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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 13/04/2017 23:22

I pack for myself and the three kids (all under 10). I would never pack for my husband as I don't know what he wants to take! I also then can't get blamed for forgetting something 'essential' if he does his own packing.

Once the kids are a bit older I will probably arm them with lists to gather their own belongings to go into the suitcase.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2017 23:50

What I don't get to choose where I fly in business though. So that's a rather pointless argument Hmm not everyone flying is going on holiday. Plus they don't really fly from my ultra close and convenient airport. So it's not just a case of where they fly to, but where they fly from.

BadLad · 14/04/2017 00:04

I only opened this thread because I thought you were throwing out your entire family.

Klaphat · 14/04/2017 03:48

Plus they don't really fly from my ultra close and convenient airport. So it's not just a case of where they fly to, but where they fly from.

Same. I might use them for London or Italy sometime in the future since they seem to have very cheap flights there from here, but otherwise the choices seem to be Edinburgh, Belgium or Lithuania. Not really on the priority list for me.

Also I am very much cool with the hand luggage only, turn up, get where I'm going, no frills kind of travel. I have done it many, many, many times over the last ten years, mostly with Easyjet. When I flew with Ryanair I felt very claustrophobic, got pain in my knees and cramp in my legs - and I'm not even tall! But maybe they've magically spaced their seats further out now. Doubt it, though. But as said, it's irrelevant since they barely fly anywhere from here.

user1491572121 · 14/04/2017 04:05

My 12 year old packs her own things. She wouldn't want me to do it...she likes being in charge. I do check things in a way as I will ask "Did you remember a jumper and swimming things?

MardAsSnails · 14/04/2017 04:21

He sorts his clothes, shoes and toiletries, I grab some pants and socks out of his drawer, and I pack them.

In the meantime he goes and gets currency, stocks up on dog food if the sitter is staying here or takes them to where they're staying.

Swings and roundabouts innit.

LittleLionMansMummy · 14/04/2017 04:29

What BadLad said.

But seeing as I'm here, no I don't pack for dh. I do pack for our dc though (6yo and 5mo). I don't iron either mind - it's a job we both hate so it gets 'outsourced' for a small price.

Paninotogo · 14/04/2017 06:15

I would never pack for a grown man. My DH had a mother who did his packing because she was downtrodden like you OP. I cured that after a cold weekend of Brtish camping when my DH had nothing warm to wear, because I sure as well didn't pack for him.

MrsSparkles · 14/04/2017 06:24

I pack for everyone as we now mix our clothes up into cases - rather than 1 each - after my case got lost once. I figure this reduces the chances of one ofus ending up with no clothes.

Dh would love it if I packed for his business trips but funnily enough I never seem to do it right when he asks.....

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 06:26

I would never pack for a grown man. My DH had a mother who did his packing because she was downtrodden like you OP. I

How presumptive and rude.

I pack for my OH and I am certainly not downtrodden.
My OH did not have a mother, grew up in boarding school, lived alone until the age of 35 and has no expectations of having anyone do anything for him.

I like packing.
OH has little time.
He has little interest in clothes.
We are a team.
What time he does have before a holiday he will use to download books ( for me too), movies, make sure all our gadgets are charged, have adapters, earphones etc. That's an area I have little interest in.

I do all the laundry in the house too- does that make me a surrendered downtrodden wife?

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 14/04/2017 06:36

I thought I'd posted this, but DM texted me yesterday that she was packing for DS1 26, who lives with her, to go into hospital. He's very ill at the moment, so can't manage to pack for himself, but he told her what he wanted to take, as he has a very strong sense of style. He is quite happy to let her bring extra clothes in, as he only buys clothes if he loves them, so she can't get it wrong. Grin

user1471558436 · 14/04/2017 06:56

Going crazy at home comment - it says more about her then you. Maybe she was trying to talk herself into going back to work, maybe she was actually going crazy at home or maybe she really wants to stay at home but can't.

Original poster
Confuso · 14/04/2017 07:06

Only just saw the thread is still going - sorry.

