Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

[SilverLeafClover]

We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

From what I have read on this thread the problem is not kids on iPads....

Why do women think they can judge another mother/family? Why do you care enough to post a snidey comment about your "friend" OP?

You have two children, you may think that means you know the best way for everything, it doesn't. You would judge me in a restaurant. Yet you know nothing about me, my health, my life, how often I eat out or how often my DD has her iPad.

I've spent so much of my time as a mum worrying about what is right and nobody puts more pressure on me than myself to be the best mum. Somewhere along the line I realised that you need to put yourself first sometimes and think about your own sanity! Being a mother in this day and age is stressful - not helped by all of the judgemental women that surround us.

You don't know other people's situations. What they have gone through that day with their child. Or that week! Or that year! Who the hell gave you the authority to judge other parents?! Stop worrying about other people and focus on your own life.

My DD gets more love and attention and quality time from me than I ever thought it was possible to give! The quality of communication between us is extremely high given the troubled time we have had in the 3 short years she has been with us.

HOWEVER, if you saw us in a restaurant you would silently judge us for taking that hour, that once in a blue moon fecking hour to have a nice lunch. She gets bored waiting for food.... I could spend the whole time giving her the quality communication she has every bloody day - or as a one off I pass her the iPad and sip my god damn coke!!

Threads like these highlight that the problem is not the use of technology... It is the attitude of people today that they know best. You have not spent a day with my DD and you cannot tell me how to parent her.

I hope your friend finds this and realises she should get new friends....

Notice I'm not the only one who thinks calling out your "friends" parenting skills online is the issue you should be more concerned about.

I am 100% anti screen time for my DC. There has never been a time when I've even considered using one! My DC are 5 & will sit for a couple of hrs in a restaurant chatting, eating & colouring.

Maybe screen time is the new colouring. But I don't think so.

I've never used a screen to entertain them. I wouldn't know where to start.

Are you looking for a badge Agatha?

Think of all of the different personality types studied by Psychologists... You have TWO children. You cannot possibly think that makes you an expert on child behaviour.

Plenty children do sit like patient little angels but mine doesn't. She wants to explore and I want to eat my bloody lunch.

Are you looking for a badge Agatha?

Heh

I get more annoyed when I see it on train journeys etc look out the bloody window...chat to child.

Do you judge adults who don't look out the window on a train and chat about it? A train journey is just a way of getting from A to B. It's not an educational experience.

5 children here. The first 4 were angels at eating out. I was always very proud of their table manners and awareness of other diners.

The youngest? We cannot get him to sit still for more than 5 minutes. Never have been able to. We actually avoid any restaurants now if we can but on the rare occasions that we do eat out, I have happily given my son an iphone to play with.

And so what if it is the new colouring? times have changed from when we were younger! get over it!!

I missed that comment about train journeys treaclesoda.

These perfect parents must be exhausted what with the constant talking every hour of the day.

Does this apply to all train journeys including say Plymouth to Edinburgh which is about 10 hrs? Would screens be ok then for a short period, or must one talk annoyingly loudly about the scenery for the entire length of the journey, to avoid turning ones DC into a slack jawed zombie unable to function without an I-pad in their hands?

I get more annoyed when I see it on train journeys etc look out the bloody window...chat to child.

There is also the counter argument that we over stimulate our children. Where did this call for constant conversation and clubs and everything else come from?

Sometimes it is just nice to use that journey to take 5 minutes out.

Fair enough if conversation never takes place EVER but I highly doubt it. You shouldn't judge based on one event. Presumably they are in the restaurant or the train because they are taking their children out and not stuck indoors in front of the TV.

My dcs (13) grab their cousin's iPad and tell him it's rude to have a screen at the table and you are judging the child sitting quietly bothering no one and your little thug/bully whatever snatches his property off him? I would be so embarrassed if a child of mine behaved like that. He wouldn't be going out for a meal again for sometime.

Checkin thank you for illustrating my point. Your fifth child has a different personality. Too many people assume that their angelic children are like that because of their wonderful parenting, in actual fact that's only part of the story. Every child is different and people forget that.

Sassenach85, oh yes the humbling experience when you have child 2 or 3 or whatever and realise it isn't as easy as you have been telling everyone. My first never touched things, I had ornaments, books at toddler height. Friends would say my house wasn't childproof and it was exhausting trying to prevent their kids touching things, I thought I was so clever and they only had to treat their children like human beings and of course they would behave. Then I had my second, a living tornado who could wreck a room in the blink of an eye and cause chaos without seeming to even move. I soon learned my lesson.

Sassenach, You can say that again. If you met my 5 children, you would never know they were from the same family. Each one is so uniquely different. They have different levels of sensitivity for a start which determines how we approach things like discipline.

I actually think that this is where people fall short of parenting. By assuming that you can parent every child the same.

My dcs (13) grab their cousin's iPad and tell him it's rude to have a screen at the table

I missed that!

I have a relative who does this (and also whipped the dummy out of ds's mouth as a baby, saying, 'you don't need that ugly thing') we don't see much of them, as they are so unbelievably rude.

grannytomine I am constantly being advised by well meaning family members that nature should have provided DD to me AFTER having 1 or 2 other children so that I could have a sense of how it is to parent a more chilled out child! As it stands she came first and my hands are well and truly full.

Checkin - it's so refreshing to hear someone agree with me on that! People are too quick to declare their parenting trophy lol. It takes a lot of effort, planning, patience and consistency to get the best out of my DD. don't get me wrong she is a whirlwind of fun and intelligence and spark but very full on. Threads like these get my hackles up a bit. Who are we to judge other parents. Being a mum is bloody hard work sometimes.

