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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
Bosschopsbitch · 13/04/2017 11:49

What a twunt! You do what works for you, absolutely none of her business. I pick and pack for my OH and his 10yr old son cos he's sooo bad at dressing himself and his son has adhd so asking him to pack a suitcase could end in disaster 😂😂😂 I also pack for my 8yr old, because well, he's 8 and I'm also a control freak!! OH irons - ex military, I roll and pack. Not one of my friends would have an opinion on this, nor me on their habits, why would they? Oh, and don't have her kid anymore either.

motherinferior · 13/04/2017 11:49

Not let him??

motherinferior · 13/04/2017 11:51

I am also a bit Hmmabout the idea that the OP's friend must be 'jealous' because she 'has to work'.

I'd rather work than do someone else's packing.

goose1964 · 13/04/2017 11:56

I used to pack (when we had suitcase holidays) and then my husband would unpack and repack it. I now just putting my clothes out an d he packs for me

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 11:57

I'd rather work than do someone else's packing

How nice for you. Other people should care because....?

IDontWantToBuildASnowman · 13/04/2017 11:58

I pack for everyone. No choice for them. I prefer to know its done properly and things are distributed to maximise space and luggage allowance (which I find only works if one person packs all cases at the same time) and also that things get there not creased etc. I do make my DH lay out everything he wants to take (and iron his things if needed) and will do the same with children when they are old enough, but packing is my job. I have control issues though ;-)

Original poster
Confuso · 13/04/2017 12:33

I don't know if my friend is jealous about me being at home. She has been a SAHM too when she went overseas with her DH. She has only just gone back to work fairly recently after a gap as she does contract work, but she is now commuting right across London, so maybe it's all a bit much. I don't know if they need the money or not - maybe it's towards the school fees? The other thing is, my DH is British but of a Lebanese background and I think sometimes she presumes he has some sexist ideas, but she won't come out and say it. When they came for lunch some weeks back, she was making a big thing about how she couldn't possibly be at home for much longer and she was going crazy, which I thought was a bit uncalled for as well actually. I don't know why she cares, but I will ask her.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 13/04/2017 12:52

OP. You sound like you were happy before you wrote this post.

Don't live the way people here want to you live.

Live your own life, your own way, and if that means happily packing a suitcase for Husband. So be It.

ps, my hubs packs. he's fab at Tetris

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2017 13:11

Klaphat

For years now we only take hand luggage and a handbag for up to a two week holiday

I fly too cheap to be allowed a piece of hand luggage AND a handbag. Maybe others do to

Come off it! You dont get much cheaper than ryan air and they allow hand luggage +handbag and have done so foe some time. I flew with Jet2 3 weeks ago and they are the same.

Can't fit loads of suncream in hand luggage either
We get through loads seeing that we are pale and all of us are ginge!
Straight to Aldi or lidl when we get. We buy ut same time as buying the water. No issues.

Seriously, There is something liberating about travelling light. I couldnt go back to suitcases unless it was for over 6 weeks away again!

Sgtmajormummy · 13/04/2017 13:47

Easy Jet don't allow a handbag and at the prices they charge for hold luggage I have even considered "Ship My Bag" service for a large suitcase to arrive at my destination before me and travel completely luggage-free!

That WOULD be beating them at their own game!

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2017 18:08

What I'm afraid it's true. Ryanair have started to allow a handbag in addition to the carry on case. EasyJet do not allow an additional bag (apart from a duty free bag) and are still making you squeeze your handbag into your case.

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2017 18:19

Butoutofpractice
I was responding to someone else telling them that Ryan air allow cabin + handbag. Regually use Ryan air to go to Dublin, Brussels, Norway and Copenhagen.

Easyjet let us have a cabin bag, hand bag and a separate yoga mat on our flights to Krakow (x2) and Turin in the last 6 months.

Klaphat · 13/04/2017 19:39

Ah, to be fair, I forgot about Ryanair, as it hardly flies anywhere from where I live. And last time I travelled with them I absolutely hated it. I fly cheap but I won't go that cheap! Wink

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2017 20:49

Ah, to be fair, I forgot about Ryanair, as it hardly flies anywhere from where I live. And last time I travelled with them I absolutely hated it. I fly cheap but I won't go that cheap!

I fly with them many times a year and have done for years. I have never had a problem or bad expierence. I pay for what I want and need and follow the rules so no issue! The likes of RA have opened up short haul travel and I have got to see many parts of Europe that I have fallen in love with and now keep returning to.

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 21:08

I fly cheap but I won't go that cheap!

More fool you then, because they are the cheapest, AND these days they are one of the better airlines to fly with.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2017 21:25

I fly easyJet 15+ times a year and they have always rudely demanded asked people to consolidate their bags at the gate. That is still the official policy on their web site. So I guess you've just been lucky what

As I said, Ryanair have indeed relaxed their rules.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2017 21:27

But nab Ryanair don't always fly where I want to go. Do that doesn't make me a fool does it? I personally loathe them anyway and avoid them whether possible

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2017 21:31

I've still ended up with them twice this year already though. Odious company.

aintnothinbutagstring · 13/04/2017 21:35

I wouldn't be happy with a friend that was criticizing how I organise my family life or marriage tbh, unless I was forever complaining to her about such things. She sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder about something. I wouldn't really pack dhs things but I do plenty of other things for him as he does me, I'm happy to do things for my husband, it's out of love not by force.

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2017 21:39

But nab Ryanair don't always fly where I want to go. Do that doesn't make me a fool does it? I personally loathe them anyway and avoid them whether possible

I understand that's they don't go to where you want to. I switched my thinking around and thought 'let's see where they do go and see what happens' because of this I've had some great adventures. That said, I have time to travel and to take short breaks often without it impacting on my main holidays.

What do you loath about them? To me they are an airline that revolutionised travel, certainly in the U.K. They gave a basic price and then you just added on what you wanted or need. In my case I I just need a flight, my hand luggage and bag. I don't need priority booking, a lotto card. I sit where they put me and I have never sat apart from my friends ( even though in a couple of occasions I'd hoped to!). Staff have always been pleasant enough. In fact I had worse service on the Ethhid flight to Australia.
Job done IMO.

Costalot1 · 13/04/2017 21:45

Weird she even commented. I normally buy all of DH clothes and often choose what he takes on holiday, we pack together. He seems to have an aversion to spending money on things and when he needs something new I go and buy it. Unless it's shoes, has to choose his own shoes.

Closedenv · 13/04/2017 22:35

I do loads of things DH should do, if he had time. And vice versa if he has more time than me. We mix and match, play to our strengths and have a try with or without help in our weak areas when time allows. Works for us. The only time I hear comments regarding our choices is either in a positive tone which are welcomed, or in a negative way which makes me think someone isn't happy with their own choices. No OP yanbu.

Blueskyrain · 13/04/2017 23:09

Honestly, I find the balance in your relationship stifling. You cook for him, you do all laundry, all chores, all childcare what I can see. You buy his clothes. Packing for him (and unpacking) are just another example of this.

In answer to your original question, yes occasionally I'll pack for him, but not usually. But equally, he'll sometimes pack for me. He cooks, cleans, does the laundry, we share things equally. I feel you treat him as a child, and he treats you as a servant.

It might be rude of your friend to mention something, but I find the balance in your lives as shocking as well.

Booshbeesh · 13/04/2017 23:10

I pick and pack for everyone. Its easier. Less stressful and i cant pack.it so when we get to the other end i dont need to iron it again. Dh carried the bags i pack them

Blueskyrain · 13/04/2017 23:12

Booshbeesh, why would you be ironing other people's clothes at the other end?

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