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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there Confused. He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 16/04/2017 14:57

This is surely a wind up? Either that or the sense of entitlement is off the scale.

YABVU

theduchessstill · 16/04/2017 15:06

It's your sense of hyperbole that is off the scale, TheNaze.

witsender · 16/04/2017 15:09

Most restaurants will do small portions of whatever they have going, which is way better than the standard nuggets and chips that a lot of restaurants seem to think kids exist on. We often ask for a half portion of pasta, or seafood or whatever.

Daisies123 · 16/04/2017 15:15

@lizzieoak
I've been following the NHS advice about not giving them too much high fibre stuff when they're little. Mine has a whole grain breakfast so I don't do it the rest of the day so she doesn't get too much fibre.

Daisies123 · 16/04/2017 15:20

@newmumwithquestions

Yes, that's what I like about this child friendly church cafe- the sandwiches are small (one pack is made with one slice of bread, which is the amount I'd give DD at home), available in white or brown and a few different simple fillings (cheese, tuna, chicken etc) and cost 50p. The yogurts are the LittleYeo ones, again which we have at home, also 50p. Fruit is 20-50p depending on what it is. They have plastic beakers and jugs of water available. So I can spend about £1.50 on DD's lunch, knowing she'll eat all of it and have a good time at the same time.

lizzieoak · 16/04/2017 15:23

Daisies - I hadn't heard that, thanks. My kids ate loads of fibre, but these recommendations are always in flux.

julesr21 · 16/04/2017 20:12

Absolutely yanbu. Ffs the child is only just over a year old and probably only eats small amounts. Who in their right mind expects someone to pay for a childs meal at that age. I always took my childs own food and never had a problem, in fact cafes would often ask if it needed heating up. I don't blame the op for walking out, sounds like the restaurant staff were rude and unhelpful

Lillithxxx · 18/04/2017 21:28

Good grief...
Please halt the tide of the self righteous precious parent....
Didn't your parents teach you anything about social norms?

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 21:37

I learned that not only do social norms change, they are often widely different even for similar people living in the same community at the same time anyway.

Similarly, not everyone will find the same things funny or offensive that you do, but that doesn't make them right and you wrong, or vice versa.

doge · 18/04/2017 21:46

This thread has astounded me, it's pretty fucking pathetic for a restaurant to get arsey about a 1yr old eating food from home when two adults are going to be paying for full meals, who the fuck cares?? A ONE year old. My one year old barely eats anything, I would never bother getting a kids meal for her cos it would just be a waste of food!

ArcheryAnnie · 18/04/2017 22:48

There's two conflicting messages here from those who think taking a toddler's picnic into a restaurant without asking is OK:

The small child eats so little that buying a children's meal is a waste of money as they'd only eat a mouthful.

A child eating bread, or a few chips or a spoonful of rice, or maybe a bit of veg from the adult's plate, won't manage as it isn't a proper meal.

...which is it, then?

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 23:00

I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive. Let's say I buy curry and chips, and baby can only eat the chips. They could have enough chips off that plate to fill their stomach, but it's not exactly a nutritionally great meal, right?

gandalf456 · 18/04/2017 23:04

It's not a picnic, it's a few mouthfuls of pasta. The point is, a couple of chips and some bread aren't the most balanced, nutritionally speaking, and, yes, a child's meal would be targeted at 3+, not a one year old baby so a waste of money as most would be left

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 23:06

The thing that's bizarre to me is that even if a restaurant forbids parents from feeding a baby using food from home, they're still very unlikely to get an extra "paying customer" out of it. In our case, the adults all tiny bits from their plate on a saucer and that's baby's lunch. Even now with our three year old we still do this since he can't eat even half a child's meal yet and I abhor food-waste. The restaurant makes exactly zero pounds from this. Their cutlery and high-chair and table still get used by this non-paying freeloader, but yet this is somehow "okay". So if it's not a matter of the child being a "paying customer", what is the actual, concrete objection?

