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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
bluebellsparklypants · 12/04/2017 21:21

Gosh no wouldn't pick & pack DH clothes id get 'why did you pack that?' all holiday Grin but know peep who do for the family and not unusual.
Maybe she was just having an off day?
Or annoyed that her DD was enjoying being with your family? Jealous of you going on holiday? Hopefully you holiday will put bit of distance from her odd episode

Picoloangel · 12/04/2017 21:23

I do our packing but only because of the carnage I experienced once when luggage went astray. DP picks his clothes but I mix and match our stuff and DDs so that if a case goes astray we all have something to wear until it's found. DP osganises all the currency so we do divide the holiday chores but at the end of the day it's actually none of anyone else's business. Wonder if there was more to this nasty rant?

metalmum15 · 12/04/2017 21:30

She sounds totally unhinged. Maybe packing is some kind of issue for her.

I do most of the packing because I'm superwoman, plus the only one who will remember everything (emergency diarrhoea tablets, pump for the ridiculously huge blow up animal we take every year, all those little things that someone inevitably says 'Did we bring. ..'

Dh packs his own clothes and anything electrical, dc decide on what clothes they would like to take and I pack (and approve) them, they also pack their own hand luggage with toys, magazines, hair bobbles, bits and bobs. I do absolutely everything else, including toiletries, towels, food, kitchen stuff (we always self cater abroad ), medicine, sun tan lotions etc.

It works for us.

metalmum15 · 12/04/2017 21:30

She sounds totally unhinged. Maybe packing is some kind of issue for her.

I do most of the packing because I'm superwoman, plus the only one who will remember everything (emergency diarrhoea tablets, pump for the ridiculously huge blow up animal we take every year, all those little things that someone inevitably says 'Did we bring. ..'

Dh packs his own clothes and anything electrical, dc decide on what clothes they would like to take and I pack (and approve) them, they also pack their own hand luggage with toys, magazines, hair bobbles, bits and bobs. I do absolutely everything else, including toiletries, towels, food, kitchen stuff (we always self cater abroad ), medicine, sun tan lotions etc.

It works for us.

Groovee · 12/04/2017 21:32

My kids (17/14) and DH give me their stuff they want packed as I get a bit anal. But they sort their stuff so it's their fault if they leave something behind!

cherish123 · 12/04/2017 21:44

YANBU. I think she was probably just saying don't be a doormat but came on too strong. Lots of people pack for other halves esp if one was at work and not the other. Your OH probably does other things in the house for you so it will even itself out. I would pack for DC to ensure they had everything unless the wanted to do it.

BigGrannyPants · 12/04/2017 22:38

I pack for everyone and I really don't mind, in fact I prefer it, then I know we've got everything we need. Why does your friend care about you so much, sound like she has a bee in her bonnet about your DH and has finally burst! Is she the friend you would speak to if you wanted to vent about DH?

ChangelingToday · 12/04/2017 23:30

I don't think your friends issue was about your packing the cases at all. She was in great form until she went upstairs to get her child then flipped when she saw the suitcases because the penny dropped and it hit her that the free babysitter was no longer available.

pollymere · 12/04/2017 23:38

I wouldn't pack for my DH, but I would ask him whether he'd remembered certain items. However, my dh has a damaged mid term memory so might forget to pack things, or what he had packed. He once left all the toiletries at home on the bathroom door. My dd is better, she's been packing her own case since four or five, but I usually check it's balanced and make suggestions. For a weekend or short trip I wouldn't even check hers. I decided a long time ago that I have enough to do without having to pack theirs too! However, you are nbu either. Your friend was very rude, especially as you might just be packing up stuff already picked out, or just helping out your DH who won't have time for some reason.

Tootles7 · 13/04/2017 00:10

I obviously don't know your friend (and haven't read through the whole 18 pages) but to go that overboard suggests there was something else behind this. It could be completely unrelated to you and she just blew after holding something in or she's been holding in how annoying she finds your family ways!
But certainly unless you resent the packing, carry on 🙂

dorisdog · 13/04/2017 00:18

No, of course I wouldn't pack for myour partner, he's a grown up! However, if I saw a friend doing that, I would be aggressive towards them. I'd be worried about how they are being treated by their partner, though. And would definately judge him badly.

dorisdog · 13/04/2017 00:19

Typos! I mean that 'I wouldn't be aggressive.

