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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 13/04/2017 08:27

Haha, when we arrive on holiday I always make everyone else put their own things away so we can get in the pool quicker 😁 Italy is fab, have a lovely holiday OP.

metalmum15 · 13/04/2017 08:27

Haha, when we arrive on holiday I always make everyone else put their own things away so we can get in the pool quicker 😁 Italy is fab, have a lovely holiday OP.

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2017 08:35

I was on an unexpected sleep over at work on Tuesday night so had to ring DH to pack me some things. I didn't specify what, it was hpjust a quick text message to him.
He arrived at work with an vernight bag with Knicks, bra, outfit, nightie and pjs so I could choose, make up remover andake up , moisturzer and over night face mask as well as other bits and bobs.
So although I do start his packing when we go away he helps me out as well. It's team work and give and take.

Original poster
Confuso · 13/04/2017 08:35

Boho - I accept your points, but I guess the way I see it is that laundry / ironing etc is just one thing. Balanced against that is the fact I have a cleaner in twice a week, I could get her in more if I needed to and also I don't work outside the home. I could get the cleaner to do the ironing / laundry as well if I wanted to but I don't because I feel weird about other people dealing with our underwear. I draw the line there! Similarly, DH does expect me to cook for him but surely it's fair enough because I do have the time. If we were both coming in at 8pm, he would either have to put up with something I throw together in 10 minutes or do it himself.
There are plenty of if things he can do for me and he does, which is why I'm not stressed about inequality in our marriage.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 13/04/2017 08:55

Though all of that is a moot point since, judging by this thread, most people who pack their OH's cases don't really share any household tasks either

I was more than happy with the household tasks ex-H did. He did the hoovering and cleaning. I did washing and ironing. He put laundry away. He always changed the beds. He did the bins and mowed the lawn. I did the food shopping. I cooked most nights. He cleared and washed up each night I cooked.

I genuinely don't understand how it works though - we split stuff across two cases so if a case went astray we all had stuff. So it would be either stand and do it together. Or he gets his stuff out into a pile and I put it in a case.

Who would be enough of a twat to make packing a two person job 😭

Ecureuil · 13/04/2017 09:18

We only take one case (and hand luggage) for 4 of us (two toddlers) so if the case goes astray then we'd have to find a shop and buy new underwear I guess!
I pack my stuff into it (and usually the girls' stuff although DH has been known to do that too). DH puts his stuff on top. If there's anything that doesn't fit in the case we put it in our own hand luggage.
We go away about 4 times a year. DH flies with work weekly so is pretty adept at packing for himself.

tiggytape · 13/04/2017 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ecureuil · 13/04/2017 09:40

I think the people who do it all though don't see how it is a task that can be shared though - or at least not for a family trip.
If you allow for the fact that most people want to share out items across 2 or 3 cases so that everyone has clothes should a bag be lost or delayed.....
And if you don't want someone to dump heavy jeans on top on delicate clothes you've already been packed and want things packed to share out size and weight.....
Then it makes sense for one person to be the one that physically places everything inside all of the cases and keeps track of what's in which. That doesn't mean they also have to do all the clothes shopping, washing and ironing or selecting beforehand but physical packing for a whole family is easier if one person organises it.

Wow, that all sounds complicated. We just put whatever we need into a case. Never had anything delicate damaged by 'heavy duty jeans' or anything like that. I didn't realise packing was such an art form, and I've lived in 4 different countries where we've moved just with suitcases! I reckon we're doing something very wrong.

BiddyPop · 13/04/2017 09:50

We've tried different options over the years.

I never select DH's clothes unless he is physically away up until we are about to go (he travels a lot for work and occasionally only gets home the night before we go away as a family somewhere). But he will leave them on the bed, as I am much neater at packing them.

He occasionally gets DDs out, and she is starting to get her own out now (she's 11). Its often easier for me to do it so I know she has enough, and at least 1 respectable outfit. She is getting much better though since she started trying to do her own for Cub scout overnights, and thinking ahead.

Going on actual hols, rather than weekends visiting family, I try to do it to fit the spaces - if driving, I have to put together the self-catering box as well and find room for pillows and a sleeping bag, but we often use squashy bags. Driving hols tend to mean everyone takes their own bag.

Flying hols, I always have a thing about luggage getting lost. So I get everything on the bed, and spread it across all the cases, so that there is at least 1 outfit for everyone in each case, and try to spread swimming gear across 2 cases (we usually have at least 2 sets each). That is a job that I tend to do myself as DH just plonks everything straight in willy nilly.

