Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

[SilverLeafClover]

We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

YANBU

It's your opinion and I agree with it. If having an opinion means you are judging, so be it. If nobody had opinions there would be no MN.

TheRealPoo

Exactly. Nothing worse than judgement. Lazy parenting is acceptable. Judging is not.

So is anyone who is accusing the op of being judgy going to admit to completely ignoring their kids (ie not saying a single word to them) for an entire meal out?

Depends. If he's in the middle of a meltdown then yes I generally do ignore him. But by then I've usually left the establishment / took him outside to calm down. (SNs). During a meal? No.

Once took my Dad out for a meal it was a 'congratulations you survived your heart attack type meal'. Drilled it into my two DCs to behave and they did. As we went up to the carvery. Two parents on the phones each. Both ignoring each other and their very bored children besides them.

Ooh i love a bit of screen time for DD4 if I'm out for a coffee with other adults. But i wouldn't if her sisters or other children her age were there. She'd want to yabba their ears of anyway i expect

I went to that restaurant pre-DC, the breakfast was rubbish!

I'd definitely have judged them before I had my third child, who is feral. However I wouldn't take her into a restaurant, so probably a moot point

Infact i think i find the lack of beans with a cooked breakfast more upsetting then children on screens!

If your dcs can't behave at the table, don't take them out. My dcs (8 to 17) went through a phase of behaving badly in restaurants (bickering, talking loudly, even play fighting). We stopped taking them for about a year and explained why. Apart from not being enjoyable for us, that behaviour isn't fair to other diners.I bet they would have behaved just fine if we'd let them play on their phones but there's no way that was happening. To me the point of going out to eat as a family is to spend some quality time together and that's true whether your dc is 3 or 13.

AllllGooone

"But I don't ignore my children and I don't give them unlimited screen time in a restaurant. I talk to them."

No you point out boats for them in that very special loud way a certain kind of parent does when they could have been enjoying themselves like the other couple were doing.

I never get to go out because I can't afford a babysitter, it never occurred to me to just bring them and take the phone- good idea!

I do hope this gets picked up by the dm so your friends know what you think of them

But thats such a strange thing to say Best you have no idea what other peoples circs are, we also had to stop going out - we eat together all the blimin time at home! Once in a blue moon esp in winter I need to get out and be around people, if putting my youngest on a tablet to let me feel human again then thats what I shall do and I hope no one sends a judging look my way, its really nasty behaviour.

I cant understand what some posters brains cant cope with the idea that its just a few hours in a restaurant...and that the parents may be far more involved and be actually raising dc with better table manners and convo than your own!

Well I guess they have a massive head start in that their parents dont make others feel uncomfortable or feel morally superior over odd modern distraction use in a restaurant!

Ferdinand

You really think unlimited screen time at a restaurant for children is better than parents talking to them about the things happening around and about?

I am baffled by that.

But you can only literally slam the abusive label - "lazy parenting" on someone if you literally watch them 24 hours for years on end.

Your seeing a teeny tiny snap shot of other peoples lives and your little limited brain cant understand that.

That's a bit different AwayWithTePixies I don't know any parent who would think it was acceptable to completely ignore their kids for an outing of 2-3 hrs - and I'm including friends who allow screens at the table in that. I find the number of people defending it on here quite shocking.

I am baffled by the importance to a child development that you are attaching to a few hours in a restaurant.

At the end of the day - there is a saying " all advice is self advice" I wonder if there are aspect of your own parenting you feel are below parr and your justifying this to yourself by judging your friends on a two/ three hour lunch .

You know this site is supposed to be helpful to other parents and I think your thread is making all kinds of people feel shit right now, single parents, parents with dc with no obvious SN, parents like me, who are sahms, and really don't get out much at all with very busy moving DC.

Best, is that forever, the 'can't behave' thing? Those who will never manage it never get to eat out.

You really think unlimited screen time at a restaurant for children is better than parents talking to them about the things happening around and about?

That really depends. If the family are chatting quietly amongst themselves, great. If the parents are loudly saying 'can you read the menu darling? Yes, that's right, it's aahhhvocahhhdo. Do you know where avocadoes grow? That's right! They grow on trees! Do they grow in a hot country or z cold country?' etc etc so that everyone else in the restaurant can admire their superior parenting, then that's pretty selfish.

I think the context is key here. Out for lunch in a local caff? No way should the phones come straight out. At a special restaurant, on holiday, with other adults? I might do it to guarantee good behaviour & not piss off other diners.

Maybe we should ask the op what the parents are usually like then because I can't see normal, loving and responsive parents failing to even acknowledge their kids during a 3 hr meal.

Why is colouring in or doing a puzzle better than a screen? I am old enough to remember when places first started giving out crayons and pictures to colour in. People were just as outraged as they are now about screens. Nothing really changes.

Op. I think this is really sad. Two families (I'm presuming that the dc all know each other?). As soon as you sat down, the dc weren't given the chance to chat or interact with each other because they were sat down with peppa pig. Their parents didn't chat to them and presumably screen time in restaurants is normal to them so the dc didn't think to look elsewhere for their entertainment. how are the dc meant to learn how to behave if they are never allowed to practise. What gets me the most is that it was screen time straight away, not Part way through when they had got bored and needed distraction/to calm down (which is when imo screen time would be acceptable).

best I have no clue how long it will be before ds can 'behave at a table' sometimes he manages, sometimes he doesn't - it can depend on how tired he is, the acoustics of the restaurant, whether the person behind us has really strong perfume on, or a loud laugh and many other (usually) unpredictable things. That doesn't mean we are going to leave him at home every time we want to go out as a family with his sisters. The iPad is a good tool to have in our kit (along with ear defenders, a sticker book, a pen and notepaper and a pot of nutella and breadsticks).

Today he was exhausted, but his sister deserved a treat and I knew he would be happy to have dough balls and watch his iPad, while dd1 and I had our lunch.

Why weren't your friends children talking to yours during the meal?

Meals out are for sharing and bonding with others and teaching them how to act in company. If you are on your phone, you might as well be at home on your own.

I would have judged too.

treaclesoda, oh yes I have sat in a restaurant listening to that sort of mummy. I could have happily strangled her by the end of the evening and felt every sympathy for her poor child who look bored and more zoned out than any child looking at a screen.

Today he was exhausted, but his sister deserved a treat and I knew he would be happy to have dough balls and watch his iPad, while dd1 and I had our lunch.

I get you hazeyjane. DD often deserves a treat too. I don't plan on never teaking the DCs out ever on the off chance DS might have a meltdown. He already impacts (for want of a better word) on her. Todays was as we were leaving DDs hospital appointment and she rolled her eyes at it happening again. I'm just glad he waited until DD had had her procedure done.

If giving him a phone for ten minutes whilst we're waiting for dinner because she deserves a treat too. Then Meh.