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Original poster

Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

740 replies

SilverLeafClover · 12/04/2017 11:01

We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

OP posts:
Kahlan83 · 15/04/2017 15:17

Here we go again. A mum asks a perfectly reasonable question and the vulture pounce on her and rip her to shreds. Well this proud, not showy non perfect mum is fighting back!

These so called "parents" I refer to as "mobile parents" because they can't be bothered to raise the kids they bore and relay on mobile devices to do their job! I would rather talk to my child all day long that talk to those kind of people.

The OP mum never said she was perfect, she just asked a reasonable question and they she got labelled judgemental. Which she was NOT. Personally, I have no problem with kids using mobile devices for a LIMITED time a day, as its been proven to help with their hand/eye coordination, but you have to LIMIT their time, not let them use it whenever convenient for YOU!

When you have kids, you have to be prepared to put your needs/desires on hold. Children come first, every time. If you're not prepared to do this, DON'T have kids!
I'm not what you lot labelled as perfect, but I am very happy been a mum and spending all day with my DS. When I go out my DS is my priority, not adults. I accept this and am willing to catch up with adults when I can. Usually when DS sleeps. To go a whole meal and not speak to your children is UNACCEPTABLE!

Catch up with adults while your little ones sleep, it not hard, I manage it with Skype and whatsApp. Oh and before you all shout, "you probably have lots of help", actually I don't, just DH. My father been dead 3 years, my mum's health prevents her from helping, my stepdad is my mum's carer so he's busy and they live over an hour from us. My brother and his girlfriend have two children of their own and live far from us too. My DH mum lives miles from us and has COPD and very poor lung capacity so is unable to help us.

Been a parent is the hardest job you can do, but it so worth it. Seeing my child interact with us is amazing. I love every minute of it. I treasure his nap time tho, cause they are for me and DH to be together a d catch up with family/friends on Skype/whatsapp.

I'm so tired of seeing parents out and about with their children and instead of showing them the world around them, the parents are glued to Facebook on their phones.

As an example, last week I was on the bus with my DS and two other mums were on the bus too. The mums were polar opposites of each other.

Mum#1 was engaging with her DS about his school day and what homework he had for the next day, generally taking a interest of her child and her child very happy to talk to her.

Mum#2 was glued to her phone scrolling through her facebook for the whole hour long journey as her DD tried to tell her mum about her day and got told very loudly to "shut up, I'm busy!". Then she shoved a tablet at her DD to watch and carried on looking at her phone. DD looked put out and rather sad. It broke my heart, so when she spotted my DS she smiled and she asked me about him, what was his name, how old was he, if she could hold his hand etc. She talked/played with my DS and me the rest of the journey. Such a lovely girl. So sad to see her ignored by her own mum.

Don't get me wrong, I've seen some hard to handle children, God, this wee lad - Oliver springs to mind, but that's for another post. All children want from us parents is our undivided attention and it not hard to give it. Children are only little for a short time, before you know it they're moody hormone infused teenagers that hate been around us "old" parents. Don't let this time pass by without been 100% present. If your out for dinner, talk to your children, have them interact with your friends too, it all helps them develop their social skills, something they need badly in the life ahead.

Let's also stop tearing each other apart on MN, it helps no one and I guess my post didn't really help, but it just annoys me when a mum that asked a reasonable question got grilled so badly for it. Also she wasn't judging her friends, she was using them as an example for a problem we all to much these days. As parents, she should parent our children, not had devices to do it for us. It's not what they are for. Devices are a learning tool, not a parent substitute. If your out for dinner and colouring bores you little ones, bring a educational toy they love to keep them amused while you wait for dinner to arrive.

See there will come a day when you want to talk to your teenager and they'll be to busy on their phone/tablet/kindle/xbox to talk to you and you be like '"be like - "why don't you talk to me, why you always on that thing?" and they'll be like - "because this is what I've been taught is normal".

Have a great day everyone and be kinder to each other, the world can be a cruel place, don't make it worse by turning on each other.

Edit note: I'm dyslexic so, I apologise for any grammer/spelling mistakes I've made.

