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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

740 replies

SilverLeafClover · 12/04/2017 11:01

We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

OP posts:
melj1213 · 12/04/2017 19:33

So is anyone who is accusing the op of being judgy going to admit to completely ignoring their kids (ie not saying a single word to them) for an entire meal out?

I've not quite gone to the "never speaking to my DD throughout a whole meal" but I've got close ... back when I was living abroad I used to come back to the UK for short breaks and I would always try to catch up with people while we were both in the same country.

One particular visit a friend was living in the city we were flying into so she offered to come pick us up from the airport, go for dinner and then drop us at the hotel I had booked (so we could break the travel up a bit before we went to my hometown for the main holiday).

Obviously this meant that DD (who was 6 at the time) had to come with us for dinner, she knows my friend and they got on well enough, but by the time we had got out of the airport, to the car and driven to the restaurant my friend had exhausted her list of questions for my DD about the flight/school/hobbies/friends/things she wanted to do on the trip etcetc ... and I wanted to be able to catch up with my friend too, which was the kind of conversation that would have gone right over my DDs head.

So rather than have her sat there bored rigid just listening to conversation that she couldn't participate in - or only having a conversation that a 6 year old could participate in - when we sat down I handed her my phone so she could play some games or watch some Youtube videos and then other than helping her with the menu (she's bilingual but obviously her Spanish was stronger than her English when we still lived there), finding out her order and a bit of chat about if the food was okay when it arrived I left her to it. DD was happily entertained for the couple of hours we were in the restaurant; my friend and I got to have some adult conversation and we all got to enjoy our meal ... how is that a bad thing?

theaveragewife · 12/04/2017 19:35

Sometimes we take screens for the children, sometimes we don't.

If we do it's usually because we have something to talk about/have played all week at home with the children and need some adult conversation/want to talk to our friends/the children are overtired and need to chill out, and it's nice for them to make their own choices over what they want to watch/play with when we have bundled them along on a meal.

Often we don't so that we can build those important conversational skills and family bonds, but there's no way in hell I would judge someone who has brought along the electronic babysitters!

Fucking hell, parenting is tough! Sometimes it's nice to remember what life was like before them and enjoy chatting to actual adults. Where is judging going to get you other than friendless and bitter?

lottachocca · 12/04/2017 19:35

Sometimes I have let my dcs on their phones when meeting up with friends I haven't seen in a long time.
Sometimes I have let my dcs on their phones on holiday if we have spent every minute of the day with them.
Mostly we don't have phones while we eat. We always eat at the table with our dcs, absolutely no phones, no radio, no tv at home - just chat.
So yep - I think you are being unreasonable because you don't know what they normally do - and what people normally do is the thing that makes the difference.

TheRealPooTroll · 12/04/2017 19:40

A bit odd that your friend only spoke to your dd on the journey to the restaurant and not you. What would be wrong with people chatting to who they want on the way and in the restaurant? It seems that people do this (shutting their kids up with screens) when the child is a bit of a spare part and I wonder how that must feel for the child. If you want an adult only meal then get a sitter. Would you have handed your friend something to occupy them for the duration of the meal while you chatted to your dd about stuff that wouldn't concern them? And if not then why not?

Boooooom · 12/04/2017 19:41

Pre children I thought 'there is no way my kids are gona be sat there watching a show' but now with a three year old it has been known for us to whip out a phone so we can eat our meal with a level of peace...
I wouldn't want to be judged for doing it either

user1492021396 · 12/04/2017 19:42

How do you know they are NT did you ask their parents?

Batgirlspants · 12/04/2017 19:49

People posting about 2 year olds ffs. The op said the kids were 4 and 6 and spent the meal staring at a silent screen.

Sorry that's just wierd.

SeekingTheLight · 12/04/2017 19:49

Why do you care? It wasn't your children.

And to the comment regarding culture. I live in Athens, kids are given tablets and phones here, many restaurants hand out crayons and paper for kids... We aren't all happily tucking into meze!!

Ffs there are bigger issues. I'll do what I have to do go enjoy some adult talk and drink a glass of wine or two.

Get over yourself OP.

oblada · 12/04/2017 19:57

It's funny to see all the offended posts about the fact that the OP judged her friend for sitting her kids in front of screens for the whole meal. Because "judging is wrong and this is a snapshot of their lives". Whilst I don't fundamentally disagree with that let's be a bit honest here: we all judge others on a regular basis and often (if not all the time) without knowing the full facts/circs of everyone involved. That's just what we do. And MN would be very boring if we didn't... :) so stop judging the OP for judging :)
to me lazy parenting is to NOT use screens at restaurants or generally give my phones to my kids as it becomes a vicious circle.

