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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think its a bit weird being close to 40 and your parents taking you on holiday and paying for everything

132 replies

jdoe8 · 13/04/2017 14:56

Just that really. Someone I know was just talking about it, she's childfree, and has a good disposable income and does it every year.

I just found it a bit weird, I get that her parents have more money but she can afford it herself. She kind of looked down on me that I didn't do it and said a clanger about my parents "must not want to go on holiday with me." She's an only child.

A bit different if you are broke and your parents do it as a one off to treat you.

OP posts:

overwroughtowl · 13/04/2017 16:11

My parents take me away most years. We are very close and they enjoy spending time with me and my dc and us with them. They aren't going to be here forever.

Then again, I see them most days too which I suppose is weird to some people

HeirOfNothingInParticular · 13/04/2017 16:17

I don't think it's weird, it's up to them. My DH and I are going on a big holiday this year and taking our DD, who is in her mid twenties. DH was diagnosed with a life threatening condition 3 years ago and is now in remission. DD asked if she could come, and we said yes. We are looking forward to a lovely family holiday after an unpleasant couple of years. It doesn't matter what age any DC are IMO. It will be all expenses paid for DD too, she doesn't have a lot of disposable income and I want to treat her.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 13/04/2017 16:22

I would rather do the Can Can on a bed of nails than go on holiday with my mother. Maybe if she paid..? No. No amount of money would be enough.
But it's lovely if people want to! I would pay for DS when he's 40, if I had the money to bribe him into coming.

KitKats28 · 13/04/2017 16:22

@Ferrisday, we told DS and DD (20 and 17) that this year would be their last family holiday. I'm sure it won't be. 😉

Kokusai · 13/04/2017 16:26

Sooooo I'm over 30 and go away with my parents and they pay for me to go.

Put it like this - I like my parents. I like going on holiday with them.

However, if I had to pay I would make different holiday choices (like go somewhere cheaper, or do something focused on one of my hobbies).

So basically, they pay and I go. Or they don't pay and I don't go. Or we would do something shorter/cheaper.

onceandneveragain · 13/04/2017 16:27

bibbitybobbityyhat - what can you possibly find odd about people that are fond of each other spending time together somewhere they are free of the usual day-to-day chores and time restraints?

some people see their parents every day and holidays are a time to be apart
other people live miles from their parents and see holidays as a time to reconnect
some people (particularly) in other countries even live with their parents!

The only thing odd is people who can't think outside their own narrow experience to understand that other people are all different, have different relationships with their families, like different things, and do things differently to them!

I don't think it's any weirder or infantalising for parents to pay for adult children to go on holiday with them than it is to give them a deposit for a house, or pay for (or provide free) childcare, or fees for grandchildren's private schools.

Saying that, I do think there is a difference between holidays with the parents paying for the majority of the holiday (flights, accomodation, etc), and then everyone chipping in a bit/ treating parents to a nice meal to say thank you/bringing their own spending money, etc, to the adults who don't even bring any spending money themselves, having to ask the parents even to get a round of drinks, or buy an icecream! (Dsis....)

Kokusai · 13/04/2017 16:27

We go to an AI resort - so there is nothing to pay for when there. But I take them out one night for a posh meal that I pay for.

So I maybe pay like £300 and they pay £2000 for me to go!

Xmasbaby11 · 13/04/2017 16:28

It doesn't sound weird to me. Many parents enjoy treating their children, whatever their ages.

kmc1111 · 13/04/2017 16:29

DH I do this with the DC's. We pay for everything and give them spending money. We can easily afford it, and we like having family holidays.

The DC are doing pretty well, but can only really afford one big holiday a year. They love the family holidays, but naturally at their age if they could only have one holiday they'd choose one with their boyfriends/girlfriends and/or friends, and DH and I wouldn't dream of pressuring them to do otherwise. So we pay and will keep paying as long as the DC's want to come with us.

CarpetBagger · 13/04/2017 16:31

I think its lovely and if I have the ££ would love my DDs to want to spend time with me as adults! Its a gift, its sad some people wouldnt want too or enjoy holidaying with their DP. I really enjoyed mine as people I could have fun with.

SootSprite · 13/04/2017 16:39

Whenever I have lunch with my Dad he automatically pays (unless it's for his birthday). When I go on holiday he gives me a tenner to buy myself ice cream. I'm 44 😂. I think it's cute.

Why do you think it's weird? At what age do you think parents should stop treating their children?

