it, she's childfree, and has a good disposable income and does it every year.

I just found it a bit weird, I get that her parents have more money but she can afford it herself. She kind of looked down on me that I didn't do it and said a clanger about my parents "must not want to go on holiday with me." She's an only child.

A bit different if you are broke and your parents do it as a one off to treat you.

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 13/04/2017 15:30

You'd hate me then OP. I go away with my parents once or twice a year (with DS). I am 48. They pay. But then o love spending time with them, eating good food, drinking wine - all the things they were too busy and too poor to enjoy when they were my age.
Despite being 75/80 they are fit, active and great fun. I offer to pay and they say no. Why would I (or your friend) not want to spend time with people i love!

Chavelita · 13/04/2017 15:33

I get on well with my parents, and enjoy their company, though we've lived in different countries for the last 25 years, so it's skype and visits stuff, and I'm fond of my siblings -- but I admit to finding it creepy when people say their mother/sister (fathers and brothers tend not to feature) is their Best Friend. It always suggests to me that they've never quite grown up.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/04/2017 15:33

Plus you do sound a bit jealous - why don't you go on holiday with your parents (assuming from your OP you have a relationship with them due to your friend's comments)

user1487175389 · 13/04/2017 15:36

It is weird. People either seem to have parents who dote on them like they're 8 forever, or parents who disown them at the first sign of disagreement. Surely there's a happy medium?

1nsanityscatching · 13/04/2017 15:36

We still book accommodation for a large family even though we only have one teen dc now because we are never sure which of the adult dc might decide to join us on our holidays.
I love it to be honest,the opportunity to spend time with them and enjoy some fun times. We don't book specifically with one or the other dc in mind we leave it up to them and quite often get a text "put kettle on mutt,got a few days off so coming to join you. Be with you in twenty" Their own cars and flexi time means that they have the freedom to do that.
We do fund accommodation but whilst the dc are there they will buy us all a meal out as a contribution.

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 15:39

I'd hate you? and well done for being first with the jealous comment, chip muchGrin

It is weird. People either seem to have parents who dote on them like they're 8 forever, or parents who disown them at the first sign of disagreement. Surely there's a happy medium?This exactly!

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 13/04/2017 15:39

Awww, my lovely parents treat us to things now and again (despite being in our early 40s and having a decent amount of disposable income ourselves). If I try to pay when we are out for a meal they won't let me (unless it's my mum and I- she will let me treat her, but the only time my father will allow it is if we take him out on fathers day.)

We love spending time with my parents- they are great fun and a huge source of support to us. They have plenty of money and they like to treat us, and that includes holidays sometimes. I love making memories with them and we have been on some great trips together. I am well aware of how lucky we are, but I hadn't realised people might find it weird. Anyway, give a fuck? Nope. Grin

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 15:39

It is weird. People either seem to have parents who dote on them like they're 8 forever, or parents who disown them at the first sign of disagreement

The only thing weird is you thinking that is remotely true.

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 15:40

Also you clearly spend too long in aibu.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/04/2017 15:42

Maybe they pay for her as a form of bribery, and she'd be less keen to go with them on holiday if she had to pay her own way? Maybe they like to have her with them?

I think it's a bit weird too though - I couldn't have done it past my teens, too strained!

I have been away with my Dad for a weekend though, and he paid the hotel bill for me, but that was because he needed me to drive him there for a reunion with his old college friends, and stay there so I could drive him home again (I was also invited to the reunion as his "plus one" as my mother did not want to go). I paid for the petrol though, so it wasn't entirely one-sided!

FreddieFlowerdew · 13/04/2017 15:42

I love it because I'm really close to my parents and love spending time with them. It's delightful for all of us to experience the holiday together as we all get on so well, never argue etc. Myself and my husband like to go on holidays with his parents too, and even went on holiday with both of our parents and my siblings at the same time and really enjoyed it. It sounds like you find it hard to imagine that this lady would actually enjoy herself with her parents!

kathkim · 13/04/2017 15:44

Nice work if you can get it. Why not!

