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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there . He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:

Voice0fReason · 14/04/2017 17:13

if he child is too young to order something, which at 14 months the child was old enough to have ordered a child's portion, you give them something from your plate. I assume you were you trying to save money on the toddlers meal as I cannot believe that anyone would really think that is acceptable.
Apart from the food hygiene implications for them...why should you think it's OK to take a high chair that another paying child could have had?
But you've just suggested that the child could eat something from the parent's plate so that makes the child non-paying!
And could you explain what the food hygiene implications are please?

Could someone explain what the cut-off age is? At what age should a baby be expected to be able to eat a full child's meal?
My youngest was premature so was still barely eating at 14 months so a child's meal would have been a complete waste.

xrayyankeezulu · 14/04/2017 17:32

YABU to be fuming, DD aged 4 is a resistant eater, it's god awful!! Usually me & DH would only eat somewhere where we know they'll be something she'll eat on the menu on the odd occasion where that isn't possible & I've taken something for her I've asked the greeter before taking us to our table if it will be ok for her to have what I've taken. You should of asked before being seated if it was ok & if not gone elsewhere

SomethingBorrowed · 14/04/2017 17:32

I'd say cut off age is around 12 mo / when the child eats solid food

lljkk · 14/04/2017 17:35

I would feed my 14m old off my plate. I would choose the restaurant & what I ordered on basis of finding something for them. Or buying a side dish (simple toast or plain chips) that are suitable enough. TBH, we rarely even look at the kids' menus. Usually cobble together meals from other options, like bowls of chips in the side dishes section.

I guess if I had a hankering for a completely unsuitable restaurant that my 14m old had to come with me to, then I would ask the management if ok to provide my own food for the kid.

Cut off... 6-8 months? You can give a 6 month old unsalted chips to suck on. They're happy, I'm happy...

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 17:57

Honestly, for those people who draw this imaginary line at allowing a baby twelve months or under special dispensation to have their own food brought from home, what do you do if you have a baby who is over that boundary but was was premature and therefore has a much lower corrected age, or has problems with a cleft palate, or has serious allergies, or isn't taking to solids very well and so is on a limited range of foods, or is just massive and looks much older than they really are, or has sensory disorders around food, or is on a medically prescribed diet for a condition...

mimiasovitch · 14/04/2017 18:02

For me this depends on what the parents are eating and how old the child is. I run a restaurant, and have no problem with tiny tots being fed, as long as an adult has a coffee at least. I did object today to the family having coffees (bearing in mind we are a restaurant not a coffee shop) and getting out lunch boxes for the two children aged about 5. If the adults had purchased food I wouldn't have minded so much. I think they were just wanting somewhere warm to eat. Not that they were kicked out or anything. I just mentioned that I'd prefer them not to.

primaryboodle · 14/04/2017 18:03

Dd is 9 months and i always take food for her - rice cakes/veg sticks etc... id be too worried about the salt intake in my food or kids meals tbh. Never occured to me it would be a problem until this thread..

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 14/04/2017 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Barbie222 · 14/04/2017 18:12

That sounds like a plan!!

Roomster101 · 14/04/2017 18:26

ForTheSakeOfFuck I don't think there is an imaginary line at 12 months. The line is when the child is no longer eating pureed food and could easily eat the restaurant food. Most children over 12 months can do that. If they can't for some reason or are younger than they look then that could be explained. OP's child was eating pasta rather than pureed food i.e. the could have eaten the restaurant food but chose not to.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/04/2017 18:36

Having read the rest of the thread, it's perfectly reasonable to bring in a snack or even an Ella's pouch whilst you're waiting for your food but even then I'd "ask" before feeding the snack anyway. If it is was ok to do so. If they said no, then you have the option to leave or order something for your baby.

So you're saying it's fine for me to whip out even crisps or a snack not bought there in a Pret or restaurant etc?! I've never tried to do this but if I had then I'd expect to be challenged.

Most parents I know with children even one with a lactose intolerance in a restaurant or cafe always choose something their children can have from the same venue (yes even the lactose intolerant one).

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 20:10

Super I would understand restaurants being much less tolerant of older children and adults eating stuff bought elsewhere but a bit of discretion for toddlers and babies, surely? God knows it's hard enough to get out of the house and do much of anything social/relaxing with a toddler to worry about. I just find it remarkable that as a culture we're so inflexible towards parents and little children.

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 14/04/2017 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Voice0fReason · 14/04/2017 22:43

You can give a 6 month old unsalted chips to suck on.
You might be happy to give your 6 month old chips but there is no way that I would have!

And I still don't understand the outrage. what is the difference between feeding the child a few bits of food from your plate, and feeding them a small pot of food that you have brought with you. The restaurant is still getting the same amount of income and the child has a more appropriate meal.

