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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confuso · 14/04/2017 17:58

And yes Skerry, he does all the "finding out" stuff at reception.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confuso · 14/04/2017 17:59

I'm not bothered if he helps me unpack though, he only gets in the way.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 18:00

There was some recent research that found that girls who see their fathers doing housework consider a wider range of career options. Those who only see their mothers do it tend to only consider traditional 'female' jobs like teacher and nurse.

Original poster
Confuso · 14/04/2017 18:04

Hmmm. Well I wouldn't say he does nothing. He gets involved with the DC -he's got them all downstairs now while I'm getting ready.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 14/04/2017 18:51

"You are not weird, loads of people pack for their DH and kids."

What do the DHs say at the airport when asked whether they packed their bags themselves? Do these wives pack for their DHs when they go somewhere on their own so the DH is on a business trip wondering what's in his case?

Gwenhwyfar · 14/04/2017 18:53

"What's the fuck has it got to do with her?"

Maybe she's concerned about her friend being treated like a skivvy? She might not know that OP's DH does a lot of other stuff.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 14/04/2017 19:32

I pack the suitcases for me and DH and the kids, usually as we do not have separate suitcases.

I would probably do the laundry stuff to, sorting out was needs to be washed and ironed to take away.

But then DH does 90% of the cooking, indeed when he is away with work, and I have to cook, the children actually feel sorry for me having to cook.

He also, due to working from home most of the time, takes the kids to school more than me, so does most of the lunchbox stuff, sorting of uniforms etc.

He also does the weekly shop and food planning etc.

It is a partnership - so I do certain stuff the majority of the time, etc laundry, general housework, he does other stuff the majority of the time, example cooking, uniforms, shopping etc.

It all pretty much balances out. And is quite frankly nobody else's business if they happened to be there and saw me doing something while DH was watching TV, or other way round, like for example, right now I am on here and DH is in the kitchen sorting dinner.

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 19:34

I would never let another adult pack my bags. That is quite weird.

Bluntness100 · 14/04/2017 19:44

Op, honestly, I'd say if it makes you happy to iron and pack his clothes then this is your thing and that's fine. It's not for every woman, myself included, who view more as being a wife as an equal partner. You may also view yourself as an equal partner but your equality is you ironing his clothes on holiday if he earned the money and paid for the vacation. Accept many women won't feel the same way. But If your happy then that's really all that matters. Get the ironing board out and get happy.

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 19:48

I would never let another adult pack my bags. That is quite weird.

Do you ever let another adult do anything for you?

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 19:49

Do you ever let another adult do anything for you?

No, not really.

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 19:50

bluntness It's not for every woman, myself included, who view more as being a wife as an equal partner.

What a thinly veiled insult.
You don't get it do you.

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 19:56

*Do you ever let another adult do anything for you?

No, not really.*

Do you have a partner?

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 19:58

Do you have a partner?

I have a boyfriend.

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 19:59

And he does nothing for you?

Bluntness100 · 14/04/2017 20:00

What a thinly veiled insult. You don't get it do you

Hand on heart no I don't. But if it makes the op or others happy, fair play to them. It's not an insult, it's simply not a way of life i comprehend or wish to live.

And to contextualise, I've been with my husband happily for 27 years.we are equals, who do stuff for each other, but not one of us sees it as their responsibility to iron the others clothes on holiday. No changing that.

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 20:01

Not really. I'm an adult and can look after myself, as can he.

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 20:02

but not one of us sees it as their responsibility to iron the others clothes on holiday. No changing that.

No one is suggesting it is a "responsibility".

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 20:04

Not really. I'm an adult and can look after myself, as can he.

Good for you.

Not much of a relationship then.

JacquesHammer · 14/04/2017 20:07

Not really. I'm an adult and can look after myself, as can he

Wow. So you wouldn't ask him to pick up some tampons whilst he was at the shop for example?

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 20:08

Not much of a relationship then.

Why do you say that?

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 20:09

Wow. So you wouldn't ask him to pick up some tampons whilst he was at the shop for example?

Maybe, if that was ever necessary.

Any other random examples?

JacquesHammer · 14/04/2017 20:11

Any other random examples

Nono just trying to work out your definition of "adult" as it really isn't clear from your posts.

TheStoic · 14/04/2017 20:13

Nono just trying to work out your definition of "adult" as it really isn't clear from your posts.

It's just the standard definition.

JacquesHammer · 14/04/2017 20:19

It's just the standard definition

we seem to have very differing standards