Chavelita · 13/04/2017 16:57

Who are you supposed to be close friends with when you grow up? I know people who are still close friends with their friends from school. Isn't there something to be said for being able to maintain relationships from childhood into adulthood?

I'm not suggesting it's not normal to have friendly relations with your parents . (I certainly do -- and both parents and ILs have been on holidays with us, since we've had DS especially, as they don't see enough of him because we live abroad, only we pay, as both sets of parents are poor.) I just think that a friendship is an entirely different thing to a cordial parent/adult child relationship. It's not an age thing, either - one of my closest friends is only slightly younger than my mother.

Tbh, I find the idea of staying friends with your school pals all your life quite odd, too. By definition, for me, you grow up and away from that early base. I do have one school friend I'm still very fond of, but we live in different countries and don't see one another much, and what we have in common now is mutual affection, really. The most established group of friends I'm still close to is from my postgrad days, so from when I was 25. I think because I made those friendships as an adult, so I didn't grow out of them, even though again, we're all scattered all over the world.

almondpudding · 13/04/2017 17:01

Most people in the UK live within 20 miles of where they lived as a teenager, and most haven't been to university, so it is pretty normal to keep friends for life.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 13/04/2017 17:07

I do at least one trip with my parents every year. There wasn't the money for foreign trips when I was growing up and now my parents are in a position to do this, they like having me and sometimes DP along. They pay for the hotels, we pay for the travel, and we take care of planning, navigating and being general tour guides and translators. We get to go on nice trips that would otherwise be beyond our means, my parents get a stress free holiday, and we all generally have a lovely time.

Chavelita · 13/04/2017 17:08

Well, I'm not from the UK, and where I'm from, emigration was pretty much the expected thing for my generation, whether or not you went to university, so the idea of the majority of people staying with 20 miles of where they grew up is really alien to me. But yes, I can see how that would alter relations with old school friends and family, if you never moved away geographically.

nuttyknitter · 13/04/2017 17:13

We have a great relationship with our adult children and their partners. We enjoy spending time with them and they often ask us along to things. We often treat them - we are fortunate to have comfortable pensions and less than extravagant tastes. We could leave it to them in our wills but we'd rather have the pleasure of seeing their enjoyment.

Gottagetmoving · 13/04/2017 17:14

There is nothing wrong with treating someone to a holiday and paying for everything if you want to and can afford it.
There aren't any rules about it.
I think it's weird you give it any thought tbh.

Salmotrutta · 13/04/2017 17:17

I don't think it's odd at all if it's a close family and they enjoy each other's company?
I'm not saying I would do it but I certainly think people should do what they want regarding holidays.

Kokusai · 13/04/2017 17:18

We could leave it to them in our wills but we'd rather have the pleasure of seeing their enjoyment.

Yes, nicer to share the enjoyment and time together than money after you are gone.

GoodGirlGoneWrong · 13/04/2017 17:19

We have been away with my parents, they paid for most things - it's just the way they are. They also have struggled with raising 4 children with little money and now have a lot of extra disposable income.

I paid for a few meals out (after much arguing) and some other bit and bobs.

They enjoyed spoiling their child and grandchildren.

out of the blue they have joined us on a camping trip staying in and b&b nearby and joined us on the beach.

NoBetterName · 13/04/2017 17:19

Surprised by the number of people who have parents paying for them to go on holiday etc. There is no way my parents would pay (nor would I expect them to) for me to go on holiday. It's their money, they worked hard to earn it and I wouldn't feel right to take money from them. Even if we go out for a meal with them, dh or I will pick up the bill for them, not the other way around.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2017 17:19

It is weird. People either seem to have parents who dote on them like they're 8 forever, or parents who disown them at the first sign of disagreement. Surely there's a happy medium?

It's weird that you think there isn't

pictish · 13/04/2017 17:21

Why would you be so sneery about something so completely innocuous? It's their money and she is their daughter. Plenty of people are treated to holidays by family members. I don't see the problem at all.
Are you a little bit envious perhaps? I can see no other reason for being so sour.

Chavelita · 13/04/2017 17:23

It's weird that you think there isn't

Well, tbf, you don't see the happy medium represented that much on Mn, probably for obvious reasons .

pieceofpurplesky · 13/04/2017 17:23

OP it's not me that has a chip on my shoulder ..... bothers me not if adults decide to pay for other adults to go on holiday with them ... why would it bother you so much as it really is none of your business

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