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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

740 replies

SilverLeafClover · 12/04/2017 11:01

We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

OP posts:
Buscake · 12/04/2017 16:34

Two of my kids have autism. Going out for a meal is incredibly stressful for them - uncertainty as to what they will eat, when they will eat, noisy environment etc. I'm curious as to how you knew these children didn't have asd or any other neurodevelopmental disorder? I know that from the outside mine look neurotypical - that's why judgemental members of the public like you are often so keen to comment on my parenting. Your posts come off as insufferably smug. Well done on being so perfect Hmm

Chippednailvarnishing · 12/04/2017 16:37

I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea

Just like Maui.

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 16:41

@abcBears, obviously your idea of a restaurant is different to mine. When I say I took my kids to restaurants, I'm talking about Wetherspoons, Hungry Horse, Brewers Fayre, McDonalds, that sort of thing. It's good to take children to places like that from a very young age, as they learn how to look at menus, choose what they want and then sit nicely and wait for it. Going out for a meal as a family should be a treat, so I'm not sure why people are sneering about that.

I'm guessing that most of the people talking about "restaurants" on this thread are talking about something far different 😳. I've never actually been to the sort of restaurant I wouldn't take the kids. We've never had the money.

I've just had a look at the menu for Fifteen, and for the cost of one three course lunch, I could feed all four of us with drinks in Wetherspoons. I'm not a chav either (I don't think 😉), just on a low income. I'd rather be able to go out for tea more often, rather than save for 3 months for one meal.

caroline161 · 12/04/2017 16:42

My son suffered with anxiety and would struggle to eat out as he often felt sick. We were advised to take an ipad to distract him as he worked through his issues. I said to the paediatrician that I thought our friends who we ate out with would judge us and him. The paediatrician replied that those people were not our friends and we should only go out with people who we knew would support us. So that's what we did. Don't be those people. Some people are struggling with things you know absolutely nothing about.

Bestthingever · 12/04/2017 16:43

Spikey if you're referring to my comment, this is why we only went to relaxed places which were aimed at young families (we were living abroad so you wouldn't know the chains I'm thinking of) where there were plenty of other parents doing the same.
As a parent, I think it's not a good lesson for children. However perhaps as a diner, I'd prefer kids on iPads to my experience at Prezzo last week. At 7pm on Sunday night, a party consisting of three couples and four or five young children arrived and sat at the table next to us. The children were allowed to scream and shout and run around the restaurant while the grown ups talked and ignored them. I'm honestly not exaggerating. We couldn't wait to leave and it did spoil our meal. I guess I would have preferred Peppa Pig on a tablet to that.

MCamp10 · 12/04/2017 16:43

Astonished that nobody seems to have mentioned the very sad and important point you made about the parents not speaking to their children. No wonder they are glued to their screens if they don't feel valued enough to be spoken to. Children learn interaction and social skills from parents - so sad!

sirfredfredgeorge · 12/04/2017 16:45

Going out for a meal as a family should be a treat

No, it can be a treat, that doesn't mean it has to be, people, including children are individuals, they like different things, for a child the things that making eating out pleasurable for adults aren't really there (not having to cook, conversations with other adults, socially acceptable alcoholic consumption etc.) so whilst I do agree that it's a good idea to take them out, not least because there's no reason to deny yourself. It doesn't mean it necessarily is a treat for the child.

Batgirlspants · 12/04/2017 16:48

I see parents pushing push chairs with ear plugs in all the time and I judge them. Ffs talk to your kids. I agree op I hate to see kids on their tablets and parents on their phones around a family meal. It's fucking rude and dismissive.

Again 4 and 6 are old enough to be really fun to take out and chat too.

Why the fuck would you have peppa pig cartoons on when the view is a beach and boats. Why bother taking them.

Batgirlspants · 12/04/2017 16:51

If going out for a meal, choosing their favourite food and having mum and dads attention isn't a treat well what the fuck is? I can see a very adult restaurant and slow service might be a trial but you pick child friendly places and crack on.

If it's not a treat I think the child must be pretty spoilt to be honest.

Lottapianos · 12/04/2017 16:56

'Astonished that nobody seems to have mentioned the very sad and important point you made about the parents not speaking to their children. '

I did, and i described it as sad too. It really is sad that two kids were expected to shut up and amuse themselves during what could have been a lovely afternoon for everyone.