Spikeyball · 15/04/2017 15:52

Kahlan from what you have said you appear to have a very young child. You are coming across as lecturing people who have experiences you know nothing about.

RortyCrankle · 15/04/2017 15:57

I 100% agree with you OP. I would like to ask the parents who rely on screens to keep their children amused when dining out what you would have done sixty years ago at the time I was a child? I remember my sister and I dressing up to be taken for a rare meal by our parents in a restaurant, for a birthday etc and from quite a young age we would all sit and chat to each other. Why do you think it's so unreasonable to expect a child today to do the same thing?

As someone said, when does a child become old enough to sit at a dinner table without having a screen plonked in front of them? It's a horrifying thought that as adults they will be incapable of going to a restaurant without being plugged into a gadget.

Lndnmummy · 15/04/2017 15:57

What spikey said

Spikeyball · 15/04/2017 15:59

Rorty, there will be adults who rely on specific things to cope with being out somewhere. Not so long ago those adults never went out.

user1466690252 · 15/04/2017 16:01

I was judged when pregnant in a resturant. Ds1 (3years old) had just gone for a lovely meal in a posh place, I was so proud of him, he ate nicely, good manners and we had a really lovely time. On the way home, we called into a different restaurant for a drink and some pudding (we were on holiday) ds was getting tired, but still wanted cake, just a bit fractious. I gave him my phone to watch Thomas the tank engine on and a lady next to me comment to her husband at my "lazy parenting" I was so upset because they judged me. He was amazing in the last restaurant, nonscreen time and we had a lovely meal. I was keeping him entertained for other peoples benefit. We left without our drink or cake as I was angry and didn't want to cause a scene. But honestly, I was so upset on that slight snapshot of our life that she decided to judge us on. Noone is perfect all the time

grannytomine · 15/04/2017 16:03

RortyCrankle I was a child 60 years ago as well. My memory is that children were fine to sit and chat at a family meal but if you were with other adults your parents expected you to sit quietly and let the adults talk. Children were considered precocious, and not in a good way, if they tried to join in with adult conversation. Yes we were all very good at enduring boring meals out and the food was usually vile but God help you if you opened your mouth.

RortyCrankle · 15/04/2017 16:06

Spikeyball
Rorty there will be adults who rely on specific things to cope with being out somewhere. Not so long ago those adults never went out.

Of course but the vast majority don't.

I can see in the future babies being implanted with screens which can be linked to age appropriate videos from birth to death. Ugh.

haveacupoftea · 15/04/2017 16:06

I really think people should learn to mind their own business. That includes you Kahlan

sodabreadjam · 15/04/2017 16:22

I agree 100% with what Kahlan83 said. I am in the grandparent age group so I brought up two DSs without screens until they were aged around ten. They then had hand-held computer games - not for use at meal times. They did watch their fair share of TV but mealtimes at home or in restaurants were for eating and talking, not screen-watching.

I wouldn't judge parents on the basis of the glimpse of one meal - who knows if the child is tired, has been ill or is SN as others have mentioned.

However, I went on holiday to the Canaries recently and saw one couple with two DCs aged around 2.5 and 10 months (in a high chair). At every meal they brought two rubber-covered tablets and plonked them down in front of the DCs while they ate. These children weren't misbehaving at the table - they didn't get the chance, Yes, I did judge their lazy parenting.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 15/04/2017 16:26

Yes, I did judge their lazy parenting

sodabread Good for you not

And speaking as a grandma myself, thanks not for helping to confirm the prejudice that some younger parents will have about the older generation being interfering and judgey

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 15/04/2017 16:32

Also @ sodabread. You say you are of the grandparent age group. Are you actually a grandparent?

If you are you will appreciate at close hand how very different (and greater) are the pressures our children are labouring under, and, this being the case, it is hardly surprising if they choose different parenting methods from those we might have chosen.