BiddyPop · 13/04/2017 09:52

In fairness though, DH more or less runs the laundry system - he does a lot of the sorting, washing, hanging and taking in (I do some but he tends to get to it first). He folds everything on a weekend evening in front of a movie (we have a hamper of clean clothes to root through in the kitchen if needed, but do the folding as a single weekly job). And he does all the ironing since DD was born.

tiggytape · 13/04/2017 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ecureuil · 13/04/2017 10:01

We take one case for us all. I must just be a massive slob as I've never considered things being wrinkled or ironing them on holiday, I just hang them up. We put the kids a spare pair of clothes in their hand luggage in case of spillages etc (both pre schoolers).

Ecureuil · 13/04/2017 10:05

Also, I've flown maybe 200 times in my life (used to fly once or twice a week with work) and never had a case go missing. It'll probably happen next time we go away now I've said that!

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2017 10:11

Im suprised at people talking about taking cases + hand luggage!

For years now we only take hand luggage and a handbag for up to a two week holiday.
Admitedly we took a suitcase when we went away for 6 weeks but that w as between four of us. The only othher time we need a bigger bag is if we go skiing.

Even with toddlers we aways packed very light.

dementedpixie · 13/04/2017 10:15

We take at least 3 cases plus hand luggage. Need to allow for every eventuality!

dementedpixie · 13/04/2017 10:16

Can't fit loads of suncream in hand luggage either

FP239 · 13/04/2017 10:17

I pack for my entire family. And there is many reasons I do it

A. I am a bargain hunter and refuse to pay for hold luggage so it's all carry on. With 2adults and 4kids you need to be very selective on what you pack to last 14 days.
2, kids need new summer clothes ever year so in April I do a bulk buy on sports direct for our may holiday and when it's delivered it goes right in the cases.
And
If I let my husband pack he would come out of his room on the first day looking like a rab c nesbitt as he stashes the holiest oldest t shirts and torn shorts. He doesn't care a fig about how he dresses and prefers "comfy hobo" over crisp white t shirts and navy shorts so No chance!

As others have said, whatever forks for you, none of her business!

Ecureuil · 13/04/2017 10:21

We mainly take a case for toiletries (can't be arsed faffing with 100mls) and suncream if going somewhere warm. And because DH is a 6ft 4, 17 stone rugby player with size 13 feet so can't get much in hand luggage!

Wingdingingit · 13/04/2017 10:29

There's more to it than the packing, something else must have annoyed her. Could it be she's slightly miffed that you are able to stay at home (and look after her kid) and that she has to work?
Personally I wouldn't pack for husband just because he's husband, I would get everything out for him to sort through and throw in case, would expect the same done for me though if I was workings whilst packing needed to be organised.

I would mention to her that you felt a bit attacked and not sure where it came from. She may have had a crappy day and offloaded to you.

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 10:59

Though all of that is a moot point since, judging by this thread, most people who pack their OH's cases don't really share any household tasks either

There is no basis for that assertion at all, you've merely invented in to make your judging seem more reasonable.

Klaphat · 13/04/2017 11:07

For years now we only take hand luggage and a handbag for up to a two week holiday.

I fly too cheap to be allowed a piece of hand luggage AND a handbag. Maybe others do too.

Booboo66 · 13/04/2017 11:18

I'm assuming here that you are at home and DH isn't? In which case it's totally reasonable that you would pack. I'm sure he does other helpful things!

Booboo66 · 13/04/2017 11:22

It's the cheapest airlines of all that actually allow generous hand luggage plus a handbag. 2 weeks in summer somewhere hot hand luggage is plenty, I just buy sun creams at airport once I'm through security. However I took 1 case for our only week long April holiday as more layers and bulky clothes were needed.

Mabel83 · 13/04/2017 11:28

I'd tell her to mind her own fucking business and be a bit more grateful and respectful. What you do or don't do for your own OH is up to you. My OH gets all his things together and I then pack them I wouldn't dream of letting him pack or else either a) I'll need to iron it all again when we get to the other end or b) it'll not fit cos he'll just ram it all in. Maybe she's jealous.

Ecureuil · 13/04/2017 11:47

I wouldn't dream of letting him pack or else either a) I'll need to iron it all again when we get to the other end

Or he could, as it would be his fault it was creased.