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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there . He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:

doge · 19/04/2017 06:56

Probably no coincidence that she is not a fussy eater and eats a variety of foods.*

Goodness me 🙄

I would offer dd something off my plate too, but babies are often hungrier more often as they have smaller tummies, I really don't see the harm in a few breadsticks to keep her going while I wait for my meal.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/04/2017 08:36

I always smirk a bit at the posters who say how their very small child is not a fussy eater and will eat anything. Most of them do at that age. But most also go through a fussy phase. That can sometimes last 10 years. So hold that smugness back eh?

Daisies123 · 19/04/2017 08:48

People are forgetting this is a 14mo we're talking about. Whilst I'd have given my DD a bit of bread etc whilst she was starting solids at 6-8 months by the time they're past 10-12 months they really do need a balanced meal. I wouldn't just miss a meal out or make do with a bread roll, so why should my child? Which leaves you with a year or two to fill in when child portions are too big still but eating random side dishes isn't much of a balance.

Bottlesoflove · 19/04/2017 09:13

She's 6. Still not fussy. Not especially smug. She's gone off some things she used to like, but generally she will try things as I don't carry a full smorgasbord in my handbag. Also I think it is nice to involve children in the experience of eating out rather than just being your own food. I wouldn't take my own food to a restaurant so why should a child who can eat proper solid food?

Roomster101 · 19/04/2017 09:21

The difference between a small child eating food from your plate vs. you bringing food from home is the same as you not eating a dessert vs. bringing a dessert from home to eat.

If you want you child to use the restaurant facilities and give your child a "balanced meal" from home you should pay for it or at least ask if it is okay not to pay for it. Considering that small children often make a racket and a mess I think it is really cheeky to ask for a high chair when you are not intending to order food for the child. You should at least ask the restaurant if it is okay to do this.

Roomster101 · 19/04/2017 09:25

The only exception I can think of to this would be if there was a sign prohibiting outside food, and then I would clarify if that meant anything for baby too. But again, I still wouldn't be asking permission. It would just be a yes or no. And if it was a no, I'd go elsewhere. In the absence of a sign I would assume that it wasn't a problem.

You seriously think it is okay to eat your own food unless the restaurant puts up a sign saying it isn't okay??!!! The default is don't bring your own food unless the restaurant has said it is okay, not the other way around. Has it not occurred to you that restaurants who put up signs this have just got fed up of people taking the piss?

doge · 19/04/2017 09:32

You seriously think it is okay to eat your own food unless the restaurant puts up a sign saying it isn't okay??!!! The default is don't bring your own food unless the restaurant has said it is okay, not the other way around. Has it not occurred to you that restaurants who put up signs this have just got fed up of people taking the piss?

It's a bloody BABY!

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 09:39

Roomster, I've explained why I think the "paying customer" angle is barking mad repeatedly. I can't be bothered to repeat it again. Just go have a look at my PP and you will se that I have debunked the aspect quite clearly.

And I also thought I was quite clear in my last post - yes, I think it's fine to feed my baby (not myself as you switched it it) my own formula, purées, breastmilk, water, drinks, snacks, breadsticks, crackers, teeny tiny pots of three course meals, what the fuck ever, if (a) there is no sign to the contrary, and (b) I am buying meals for everyone else.

You think that is not okay - that is your default position. I think it is absolutely fine - that is my default position. Since there is no omniscient being to decide the matter for us, we will have to agree to disagree. Going round in circles about our respective differences of opinion is achieving very little. I shall carry on as before, as I'm sure you will too.

doge · 19/04/2017 09:44

The idea of someone quietly seething while I spoon feed my baby a petit filous in a cafe is really making me lol TBH.

Roomster101 · 19/04/2017 09:48

And I also thought I was quite clear in my last post - yes, I think it's fine to feed my baby (not myself as you switched it it) my own formula, purées, breastmilk, water, drinks, snacks, breadsticks, crackers, teeny tiny pots of three course meals, what the fuck ever, if (a) there is no sign to the contrary, and (b) I am buying meals for everyone else.

I don't think it makes any difference whether you are bringing the food for yourself or your child (I don't think a 14 month old who eats pasta counts as a baby btw.). It is ridiculous that you assume that unless a restaurant has put up a sign, it is okay to bring food from home while using the restaurant facilities. The restaurant might think it is worthwhile for you to use one of their highchairs if you are buying some food/drink for yourself but they should be given the choice i.e. you should ask .

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 09:51

Egads, doge, how very dare you try to make a dining experience nicer for your baby, and save all the nearby customers the horror of listening to your hungry baby screech, and even save the restaurant a bit of washing up by using your own little spoons and pots?? What on earth are you thinking?? You should inconvenience everyone far more by using the restaurant's own cups and plates and cutlery for your unpaying spawn and picking food out of your own meal whilst your baby howls and thrashes about impatiently causing a din. That is The Only Way.

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 09:54

Roomster, I think it makes all the difference in the world if it's me versus a baby. Babies scream and cry and cannot understand that food will be arriving soon. They also don't understand that if they don't like what's on offer they may not get anything else for some time. They don't give a fig if they disrupt everyone else's experience because they're hungry and bored and miserable. I, on the other hand, get all these things. I can therefore manage myself, and help my baby to manage by taking these very small steps. You consider it ignorant for me to do this. I consider it ignorant not to.