Guitargirl · 15/04/2017 16:37

Let's stop tearing each other apart on MN

That's a bit ironic kahlan given the rest of your post.

lottachocca · 15/04/2017 16:40

Don't let this time pass by without been 100% present I agree! All this time spent observing other people and their parenting skills - should maybe be spent giving your own dcs 100% of your attention. How do you find the time to judge without neglecting your own precious dcs.

sodabreadjam · 15/04/2017 17:03

No - I'm not a grandparent yet, but I'm retired and spend a lot of time with friends and relatives who are grandparents, their DCs and GCs.

Before I retired I was a teacher in a college - young people there aged 14 upwards. Some were addicted to their own screens and had no concentration for learning. And before anyone replies that our teaching methods must have been boring - they were very varied - lots of group work, active and practical learning, computers in every class, etc. But for some students, that wasn't enough - they wanted to be on their phones on social media all the time - it was what they were used to doing.

So for those who don't like anyone else criticising their parenting choices - remember that your DCs will be in the care of teachers who will be trying to educate them without resorting to screens all the time.

Guitargirl · 15/04/2017 17:06

I am consistently amazed in the DC's primary school at how much screen time there is built into the school day.

MsGameandWatch · 15/04/2017 17:10

DD uses iPads every day at school...

PippaH74 · 15/04/2017 17:13

I'm with you, seeing kids sat staring mutely at screens for long periods of time just doesn't sit comfortably with me (and from lots of news reports coming out it doesn't look like it's good for kids to be plugged in for long periods of time). My kids have Pipity Activity cases and books for lunches/ coffees out, keeps them productively busy while waiting for food and if we want to sit and chat after. The activities develop fine motor skills gets them using their imaginations and can do things together or on their own... so much better than an ipad or phone.

BeyondThePage · 15/04/2017 17:14

I use an iPad and computer system every day at work. Wish I'd learned to use them at a younger age. (but that has no bearing on having them at a dinner table and not engaging with others.)

MsGameandWatch · 15/04/2017 17:15

I'm a bit nonplussed by the "screens plonked in front of them" trope as well. No "plonking" here. That kind of carelessness could lead to breakage/damage and then where would we be? I hand mine to my children carefully and then help them get on wifi; interaction no?

sodabreadjam · 15/04/2017 17:17

I worked in learning technology at the end of my career and I'm all for pupils/students using computers, tablets, iPads and even their own phones for learning where appropriate. They just need to know when to tune out and listen to their teacher/lecturer/other students.

sodabreadjam · 15/04/2017 17:21

Edballs - I was speaking for myself, not everyone over 50. I can't be responsible if other people stereotype.

And if you read my post carefully, you would see that I don't judge anybody on one snapshot. The family I criticised used tablets in the dining room at every meal for a week.

grannytomine · 15/04/2017 17:30

sodabreadjam, I am a grandparent and I think ipads have been very educational for my grandchildren. As to the couple on holiday maybe they had spent hours playing with their children and just wanted to sit and relax? What a crime when you are on holiday! Fancy playing on the beach and sitting relaxing over a meal, how totally bizarre.

Agree with Edballs, I get fed up of people thinking if you are over 50 you WILL have certain ideas/prejudices. Some of us don't fit the stereotype.

As for teachers judging them, well my youngest two had their own computers from 4, i phones as teenagers. DD is now a head of department in a big school, she uses technology with the kids she teaches and is much in demand, has been head hunted by other schools so no I don't think she is going to be too horrified. She even lets her kids use ipads/iphones for activities in class if there are enough to go round i.e. at least 1 between 2.

sodabreadjam · 15/04/2017 17:40

I'm not disagreeing with anything you say granny. Teachers will be happy to have children who know their way around an iPad I'm sure.

The children they will have problems with are those who can't leave a phone/tablet alone, who can't conduct a conversation and who can't obey instructions.

ElasticGirl · 15/04/2017 17:56

There is a big difference between engaging with your children at mealtime at home, and taking them to a restaurant. If you are going out to a nice restaurant then that is probably for the convenience of the parents and so they may just want to make sure their children don't disturb other diners on that occassion. You are judging and you don't know the circumstances of that child. My daughter has a type of IBS, and gets anxious about eating in restsurants, but sometimes just has to because a family occassion demands it, so watching an ipad is a distraction.