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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a bit weird being close to 40 and your parents taking you on holiday and paying for everything

132 replies

jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 14:56

Just that really. Someone I know was just talking about it, she's childfree, and has a good disposable income and does it every year.

I just found it a bit weird, I get that her parents have more money but she can afford it herself. She kind of looked down on me that I didn't do it and said a clanger about my parents "must not want to go on holiday with me." She's an only child.

A bit different if you are broke and your parents do it as a one off to treat you.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 13/04/2017 14:59

it's a free hoilday, you don't need to be tied to mum and dad all the time, her being sniffy with you though was abu

MaidOfStars · 13/04/2017 14:59

My parents take my brother (nearly 40) on holiday with them. Or sometimes my husband and I (40 and 43). All expenses paid.

They just want someone to ferry them around, book all the restaurants and do the shopping. Grin

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 13/04/2017 15:01

Are you sure they don't just want a carer?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/04/2017 15:01

I find the whole concept of adults going on holiday with parents fairly odd tbh.

opinionatedfreak · 13/04/2017 15:02

I've gone in similar circumstances it is a quid pro quo. Relatives needed me to drive/help smooth the waters. They have the ££ to pay for me.
I gave up a week of precious annual leave and went on a holiday I enjoyed but probably wouldn't have chosen.

If inheritance tax is an issue then this helps to get rid of cash in the parents estate in a way which benefits the daughter without being liable to the tax free gift rules or seven year survival clause.

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 15:04

I don't think its a carer thing as she's hopeless more a company thing. This is just going to popular tourist places, not traveling around India or somewhere.

OP posts:
wittyUserNameHere · 13/04/2017 15:06

If she's 40 then they're likely in their 70s. Many people aren't lucky enough to live that long and those that do are looking to spend quality time with their families.

If they have the money and like to spend it on their (only) child then why not.

You said she has a fair disposable income: my answer would have been very different were she living on handouts and her parents.

Ragwort · 13/04/2017 15:08

I've just been on a city break with my mum - she is 80+ and I am nearly 60 Grin - she paid for everything, we had a great time, I drove and did all the fetching & carrying etc.

MaidOfStars · 13/04/2017 15:08

If she's 40 then they're likely in their 70s. Many people aren't lucky enough to live that long and those that do are looking to spend quality time with their families
And agree here.

I love sitting on a warm balcony with my husband and parents, sipping wine and listening to crickets.

I might feel different if it was the only holiday my husband and I would have in a year, but it never is.

Avioleta · 13/04/2017 15:09

I'm in my late 30s and I sometimes go on holiday with my parents if it coincides with when ex has the kids. We're not joined at the hip but we like the same sorts of things and enjoy each other's company so why not?

Batghee · 13/04/2017 15:09

its their money its really up to them how they spend it!
My parents earn vastly more than i ever will and sometimes take me and my husband and child with them on holiday. They dont pay for everything just wherever we stay and sometimes our flights.

Its out of line for her to say that your parents must just not want to go on holiday with you! Not everyone is able to afford to take their adult children with them on holiday and some people just like to holiday by themselves

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 15:09

They are mid 60s, super fit dad (cycled from bath to Cardiff recently) so not frail at all

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 13/04/2017 15:10

OP, is the issue that you think she should be paying a share? Or that it's odd she wants to go with them in the first place?

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 15:11

They dont pay for everything just wherever we stay and sometimes our flights. TBH it's the paying for everything - all meals out and all entrance fees that I really think is a bit weird.

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 13/04/2017 15:12

I hope our DDs would enjoy holidays with us. If we have the money to pay then why not?

P.S. I know it's not about us Grin

crunched · 13/04/2017 15:12

I think it must be lovely to want to do this.Sadly I can't think of much less fun than being taken away by my DM. When in my 20s, PIL took DH, SIL and me to Paris for a long weekend and it was very strained.

A friend of mine (48) gets taken away by her parents every year, They include her DH,DC and her sister with her family. They have a fantastic time, certainly no 'caring' duties, her parents (in their 70s) party harder than anyone else, even the teenage GC! The parents announce each years destination at Christmas lunch - St Lucia this year apparently...

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 15:12

Maid I think I answered it just now, but its the not spending a single penny for a week. Almost like when she was a child.

I'm probably just pissed off at a stupid conclusion she blurted.

OP posts:
PinkHeart59156816 · 13/04/2017 15:16

I think it's depends what relationship you have with your parents tbh

I have always been very close to mine and dh is the same with his and me, dh, dc, my parents and dh parents go away every year. One year me and dh pay for everything the following year it will be my parents and on the third year in laws pay. I might not be a child but I still love spending time with my parents Confused

I don't find it odd at all that someone might want to spend time with there parents even if they aren't child
I also don't find a parent treating an adult child odd either

opinionatedfreak · 13/04/2017 15:16

might be an inheritance tax thing!

My Dad pays for quite a bit when he takes my sibs and I out (we can all afford to pay for ourselves) but it makes sense for him to spend the money as he can't save anymore without being penalized, is limited about how much he can give us and can't take it with him...he too is a fit and well not quite 70year old.

Original poster
jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 15:24

I don't get the inheritance argument, if you've got money and time to plan it's an optional tax surely?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/04/2017 15:27

I think it's lovely to be that close to your parents, no matter what age you are.

As for them choosing not to let her put her hand in her pocket, that's entirely up to them.

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 15:27

Did it occur to you that some people just like their parents and enjoy their company?

She was probably only sniffy with you because you were clearly judging her.

BadToTheBone · 13/04/2017 15:29

I'm 50 with a husband and a family of my own, I love being with my parents and spend lots of time with them. They paid for s big family holiday for their golden wedding anniversary s few years ago and we all had s fabulous time, sister and her husband too.

Both sister and I have lived abroad for numerous years, so hardly unable to cope without them, lol

I don't see the issue tbh

BadToTheBone · 13/04/2017 15:30

Why can't I type a simple a, why does it always come out as an s? Grr

Sparklingbrook · 13/04/2017 15:30

I don't see an issue with it. It's parents treating their children which is perfectly normal.