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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

740 replies

SilverLeafClover · 12/04/2017 11:01

We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 14/04/2017 08:44

Parents who give phones to their kids during meals out will call you judgemental and parents like you who believe that verbal interaction with kids is imp would agree with you

But it's not an either/or situation.

I believe that verbal interaction with kids is important. And I also see no harm in distracting them with technology if they are bored and restless.

missdebaroo · 14/04/2017 08:49

I give my 4 year old my phone if we are at a restaurant with friends she will dip in and out of you tube kids. I think my friends would find it more annoying I was bringing the level of adult talk down to a 4 year old level just to keep her entertained.
Why not keep to softplay settings in future when out with friends with kids then screens won't be an issue.

hmcAsWas · 14/04/2017 08:56

Don't fess up to that here missdebaroo, you'll be told that you ap

hmcAsWas · 14/04/2017 08:58

(Oooops) that you are damaging your child's brain development and socialisation skills and that you will end up with a slack jawed and drooling adult incapable of sustaining a productive life

May09Bump · 14/04/2017 09:03

Maybe the parents needed a break and it was a lovely restaurant - they could have been entertaining them for the whole holiday. Next time you can bring the entertainment / topics for chat and give the parents a break that way.

At home we never have screens at the table - however when we are on holiday, it's about 50 percent of the time, as I need a break from the constant questions of my seven year old and I'm on holiday too.

AlexRose5 · 14/04/2017 09:08

Koala that's just the point though. Talk about being absolutely lambasted for (in SOME opinions) one false move !
It doesn't matter if they're great or rubbish outside that one meal . They've been judged to oblivion for it.
I personally think there's a hell of a lot worse parents could be doing than passing kids a screen during a meal . I grew up in the age where there was no such entertainment (7 hour car journey as a 10 yr old from Dublin to Tipperary with one cassette tape on repeat...Abba Gold...torture) there are plenty of well turned out adults , but also plenty of utter reprobates that crawled out of that era . It will be the same for this generation . What bugs me is the culture of lying in wait for parents to put a foot wrong . People these days seem to get some pathetic little thrill about highlighting a parents shortcinings.
In my book if I've got a tight hold on my kids and I'm dedicated every other hour of the flipping day then YES I'll forgive myself the sin of passing them a screen at a meal .
If somebody with kids a similar age thinks this is distasteful then they're free to never do the same . It's a mind your own business situation if you ask me.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/04/2017 09:15

It's a mind your own business situation if you ask me.

I sort of think it is the OP's business, given that she's out to dinner with them. It's pretty rude to the OP's kids, apart from anything else!

missdebaroo · 14/04/2017 09:18

But knows every toy that can come out of a kinder egg 😂😂😂

BeyondThePage · 14/04/2017 09:21

We went out for tea yesterday (I say tea instead of dinner as it was about 6ish - long day, was hungry) so did a bit of a "survey"...

17 tables. 5 were solely adults - 2 of those were older couples and sat mainly in silence. 3 were groups of 4 adults, chatting and on and off their phones.

The rest were families -
families with young kids (under 5 say) - 4 of them - one (only child) had a device of some sort - vtech? and was engrossed. The rest had breadsticks and colouring keeping them occupied.

families with mid-age (5 to 12ish - one with a teen too) - 5 of them - all had some sort of device - nintendo, tablet, phone) and were weirdly silent.
families with teens - 3 (including us) were all chatting away - one teen (next table) was attached to her phone, but told to put it away when food came. My DD16 used her phone once - to shazam a song on the "muzak" for us oldies! These new fangled devices have their uses! Grin

So from my pop-poll of 1 venue the issue seems to be with kids aged 5 to 12ish.

MsGameandWatch · 14/04/2017 09:45

I sort of think it is the OP's business, given that she's out to dinner with them. It's pretty rude to the OP's kids, apart from anything else!

The discussion has evolved into one discussing ALL children on screens at mealtimes. People keep reverting to the OP to justify their judgment. Leaving the OP aside, many posters have posted many reasons why screen use might be an acceptable, even necessary choice for them. With all that in mind and the development of the discussion, in general, is it anyone else's business? Nope.

pollymere · 14/04/2017 10:12

We used to occasionally let our dd play a game once she'd finished eating but otherwise she was and is expected to join in conversation. There were five kids there so they're not bored, just rude.

