To be fuming at this restaurant?

[Ginge85]

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there . He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

Oh and presumably your 6 year old is capable of understanding and choosing something from the menu, capable of waiting, capable of reasoning. A 14m old struggles with most of these things.

Temper temper, another parent who thinks the world revolves around them.

But what's the difference/how can they tell? If it's a long wait it will be many different nibbly bits - easily enough to constitute a meal... the snacks will be in place before we order too - highchair without food isn't generally a success!

Oh my goodness! I've just logged on here and am amazed to see this post is still going on! I started this thread a week ago!

It seems to me there are clearly two camps here, those who don't see the problem, and those that thing its VU. I'm finding a bit odd that the same few posters from the VU camp are still relentlessly arguing their point with anyone who agrees with me. Can you not just agree to disagree? Just because that's your opinion, doesn't make it the only opinion that is right. Why can't you accept that not everyone thinks like you?

I've said several times that I will be checking at all times in future if I want to bring my own food for my baby (yes- my 14mo is a baby- maybe your DC weren't 'babies' at 14mo- but mine is- believe me). Believe it or not, despite your opinions, lots of restaurants really do not care. They don't- I know this for a fact as I've had lots of restaurants offer to heat things up (with hot water) for me. They actually offer. I've worked in places myself where there's no problem at all for children in high chairs providing the adults are ordering their own food. Obviously now I know not all places are like this and there's an issue there. But it's not an outrage for all places either- for some it's completely fine. I've said I will ask in future and I was BU to assume.
Surely there's not really much else to be said here?

I was listening to a chat show on the radio earlier. A wiman was being interviewed after she decided to stop using her smartphone for a certain period. She was finding g it hard to break the habit as she previously checked her phone even in the middle of the night and relied on it as a computer as well as a phone.

She had a number of statistics about our changing phone habits. One of them was that nobody really minds, whenout eating in a restaurant if somebody checks their phone for messages and people generally only get annoyed if the person they are dining with is constantly checking their phone. She made the point that fifteen years ago it would have been considered terribly ignorant to take out your phone at all during a meal.

It reminded me of this thread and the other thread about bagging tables. What was once socially unacceptable becomes more 'normal' when more and more people do it although It doesn't make it any less impolite.

*woman

Oh and presumably your 6 year old is capable of understanding and choosing something from the menu, capable of waiting, capable of reasoning. A 14m old struggles with most of these things

I agree, all but the fussiest 6 year old could choose from the menu. But my point is, that to keep it simple, and to avoid arguments about who is or isn't allowed their own food, I can understand why a restaurant would have a blanket ban on outside food being brought in.

Think is, I am that fussy adult who brings her own stuff into cafes. I am really allergic to cows milk, but love tea, so I often carry soya milk with me. If I am ordering tea, and the cafe doesn't stock soya milk, I always ask if I may use the milk I've bought with me as I have an allergy. I've never been refused, presumably as I am still paying full price for tea.

If I was to bring my own teabag in as well as my own milk, and ask for a cup of hot water, then however reasonable I felt I was being - because I was also ordering a meal from them - I would still be in the wrong.

Having an allergy doesn't make you a fussy adult, IMO, @ArcheryAnnie. You have a genuine need for soy milk.

Actually I'm surprised at this, I ate at a lot of places when dc were little and no one ever minded bringing our own food under about 2 years old. Can't see the difference between that and eating off my plate, they'd still get the same money.

Changed my username - it is me with the 6 year old. She is 6 NOW. But when she was that age I still wouldn't have taken my own food to a restaurant. We took her to India when she was 2.5 and she didn't starve. There is always something, fingerfood or whatever that they can eat.

Taking your own food to a restaurant is cheeky as fuck, unless they are literally on purees - and imo purées aren't especially necessary. It is a business ffs. If you want to take kids to a restaurant either order/share from their menu or feed them before/after or do something else.