Skerry - well said btw. My DH also grew up in boarding school so maybe there was something in the water? Grin

He does exactly the same as yours - chargers, wires and devices. Passports and car parking too, plus driving, navigation, getting cash out, carrying everything - and most importantly, playing with the DC so I can check MN Grin
He's just back from his run with a cappuccino for me so it's not all bad.

He hasn't commented on the clothes I packed and brought for him. It wouldn't occur to him I was being controlling in softing his wardrobe. As long as he's got some shirts etc he doesn't care.

Anyway this thread has definitely shown me that there can be some strong views about packing routines! Thankyou Grin

OP posts:
arggghparanoidalready · 14/04/2017 07:19

Packing here depends on the trip - wintersports, he gets all his gear out for checked luggage and I get mine and dc 7 & 5 out and pack it all as & not just fill the biggest pack we have a dump everything and the kitchen sink in! Summer trips are always handluggage only so he does his and I do mine and dc. Unless it's a camping trip then I do car tetris to cram everything in, again always more efficiently than he does. I also tend to do all the holiday booking, online check in & forex but he does the driving. He gets in a total flap at airports but I go into meltdown on flights so that evens out too! Dc have been responsible for packing their you backpacks since age 3.

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 07:22

confuso- your set up sounds just like mine.

My OH does not care about clothes. Wears a suit for work, and literally only has 3 t shirts, 3 polo shirts, 2 prs casual trousers and 2 prs of shorts. He works away from home a lot so always has a small case semi packed containing a wash bag with shaving stuff, tooth & shampoo, so I throw that is an well. Total time- 60 seconds,
Grab that and the packing is done.

It's interesting to note that those of us who pack for our OHs have been called "controlling" and downtrodden" on this thread.

Make me wonder what the real issue is here.

Anyway, OH is off work for the next few days. After a quick bath I am off to the gym.
OH will go to the supermarket, make lunch and dinner for the family, probably clear out the fridge ( his job because I hate doing it) while DD and I go shopping for new gym gear for us both.

Enjoy your day.

Sparklyglitter · 14/04/2017 13:19

I absolutley don't pack for my family as I really don't like packing - so I have made sure that I support my kids by helping them write a list and getting them to leave it out on the bed so I can check they haven't forgotten anything, then they pack it. My husband does his own as he's very independent. However no reason why in your family you shouldn't do the packing especially if it's an early start and your husbands at work. Each family is different. It's a different matter if you are being put upon??....

NabobsFromNobHill · 14/04/2017 13:22

I would never pack for a grown man. My DH had a mother who did his packing because she was downtrodden like you OP

People really have to be dicks, don't they, for no good reason?

Original poster
Confuso · 14/04/2017 14:54

Thanks Nacobs and Skerry Wink

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 14/04/2017 17:29

Meh. I pack for the whole family. They provide me with the clothes, I distribute them evenly across 3 cases so that if one gets lost, everyone has something to wear. Job done.

NabobsFromNobHill · 14/04/2017 17:31

You're welcome. Ignore the fools who think their way is the only way. You do you!

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 17:40

What was he doing while you were unpacking?

skerrywind · 14/04/2017 17:52

Mrsterry- I can't speak for the OP, but I unpack when I get to a holiday apartment.
I like to claim best shelves/hanging space/ organise toiletries/ get out my scented candles, sprinkle some citronella / having a G&T in the room.

OH at this time will be getting wifi passwords/ finding out where the dining rooms/times are, sorting our passports/safety deposit boxes, hotel facilities/ toilets/nearest bus stops/ map of the area.

He comes back to a nicely organised space, and I benefit from his recce trip finding out stuff that I can't be bothered to.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 17:56

That's why I asked. I might unpack but DH would also be doing something useful. Massively different if they aren't.

Original poster
Confuso · 14/04/2017 17:56

Do you mean when we got to this hotel Mrs TP? It was quite late when we got here and the DC were tired so I did it while he was running early the next morning.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 17:57

Sounds about right.

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