Shall we agree to disagree.

Roomster101 · 19/04/2017 09:57

Crapuccino By your rational perhaps we should all take our own food and cutlery to restaurants. Why should they complain if it saves them from having to do some washing up..

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 09:57

One last scenario Roomster. Let's say I feed baby entirely off my plate. A handful of chips, a few carrots, and some juice from my glass. Nothing from home. Not even a sip of water. The restaurant owner takes umbridge and asks me to leave. Would you think them reasonable or unreasonable?

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 09:59

Roomster I have literally no idea how your cutlery example is meant to relate.

Roomster101 · 19/04/2017 10:00

Roomster, I think it makes all the difference in the world if it's me versus a baby

As I said, I don't think a 14 month old who eats pasta counts as a baby. Yes, small children do sometimes scream and cry in restaurants and I think that it is all the more reason not to just assume that it is okay for them to use (and potentially make a mess of) a highchair if you are going to feed them food from home.

budgiegirl · 19/04/2017 10:01

what exactly the restaurant is objecting to if I am not buying a separate meal for my child. They're still "freeloading", using chair, table space, cutlery, etc

Surely the point is that if they allow a toddler to bring in their own food, at what point do the draw the line? A 3 year old? A 10 year old? A particularly fussy adult? It's simpler for a restaurant to just have a blanket rule on no food to be brought in, even if no extra food is ordered as a result. And it's probably much easier for the restaurant to turn a blind eye to a nibble on a breadstick or rice cake than it is for a toddler to be eating a home cooked pasta meal as in this case.

yes, I think it's fine to feed my baby (not myself as you switched it it) my own formula, purées, breastmilk, water, drinks, snacks, breadsticks, crackers, teeny tiny pots of three course meals, what the fuck ever, if (a) there is no sign to the contrary, and (b) I am buying meals for everyone else.

Why should there have to be a sign to the contrary? Surely it's just common courtesy to check before you crack on with feeding your child? If the OP had checked, then she could have chosen to stay or leave before she ordered anything, and the whole problem could have been avoided.

Roomster101 · 19/04/2017 10:06

One last scenario Roomster. Let's say I feed baby entirely off my plate. A handful of chips, a few carrots, and some juice from my glass. Nothing from home. Not even a sip of water. The restaurant owner takes umbridge and asks me to leave. Would you think them reasonable or unreasonable?

If I wasn't using the facitilies and the child was just sitting on my lap, the restaurant owner would be unreasonable to take umbridge. Even if feeding them from my plate, I would ask if it was okay first though. If they gave me a highchair and extra plate (as they often did), I would leave a large tip.

doge · 19/04/2017 10:09

Surely the point is that if they allow a toddler to bring in their own food, at what point do the draw the line? A 3 year old? A 10 year old? A particularly fussy adult?

If you are really comparing a 14m old to a "particularly fussy adult" then I despair, I really do.

budgiegirl · 19/04/2017 10:19

If you are really comparing a 14m old to a "particularly fussy adult" then I despair, I really do

I'm not comparing them, I'm simply saying that the restaurant has to draw the line somewhere. For example, say I have an 8 year old who is very fussy, and I want to bring food from home as she won't eat anything from the menu. The waiter tells me I can't, but I point out that a 2 year old at another table has brought their own sandwiches. It's pretty difficult for the waiter to tell me that the 8 year old can't eat their own food, and must order from the menu.

Much easier for the restaurant to say 'no outside food'.

Vaus · 19/04/2017 10:20

It's not about you not paying for a meal for your child, it's more to do with you bringing in food that has been cooked and prepared off the premises and is therefore a health and safety risk. If your child or you were to get food poisoning, or if you were to introduce something potentially dangerous and contagious to the restaurant, they would have hell of a time proving they aren't liable. Not worth the risk to them or to the rest of their customers, not to mention the poor waiter that would lose his job for not stopping you should the worst case scenario happen.

If you know your child might cause a bit of noise waiting the 15 minutes for meals and are concerned about it, that's probably an indication that you aren't in a child focused place to eat. People forget that other people's businesses do not revolve around their precious snowflakes, kids meals make very little profit and so frankly kids in restaurants aren't worth the hassle. He would have been well within his right to call the police if you ordered drinks and then refused to pay for them.

randomsabreuse · 19/04/2017 10:25

The biggest issue with a toddler in a restaurant is waiting - for the food to arrive and for it to be an acceptable temperature. My toddler has not yet learned patience, especially food she can see, smell and not have NOW! Unless we are going to somewhere they are pretty well guaranteed to bring something edible (I'm not precious - so poppadom, breadstick, bread or prawn cracker will do perfectly) I will provide something to keep her busy while we wait and cut up/cool down her food (which we always buy, even if sod all gets eaten).

If this is not acceptable we just don't go out or go somewhere where we might actually get to eat our food and retain out eardrums...

doge · 19/04/2017 10:27

Oh get a fucking life Vaus.

doge · 19/04/2017 10:28

"Your breadstick is a health and safety risk Madame!" I've heard it all now.

budgiegirl · 19/04/2017 10:29

I will provide something to keep her busy while we wait and cut up/cool down her food

That's quite different though, than providing her with a full meal that you have brought with you. I would think most places will turn a blind eye to that, (although there may be a few that still wouldn't allow it)

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