Bibs2014 · 12/04/2017 19:59

YADNBU

mainlywingingit · 12/04/2017 20:06

The thing is Silver- we all judge different things. I've never ever put my child on Facebook as I believe he can choose whether he wants to be on fbook in the future.

It's horses for courses. Maybe they are anal about something like that but not with some screen time in a restaurant.

DeleteOrDecay · 12/04/2017 20:15

Meh, my 4yo has her tablet when we go out for a meal sometimes, sometimes she doesn't want it and will do some colouring instead. Either way the activity gets taken away when food arrives. I couldn't get worked up over other parents essentially doing the same thing.

Bestthingever · 12/04/2017 20:17

I think that's fair enough Hazey in your situation. My dc3 definitely got a lot more screen time and sweets than her older brothers!

Raaaaaah · 12/04/2017 20:18

If I go out with friends and our children I would spend most of my time talking to my friends. I spend all my life listening to my kids chat (which is a mixture of pure joy and pure tedium) and frankly a little adult convo is like nectar. I wouldn't completely ignore them but the kids wouldn't have the lions share of my attention.

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 12/04/2017 20:19

Not your child and therefore non of your business really.

Sunbeam18 · 12/04/2017 20:53

Why do you care what someone else does with their kids?

holidaychocs · 12/04/2017 21:41

I would rather see kids on iPads than being sat at a table with grown ups and being ignored. I've lost count of the times I say to my family 'why can't the adults include their kids in conversation?'. It's definitely more than I've ever commented on loud iPads.

BeingMePls · 12/04/2017 21:46

I'm with you OP. I hate it. How does that teach children to behave at the dinner table? I'm sorry, I'd be judgey judge too. Devices have no place at the table.

maddiemookins16mum · 12/04/2017 21:46

OK, serious question here. I'm 52, have a 13 yr old DD. NEVER took phones, iPads out to dinner. The occasional thing provided at the place, but honest to god, I never thought when popping out for a dinner in our local pub for tea that I'd pack books, toys etc. What has happened in the last 40 years. Some will say, we never took our kids out, I disagree.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2017 22:00

I'm in the camp of yabu.
I interact with my dc all the time, I'm a sahm, and we do shit loads of stuff.
One of my favourite things in the world to do, is to go to a nice restaurant, eat nice food, drink nice wine and have an adult conversation with my friends.
I don't want to talk to a 4 year old about boats.
My dc as it happens like to colour/do puzzles, but if iPad works then that's fine too.
If I was your friend in this scenario I would have been suggesting to my dh on the way home that we only do adults only dates with you, as adult conversation n interrupted by inane drivel about dog types wouldn't have been my idea of a fun meal out.

abcBears · 12/04/2017 22:11

maddiemookins16mum that's just you, my grand-mother was the first one to advise me on how to entertain kids and keep them quiet. Bringing things to shut them up is not a new concept, just a parental choice.

I have friends living in smaller towns where the kids are just going to entertain themselves outside when the adults have diner. It wouldn't really work in London.

I really struggle the judgement against parents who are keeping their kids quiet so you are not bothered by them. You should be grateful, or at least neutral. "It's terrible, the kids are too still and not disturbing enough". Really?!

Where do you stand on the use of tablets in a plane? Still think it's lazy parenting and kids should be free to express themselves there kicking your seat, screaming and throwing biscuits on your head?

Original poster
SilverLeafClover · 12/04/2017 22:14

I am not sure why you assume our conversation was inane.

My vision of lunch is various conversations, some more appropriate for children (dog breeds) and some more for adults.

Seems a binary world you live in.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 12/04/2017 22:22

I agree. In restaurants back "in the day".....I'm pretty sure my parents just talked to each other too (and us). It wasn't all about "the children" being entertained/amused for 90 minutes. I'm pretty sure I sat in many a Berni Inn watching that Sweet Trolley going past at 7 years old without my parents having to talk to me the whole time. I would love to see a show on TV, one of those "Back in time for dinner".... where these young mums in their 20/30's took their kids to a restaurant "dating" back 40 years.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2017 22:29

Not at all. There's a time and a place for family interactivity (for me that's a beach, a walk, a theme park etc), and a time and a place for adult chat (for me that's a nice restaurant).
Im surprised they didn't chat to their dc at all however, how did they know what they wanted for example?
As an aside, a friend of mine does not let her dc have screens at all, unless they're in a restaurant so she can have some adult chat, and as a result they cling to their only screen time!

TheRealPooTroll · 12/04/2017 22:31

Why do people take their kids to restaurants if they insist on adult only conversation. Why not get a babysitter?