Bantanddec · 14/04/2017 10:17

Yanbu Peppa pig is a shit cartoon Grin

feelingblue123 · 14/04/2017 10:17

There is a no screens at the table rule in our house that extends to restaurants etc. Food time is family chat time.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/04/2017 10:25

MsGame, by that logic, why is anything that other people choose to do in public anyone else's business?

It's a shift in social norms to let children 'plug in' to screens at the dinner table. It's good to actually have a conversation about these things, I think.

Itaintme · 14/04/2017 10:30

It's not a conversation though.It's parents judging other people's parenting choices to make them feel superior about their own. It's the side of MN I hate.

hmcAsWas · 14/04/2017 10:32

Beyondthepage - your pop up poll shows that the problem (if indeed it is a problem - and I don't think it is) is mostly a 5-12 year old 'thing', and moreover it is a self limiting behaviour since the teenagers you observed were not glued to their screens but were chatting at the table.

This accords with my own experience where neither of my teens (just turned 13 and other nearly 15) uses screens when eating out (we all talk animatedly over a range of subjects) -but they often did so when younger

So I remain mystified why posters are getting so exercised about this

MsGameandWatch · 14/04/2017 10:38

It's a shift in social norms to let children 'plug in' to screens at the dinner table. It's good to actually have a conversation about these things, I think.

I didn't say it wasn't. I just pointed out that it had developed into a wider discussion and was no longer just about the OP's situation. Also given many of the contributions e.g. From parents of children with additional needs and single parents, not to mention the utterly knackered who have been interacting all the Live Long Day! perhaps sneery judgment isn't necessary and minding ones own business could be a way forward.

Wettingthetopbunkbed · 14/04/2017 10:42

Maybe they wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and decided that on this occasion this was the best way to achieve that outcome.
Yabu

Kpo58 · 14/04/2017 10:44

Proberly because it was rude to the other children?

What would you think if you invited someone else out to lunch only to find them staring at a mobile screen all meal and not talk to you?

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/04/2017 10:45

It's not a shift in social norms, as so many people have said, young children have been encouraged to read books, or colour in or otherwise occupy themselves since the beginning of children eating out, there's nothing different.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/04/2017 10:47

What would you think if you invited someone else out to lunch only to find them staring at a mobile screen all meal and not talk to you?

Exactly the same as if I'd invited them out and they insisted on discussing dogs and boats with their eight and three year olds.

Itaintme · 14/04/2017 10:49

What would you do if you invited someone out to lunch and they whined they were bored.Or they got restless and slid under the table or wanted to run around?

StrawberryMouse · 14/04/2017 10:52

I can't get worked up about this. I'd much rather see this than have a friend's small children bored in an adult environment and constantly interrupting the grown ups' conversation.

MsGameandWatch · 14/04/2017 10:59

Personally the iPad has opened up our world. I couldn't go for meals with my children or on holiday without it. I would never go to a hotel without wifi for example. "What did people do before!?" I hear you cry, well we just stayed at home. I could also argue that the wider use of screens has an impact on the local economy, in that parents who would usually say "no they'll never sit still/they're tired and grumpy and I haven't got the energy today to deal wth them, let's go home for lunch" can now say "we've got the iPad let's stop here for lunch". When I was with ex H, the only way he could take a family holiday was to be contactable all the time - own business, clients in different time zones. So to look at my family, Dad on screen, kids on screen, you'd think we are one of THOSE families.

Obviously everything in moderation and there are always exceptions but to always (as many have on here) dismiss the sight of a family on screens as lazy parenting is lazy and smug thinking in my opinion.

I studied children's literature as part of my degree. This screen argument always reminds me of the earnest discussions and huge social concern about young people reading too much and buying and obsessing over the terrible "Penny Dreadful" novellas during the 18th century. There was talk of trying to legislate Reading For Fun, whole movements against it as it was felt to interfere with children learning to work, develop good character and live decent hard working lives. They should be out adventuring and on boats apparently Grin

brasty · 14/04/2017 11:21

Am I the only one that thinks it is reasonable to actually include children in conversation? Not centre it around them, but involve them.