And as for all the sneering about the boats and surfers, i think the OP's point was that there was lots to discuss and chat about without being plugged into Peppa Pig, not that she thought her kids would be entranced by seeing a boat

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 17:00

@sirfredfredgeorge when I said it should be a treat, I meant that if it isn't, why would you bother wasting time and money? If your kids don't enjoy it, what's the point?

witsender · 12/04/2017 17:01

Mine genuinely do love going out. We sit and chat somewhere different, they get food not cooked by mum or dad, they get to choose what they have instead of what is on offer etc.

OffRoader · 12/04/2017 17:05

Had a good laugh reading this thread!

I used to judge parents who did this, especially when I only had my abnormally well behaved pfb DD, who would sit like an angel eating her food and making no fuss...

Then 2 years later out bounced DS Grin

Nowadays with a 2 & 4yo we don't routinely dish out the screens unless they are being particularly annoying, but sometimes you just need a break! I don't always want to colour, sing songs or talk about what happened at nursery, I just want to eat my meal in peace while chatting to DH. It doesn't mean I don't speak to them.

And if you never give your small children screens in restaurants then more fool you, you're missing a trick Wink

sirfredfredgeorge · 12/04/2017 17:05

KitKats28 I guess because it's still can be a treat for others in the group, and sometimes kids (like adults) do need to suck it up for the team and do something they don't enjoy. And of course quietly occupying yourself so as not to disturb the others is a good thing to do, maybe silently watch a video?

plutohasfeelingstoo · 12/04/2017 17:19

Exactly what offroader said

OffRoader · 12/04/2017 17:30

You're right it's parenting...lazy parenting.

But what's wrong with occasional laziness? Can you honestly say your parenting is at 100% 24/7? I doubt it.

cansu · 12/04/2017 17:32

find something else to worry about.

treaclesoda · 12/04/2017 17:52

Yes this parenting....lazy parenting. Instead of teaching a child who's boss and to listen to authority (which prepares the from school) vs getting constant attention.

My children behave very well at school thanks, and they know who is boss. But the reason I let them crack on with colouring pencils or a phone or whatever is exactly because they need to know that they can't have the constant attention of everyone around them.

WankingMonkey · 12/04/2017 17:54

I would (and do sometimes) allow this. not when food is served obviously but when waiting. Use headphones though as I hate hearing other peoples iphones and such so I wouldn't inflict it on others Grin

My kids usually sit patiently and talk to use and that but sometimes they are just in that mood and its best all round if we calm them or else the whole place would be hearing nonestop whinging and wailing

WankingMonkey · 12/04/2017 17:55

Just like Maui. Grin

Beardsareweird · 12/04/2017 17:59

I agree with you, OP. Giving a child a colouring book or similar activity is not the same as having a child staring at a screen. At least when colouring, the child is developing fine motor skills or whatever. However, watching a screen is doing nothing more that developing the ability to gawp brainlessly.

treaclesoda · 12/04/2017 18:03

My five year old thinks it's a punishment to go out to eat, he hates it.

So don't do it then.

It was me who posted that earlier today about him hating eating out. We don't eat out very often with him but sometimes it's unavoidable. If we're far from home for example, or travelling on a long journey. Or when we go on holidays.

And also, if we never take him anywhere, how is he ever going to learn. There is no winning, no matter what we do will be wrong in someone's eyes.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/04/2017 18:30

You're right it's parenting...lazy parenting.

No. It's just parenting done differently to how you'd do it. Personally I'm too busy getting my own house in order (and making sure DS doesn't make a break for freedom the minute he spies an opportunity) to be passing judgement on some random family for letting the kids use a phone whilst out.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/04/2017 18:34

Exactly treaclesoda. You just know the ones passing judgement on it would be the same ones to pass judgement on an kid getting up and down / having a meltdown/ generally unsettled.

so don't do it then

Perfect advice. Why has no one thought of that before? How is one supposed to help a child develop social skills and how to behave in public (phone or no phone) if they're never put in that environment TO learn how to, for the next 18yrs.

TheRealPooTroll · 12/04/2017 18:36

So is anyone who is accusing the op of being judgy going to admit to completely ignoring their kids (ie not saying a single word to them) for an entire meal out? I know no-one in real life who would think that was ok but for some reason on MN you daren't judge - unless someone puts a tacky headband on a child or something REALLY awful like that Hmm