CivicBlue1 · 13/04/2017 15:48

I'm 37. Currently sitting in a fabulous 4* hotel in Cyprus. My parents paid. Not just for me but dh, dd, dd's friend, dbro and dsil. My parents wanted to take us away for a week in the sun. There is no expectation that we all spend a week moving around joined at the hip. Dh and me and my dbro and dsil could have paid for ourselves. In our case it is most definitely not an inheritance related spend. Dm is late 50's ddad is mid 60's.
I've had a very shit few years, 2 failed spinal operations leaving me disabled. This holiday gave me something positive to focus on after my last operation at the end of November.
I am incredibly grateful to my parents for taking us on holiday and for the support they give me at home. I will try my best to pay for a nice meal for us when we get home, but will have to race my dad to do so.

happypoobum · 13/04/2017 15:50

I agree it depends on finances and how well you get on.

I would rather have chewed my own arm off than holidayed with my DM.

However, I do pay for my adult DD to come on holiday and I pay for every last thing. I don't give a shiny shit what anyone thinks. I have lots of holidays (term time worker) and spend them with a variety of friends, but sometimes I like to treat my DC, because I love them and we get on so well.

It does sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

sminkypinky · 13/04/2017 15:50

Not really sure why you had to mention that she's an only child.

HicDraconis · 13/04/2017 15:50

I adore being with my Dad, my sons always love time with their Grandad so why on earth not go on holiday together? We hang out, play games, do our own things here & there and all get together in the evenings for dinner.

The only difference to your scenario is that we pay for everything (we can, he can't & he otherwise wouldn't get away).

When my sons are older I hope we will be able to invite them & their families on holiday with us at our expense - it's going to be far tougher for them to bring up a family than it was for us and i would love to be able to give them a bit of a break.

Darbs76 · 13/04/2017 15:52

Why not, enjoy your parents whilst they are here

CardinalCat · 13/04/2017 15:55

Not really sure why you had to mention that she's an only child

Because the glaring subtext is that the OP thinks this girl is some kind of spoiled, cosseted snowflake.

originalbiglymavis · 13/04/2017 15:56

Awwww, my folks would have done this.

They were very very generous like that and most great to be around (unless mum had the hump).

Lovely mum snuck the money for a holiday I was telling her about into my bank account (she loved a good trip and knew we were going away to a place she and dad loved). Say she died very soon after.

Ferrisday · 13/04/2017 15:58

When I was 19 my mum thought it would be out last family holiday together.
Nearly 30 years later and we've been on holiday together every year.
My sister and brother too
We have separate holidays too, but usually go away with mum or both parents also.
Sometimes my Dad pays for us all.

coconuttella · 13/04/2017 15:59

If this thread is in any way representative, pensioners are clearly wealthy! Mine take me away too... though try and pay for stuff whilst out there when I can!

Mrdarcyfanclub · 13/04/2017 16:01

I'm on holiday with dh and dc. Lots of larger family groups here and I'm secretly a bit jealous. They go out to dinner together and spend time at the beach. They don't seem joined st the hip though as I see people on their own, just couples etc. I'd definitely invite my children when they have their own families if I could afford it. Wouldn't butt into their main family hols but extra break at Christmas or Easter, why not?.Plus it's extra pairs of hands to help with dc etc. Really don't get why you even bother to mention it or be weirded out OP.

almondpudding · 13/04/2017 16:04

'but I admit to finding it creepy when people say their mother/sister (fathers and brothers tend not to feature) is their Best Friend. It always suggests to me that they've never quite grown up.'

Who are you supposed to be close friends with when you grow up? I know people who are still close friends with their friends from school. Isn't there something to be said for being able to maintain relationships from childhood into adulthood?

I think it's a good thing to have close friends of any kind; so many people are lonely.

mirime · 13/04/2017 16:05

We holiday with my in laws, only holiday we get and it's lovely. They live about 5 hours away and we can find it hard to get up to see them so an opportunity for DS to spend a whole week with them is great. If you get on with your family why not?

NotCarylChurchill · 13/04/2017 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.