ArcheryAnnie · 18/04/2017 23:48

A couple of spoonfuls of cold, mushy pasta isn't exactly a balanced meal, either.

ArcheryAnnie · 18/04/2017 23:52

Also is there any restaurant in the universe that sells "curry and chips"? or do you mean you could offer your small child chips, rice, poppadoms, a pea or two taken out from the paneer dish, a green bean lifted from the vegetable dhansk, a piece of cucumber from the chopped salad, a little hunk of soft, warm naan bread, a bit of the crisp, delicious crust from a samosa, and so on?

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 23:52

I'm sure if you're determined, Annie, nothing at all I could bring from home in a tub would constitute a balanced meal, no matter if it was a miniature version of something I'd take in a big tub for my own lunch, and yet Ella's pouches seem to pack entire meals into a single smooshy mess that is considered quite sufficient.

The mind can only boggle at the science that must go into their wizardry, eh.

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 23:54

Re the curry, sure. If that was an option I absolutely could and would pick all of those things out, if that was how the meal was served (not every restaurant produces such beautifully partitioned curries, as I'm sure you know) but that still takes us back to my post about what exactly the restaurant is objecting to if I am not buying a separate meal for my child. They're still "freeloading", using chair, table space, cutlery, etc.

Floggingmolly · 18/04/2017 23:55

How often do all you "every meal must be a perfect nutritionally balanced feast for my precious offspring" eat out with your precious babies, anyway? Would one meal of chewing on some carrot sticks really impact on their general health? in a way that the ubiquitous pot of pasta wouldn't?
Why do people thing pasta is the food of the Gods? It's just crappy carbs.

ArcheryAnnie · 19/04/2017 00:02

All those things, Crappucino, are just bog-standard items in many bog-standard Indian cafes and takeaways. I'm not talking about the Cinnamon Club, here.

I can't think of any cafe, apart from possibly a fried chicken shop, where you couldn't pick out something from an adult meal for a small child to amuse themselves with.

And as someone has pointed out, not every chewing moment of a small child's life has to be perfectly nutritionally-balanced, just over the course of the day. If they've only eaten naan in the restaurant, then you feed them veg at home.

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 00:18

That's fine, Annie, I don't disagree in the least. My problem is, even if you do this, the restaurant still gets no money out of it. The baby remains an "unpaid customer". So the conundrum I see is this:

  1. They mind babies not being paying customers - in which case they should crack down on people feeding babies from their own plate too.

  2. They don't mind babies not being paying customers - in which case who cares what they eat, whether off an adult's plate or out of a tub brought from him.

See my problem? If it's not about the money then what is it about?

ArcheryAnnie · 19/04/2017 00:20

It's about courtesy, Crappucino, and not assuming you can take your own food into a cafe without asking first.

Crapuccino · 19/04/2017 00:32

I guess this is a point on which we differ. For me (and maybe some will think this outrageous) if I'm paying for several adult meals and drinks, I would find it odd to also ask permission to also be allowed to feed my baby, whether it's a bottle of formula, or some breastmilk, or a pouch of purée, or a tub of god forbid pasta. Perhaps that would seem discourteous to some. To me, asking would feel absurd.

The only exception I can think of to this would be if there was a sign prohibiting outside food, and then I would clarify if that meant anything for baby too. But again, I still wouldn't be asking permission. It would just be a yes or no. And if it was a no, I'd go elsewhere. In the absence of a sign I would assume that it wasn't a problem.

I suspect that on this point, we may simply have different views of what counts as okay behaviour.

Bottlesoflove · 19/04/2017 06:52

It would never have occurred to me to take my own food for my dd to a restaurant, and she is a vegetarian. There is always something on the menu she can have or share with me, if not something I am absolutely certain I would know she would like, then something new to try.

Probably no coincidence that she is not a fussy eater and eats a variety of foods.

Yabvvvvuuu. It is a business, not a crèche.

Bottlesoflove · 19/04/2017 06:54

Op - it is not acceptable anywhere - you are just massively entitled and people have always been too polite to say anything.