I might be smug, but letting kids try new things and eat bits and bobs either from your plate or a child sized portion/side dish of their own at any age that they are on solids is bound to make them less resistant to trying new things and more adaptable. (Except for genuine allergies of course) Plus who wants the hassle of carrying Luke warm food around in your handbag all day?! I personally couldn't be arsed. If I'm eating out it's to save myself all that faff!

Also as my dd was one once, I know what a 14 mo is capable of. That's what toys/distraction etc are for. If they can't wait to get their food in a restaurant, don't go. Don't use that as an excuse to produce your own food!

Most restaurants will accommodate smaller portions, adapting dishes or brining kids food out first. But asking them to be tolerant of you bringing your own food is a bit of a piss take really.

How many times as the OP do I have to admit I was BU to assume it was okay and to state I will be checking in future before ever doing it again, before this thread dies? If you think I was BU and you've told me- fair enough, I appreciate that and I've learnt from it. But why keep posting over and over and over. It's really not that important is it? There are people (arguably 50/50 now) who don't think I'm BU- so there's clearly scope for different opinions here. Can we please accept that people have different views and stop repeatedly commenting on a week old thread saying the same thing over and over and over again ?

And yes I have changed my name.

I'm with you OP, 14 months isn't that old and if there isn't a kids menu I'm sure other diners would prefer junior member of the party to be content with their own pasta than crying because they don't want something more exciting.

That said, normally i like the opportunity to give DS something different and usually order him a starter to pick at.

ClearlyNeverFittingIn If everyone just "agreed to disagree" there wouldn't be any point in this forum would there? Anyway, people aren't arguing with you if you are saying that you have changed your opinion and will ask next time. They are arguing with those who think YWNBU and visa versa.

No, you're right. But surely when one person has said their piece and then the other has responded, there's no need to just keep repeating it over and over again? Neither person is going to conform to the others way of thinking? I don't understand what is trying to be achieved really. I've not changed my mind in the fact that it's U to bring food in for a baby (or a child in a highchair) providing that the adults are paying for a full meal- I've just changed my mind in the fact that it's wrong to assume all restaurants are okay with it.

No, you're right. But surely when one person has said their piece and then the other has responded, there's no need to just keep repeating it over and over again? Neither person is going to conform to the others way of thinking?

I don't think that people have said exactly the same thing over and over.

I've not changed my mind in the fact that it's U to bring food in for a baby (or a child in a highchair) providing that the adults are paying for a full meal- I've just changed my mind in the fact that it's wrong to assume all restaurants are okay with it.

So you still think that all restaurants shouldbe okay and don't feel that it is up to them whether they want to provide facilities for children who aren't eating their food?

no ive said it was wrong of me to assume all restaurants are okay with it. If they're not- they're not, that's up to them, rules are rules and I respect that. IMO I don't see a massive issue aslong as the rest of the party are ordering off a menu and the child in question is in a highchair. But thats my opinion and I don't expect everyone to have the same one. And I will be checking that it's okay should I want to bring my own food for DS (whilst he's still using a highchair) in the future.

I have posted on here already. But I feel I have to comment again!!!

WTF?!!!

There is nothing wrong with bringing in your own food for a baby of that age. Honestly what is wrong with you people?

My DD is 13 months and I do this. I'd rather bring her own food in that I know she will eat. I do sometimes order off the menu if there is something she will like. But I have never felt like I have to from any restaurant I have been in.

And seriously?? Those suggesting just give a 14 month old chips?? No wonder so many kids are obese!!

no ive said it was wrong of me to assume all restaurants are okay with it. If they're not- they're not, that's up to them, rules are rules and I respect that.

I think that is what those who are were (initially) saying YABU meant. It is fine to bring your own food if you have the restaurant's permission. If not, then it seems really unreasonable to bring your own food from home, sit a potentially noisy and messy child in one of their highchairs without even asking if it is okay. Some restaurants may think it's worth it if the parents are ordering food but others may think that all in all, it isn't.

Fizzy - unless you eat in restaurants 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, the odd handful of chips will not make a child obese.

Where is that corner?

I used to do this when DD was a baby, like less than a year old. I wouldn't have done it over a year, you can always find something they can eat. A side or something.