If there is something suitable then buy it, but if there isn't, taking your own is fine. I regularly did it and was never challenged.
Every time I went out to dinner with my autistic son, up to the age of about 10, I took a drink for him. He had an extremely limited range of food and drink. We could always find something on the menu that could be adapted for him, but if they didn't stock his drink, he wouldn't drink and would be very distressed. We ordered 4 meals, 3 drinks and an empty glass please - never once did they ever so much as raise an eyebrow.

I've ordered hot water at the end of a meal to add either lemon juice or green tea to. Never had a complaint.

As long as the group is ordering meals and drinks, odd bits of food or drink brought in really doesn't matter.

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 22:54

Potatoes are healthier than pasta, on balance. The odd chip is not any more evil than a pot of pasta. I'm not getting the mindset that pasta is some sort of ambrosia that is essential to good health in children.

SalemSaberhagen · 14/04/2017 23:14

Don't you dare say that Molly. Pasta is all my 2 year old eats

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 23:18

Well, it's not exactly bad, Salem, obviously... .
Just odd that someone would throw their hands up in horror at the sound of a chip but think the pasta is somehow inherently better.

Voice0fReason · 14/04/2017 23:39

I wouldn't have fed my 6 month old pasta either!
It wasn't an objection to pasta or chips for children, just not for my 6 month old. I had previously explained, he was premature and at 6-8 months he was only just starting on purees. A PP said the cut-off age should be 6-8 months as 6 month olds could eat chips - mine couldn't.

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 00:06

Purees for a 6 month old are entirely different to plates of pasta for robust toddlers. All of mine were only starting solids for the first time at 6 months (and no, they weren't weaned on chips!)

Daisies123 · 15/04/2017 08:14

I never even thought of this as a problem. DD is 16mo and I've always taken a packed lunch for her - and we have lunch out at least once a week. If we're going to somewhere like Pret I take less and buy fruit from Pret, but restaurant type places I take everything. DD eats extremely well but I would be worried about the salt content of restaurant food? Started with taking purée out and then just kept going.

One place we go has two sizes of children's menu for little ones and bigger little ones. Went in there the other week and asked the waitress about the portion sizes. She brought a plate out to show me - it was still big, even for the smallest size menu and for DD way too big still even though she eats a huge amount. I asked if they had an age cut off for bringing children's food in and she said they didn't. So I imagine I'll be doing it until at least two.

user1483808257 · 15/04/2017 08:33

I cannot believe the responses to this post!

I am totally with OP. 14 months is still so little. We feed our baby organic food only: I dread to think what cheap crap may go into the food served at the type of restaurant where you are chastised for feeding your baby home cooked food!!

Id far rather my baby had a nutritional meal as opposed to some buttery mash, salty meat or greasy chips!

Id have done the same.

ataraxia · 15/04/2017 09:54

Walking out without paying is not cool. Just because you didn't drink the drinks doesn't mean they can serve them again - same for the food which was already on order. Minimum wage wait staff may have to pay. Feeding a baby a bottle or some rusks is not the same as a 14m old having lunch - you seem to begrudge spending money on food for your child at a place that is in the business of selling food. Erm...you're going to come across this "issue" in a lot of other places.

Not massively unreasonable to give it a try if your son's a fussy eater and you had food on you (although might have been nicer to ask them). It is unreasonable IMO to complain when they explained their policy, and unthinkable IMO to walk out over it.

Roomster101 · 15/04/2017 11:56

The difference is the same as not eating a starter or dessert vs. bringing your own starter and dessert. Also, I would always ask if it was okay first and they would usually bring me an extra plate if it was. The cost to the restaurant is the same but you are not using the restaurants facilities to eat your own food without their permission.

If there is something suitable then buy it, but if there isn't, taking your own is fine. I regularly did it and was never challenged.

It really isn't. It is very rude. You could look at the menu online or before going in and if there wasn't anything acceptable to eat you should have asked the restaurant in advance if it was okay to bring food from home or gone to a different restaurant.

Every time I went out to dinner with my autistic son, up to the age of about 10, I took a drink for him. He had an extremely limited range of food and drink. We could always find something on the menu that could be adapted for him, but if they didn't stock his drink, he wouldn't drink and would be very distressed. We ordered 4 meals, 3 drinks and an empty glass please - never once did they ever so much as raise an eyebrow.

That's fine if you asked them and explained the problem. If not, I don't think it would be at all acceptable to take a 10 year old to a restaurant, use their facilities but give him food you had brought from home.

gandalf456 · 15/04/2017 12:22

This is a ten year old though so it's different to bringing food for a toddler. I know he has needs so it could be equivalent in that respect but, at ten, you're right in that you have to explain the situation in case they think he's average and you are just being cheeky

roses2 · 15/04/2017 12:35

YANBU and I don't know why so many people saying you are!

I have a 14 month old. He only has 4 teeth so most things are unsuitable plus I don't give him food laden with salt.

The restaurant were being unreasonable telling you not to bring food for a 14 month old. It's not as though your 14 month old would have even eaten 1/4 of a child's meal had you ordered one.

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