If I'm being totally honest, and if I hadn't had my DD as she is, perhaps I would judge a little. My eyes have well and truly been opened however, kids are all different.

I dislike people like you OP.

My two (13 and 14) are now beautifully socialised, good company during meals out and do not use screens. This was not always thus - when they were younger I would happily let them use screens so that we could enjoy a meal without whingeing, fidgeting etc. I removed the screens when I deemed them to be at the age where they could be reasoned with and when they would actually enjoy participating in adult conversation.

As for this >> "At what age would you then remove the phones? And then how do you get the kids to behave if they are reliant on screens?" it all happened organically, and without sweating the small stuff.

It helps to unclench I find

Grannytomine my only (medical reasons .... yet another thing people judge me for as lazy if I don't explain that) is a tornado child. Well behaved, but sad and fidgity looking good if she has to be sat in an adult area for ages, so then i get judged for being too strict. Some have made smug comments about how I must spoil her when I raise a brow about going into a gift shop with her.

My general solution is to offer to get the coffees while perfect parent (as opposed to me scared to take ONE GIRL into the China emporium) minds her for 10 min. They generally say "wow she's tiring" then explain that she was good/obedient but very fast and strong the sexist ones say more like a boy.
Probably just as well I can have only 1!

Peppa on an ipad would work. Thankfully sticker books do and they coat £1 from poundland so much less than an ipad. I'm sure someone would judge me for my tacky off brand princess tat but it keeps her happy while I grab a bite. I also chat but then she says loudly "Yoo eating wiv yor MOUF OPEN mme. .yuk!" Judged by my own child lol.
As I said, she's very obedient but you can see her concentration and "buzz" if shes not occupied so I'm stressed, she's sad etc.

Sassenach85 and squizita if its any comfort my real life little tornado turned into the most laid back adult you could ever meet. People often comment that if he was anymore laid back he would be horizontal. His little boy is just like him and he often asks me how I coped but at least I had already had one child so I think that is easier than if the tornado comes first.

My granny used to say children shouldn't be sitting quietly with clean clothes on but should be running round and dirty. I think she had a point, if you can't do it when you are young when can you?

I'm on holiday with my kids at present - single parent.

Today's topics of convo have been:-

Look at that dog mum! What kind of dog is that? Can I stroke it? Can I? x50
Mum why would anyone call their kids these names? Dennis, Colin, Peter, Susan
Look at this shirt, doll, apron, dish, plastic tat, sunglasses, car, cake, sandals etc etc etc
Is that a cruise ship Mum, what company is that ship from? How many people are that ship Mum? Do you think anyone ever misses getting back for the cruise ship Mum?
Is there Lego here? Can we look as for lego?

Do you prefer the sea or a pool for swimming Mum?
Do you like taxis or buses or trains best Mum? I like trains because...

And that's just a tiny percentage of what we spoke about. I couldn't get the iPads out the bag quick enough when we sat down for lunch so I could sip in peace the one glass of cava I allow myself a day on this holiday.

Take your judgment and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

Hi - to each his own I think. YABU to judge even if you don't agree with it - they are not your kids, let their parents raise them how they want. If they were my kids though - I wouldn't do that. My best friend does this with her son - I let her get on with it.

I've never used a screen to entertain them. I wouldn't know where to start.

You'll pick it up in a jiffy, trust me

The day I discovered that peppa on YouTube would keep DS still and quiet was a great one. Would there be judgement about using it in a doctors appintment / serious situation? I've used it in restaurants , hospitals etc , you can't win.

Children playing on tablets and the parents phone while at a restaurant annoys me too. And the parents wonder why the children won't eat their meal!

It's lazy parenting. My DH and I were in a Sainsbury's cafe ( so yes, a casual environment) and this woman was busy on her phone while her daughter aged 6 would jump on the booth seat, then run around with a sticky tape role in her hand, putting sticking tape everywhere. When the mother got off the phone, occasionally you would see a fork stick out of the side of the booth to her daughter ( instead of making her daughter sit down first!) and the mother was saying please, please, please in a simpering voice as if it was the child who was the adult and the one in charge! We couldn't believe what bad parenting we were experiencing. It's pretty obvious this child has been taught to treat meal times as playtime the same way kids with the tablets and phones do.

As for the poor excuse, I need my child to have a tablet/phone/colouring book at the dinner table as it's the only way they will keep quite and not be bored. What rubbish! What you should have done is separated playtime and meal time in the first place and taught your kids some table manners. You know like parents did before everyone was glued to their phones and before the internet.

What's even more annoying is the parents that allow their kids to run around eateries like ferals while the dopey parents are oblivious and occasionally call out from the chair ( too lazy to get off their backsides) calling the kid. They have absolutely no respect for the other dinners. And then there is the loud mouth mothers. The partner and kids could be quiet as anything but the mother is desperate for all attention in the room to be drawn to her and for them all to know she is a parent. How special!

Good point about doctor's surgery or hospitals. I was sitting waiting to go into an appointment earlier today. Feeling a bit tense and had to listen to performance parenting and a noisy 4 year old, I guess she was about 4. I could have done without it to be honest and I like kids. Listening to her shrieking when I came out and trying to make an appointment after just getting a diagnosis of skin cancer I wish her mother had let her watch PP.+

Sorry to hear that grannytomine