Shanster · 13/04/2017 01:58

I've never packed for DH. A few years ago, he was leaving for a 5 week trip to France (leaving me behind working f/t with a baby and a 3 year old). The weekend before he left, I told him he'd better start his washing (he does all the washing and ironing normally) but he was busy and didn't. I reminded him once more, but he didn't bother. The night before he left he packed his dirty clothes into a rucksack, shrugged and confidently asserted that they'd have washing machines in France. My mother was horrified by this, but honestly - his clothes, his trip, his responsibility?

BoboChic · 13/04/2017 06:13

I wouldn't contemplate packing for DP or any of the DC. DD has pretty much done all her own packing since she was 7 or 8. Having said that, we all travel constantly and not all together, so everyone is very practised at packing for a wide variety of occasions.

I do, however, oversee all the laundry and household supplies. Anyone wanting to pack can find anything they want or need for their trip ready and waiting in a cupboard, at any time.

elkegel · 13/04/2017 06:22

I have packed for DH once pre-kids when he was stuck at work and we were going away for the weekend, just so as we could get away on time. Other than that I definitely don't pack for him.

DDs are 11 and 8 and they also pack for themselves, and have done for a couple of years now. They enjoy it and are better at remembering stuff than I am. When I did pack for them when they were little I regularly forgot something - the best one was forgetting to pack any pants for DD2! So I just pack my own stuff. I do run a bit of a checklist with them verbally but they are very good at it.

elkegel · 13/04/2017 06:24

My DM always packs for my DF, by the way. I took a firm decision that I didn't want to go down that road.

Original poster
Confuso · 13/04/2017 06:35

Good morning! We've arrived in Italy now. Dare I say I've already hung everyone's things in the wardrobes?
I did try and resist the urge though.
DH did prove himself useful getting us out of Naples and down towards the Amalfi Coast where the roads are slightly hair-raising Confused
Thanks for all the perspectives. I've realised I may be a bit controlling in this area Confused, as much as DH is a bit "entitled" in expecting me to do such things for him.
Thankyou!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/04/2017 06:43

It's wider than just picking and packing for the op though, she buys his clothes, she washes his clothes,, she picks his clothes for holiday, she irons his holiday clothes before packing them, she then packs them, then unpacks them at the other end at their holiday destination, then if they need ironing, she irons them for him whilst on holiday.

i think all relationship dynamics are different, but I genuinely can't perceive being in a relationship where one partner did all that for the other, unless there was some form of illness or disability which prevented the catered to partner being able to do anything for themselves at any stage.

MsJamieFraser · 13/04/2017 06:47

It depends what gong on in our family life, I ask dh what he wants to pack and he normally gets it all out the drawers, and then I pack the rest, or vice versa, I always pack the dc clothes as if not they would pack their comfy clothes as they call them (sports wear)

MangoSplit · 13/04/2017 06:49

Have a lovely holiday OP! ☀️️

user1471558436 · 13/04/2017 06:54

I agree bluntness. It's also not comparable to cooking a meal for a husband. It more comparable to processing/controlling every item of food husband puts in his mouth 24/7.

user1471558436 · 13/04/2017 06:54

Yes hand a nice holiday!

AnnPerkins · 13/04/2017 07:07

Your holiday sounds fab Confuso. Have a lovely time.

bumblingmum · 13/04/2017 07:08

She is rude and shouldn't have commented. None of her business.
I packed once for DH, he didn't have time. I asked him to get out what he wanted and didn't do I chose and then he yelled at me at destination because I hadn't brought a specific tshirt. Never again.
I pack for me, kids (6&8) and dog (and snacks, drinks, food etc).
He packs his own case and we do NOT share cases because he is too messy.

FerdinandsRevenge · 13/04/2017 07:35

No he's a grown up. We pick for the kids though