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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
Thissideof40 · 12/04/2017 19:28

I pack for me and the kids. OH sorts himself out.

Woolyheads · 12/04/2017 19:30

Good grief. I choose it, book it, pay for it, and work to earn the money for it - and pay the childcare to allow me to work to pay for plus arrange that around my leave to take us away.
You want me to pack for him too?!
DS is seven and packs for himself, has done for years (though I do check it for him :-) )

NabobsFromNobHill · 12/04/2017 19:33

No, nobody wants you to pack for him too. Hmm

Summerlovin24 · 12/04/2017 19:36

Never pack for dh. Why would I. I do more housework than him, clean toilets (he never does) and do the annoying stuff for hols like remembering kids coats/swimmers/goggles/calpol.
It wouldn't be appreciated and also I have enough trouble deciding what to take for myself without doing his. He also does his own washing

NabobsFromNobHill · 12/04/2017 19:39

Nobody has suggested that anyone should pack for anyone else. That isn't the point. The point is that if OP, or anyone else, wants to do that for her family, its no-ones business.

No-one has suggested that anyone who doesn't do it should do. Some have been unable to extend that courtesy to people who do though, and have been rather rude in some of their judgements.

How is it anyone elses business either way?

grannytomine · 12/04/2017 19:39

I thought you were packing their bags to throw them out, that would probably have been more unreasonable. Enjoy the holiday.

OldLibrary · 12/04/2017 19:40

I wouldn't pack for dh. Nor 15 year old. Do pack with 9yr old.

I do, however, ensure we have all the kids medications, and boring stuff.

motherinferior · 12/04/2017 19:42

The question was actually AIBU. And some of us think yes, it is unreasonable. I realise this is judgy, etc etc, but she did ask.

jayne1976 · 12/04/2017 19:46

Don't pack for husband, but only because he would complain / sulk I'd got it all wrong - how can I know what he wants to wear!
Kids yes - I know what I want them to wear!
Was she just sulking as she felt you should have been devoting every precious second to her offspring that she could devote time to.

NabobsFromNobHill · 12/04/2017 19:49

The question was actually AIBU. And some of us think yes, it is unreasonable. I realise this is judgy, etc etc, but she did ask

Well you can think it unreasonable if you like, but it doesn't make any sense to think so. Is it more unreasonable than cooking for your partner, or making both halves of your bed and not just one , or putting their laundry in with your own?

I can;t imagine how you could even summon up an opinion on who puts shit in bags in a couple you've never even met, but knock yourself out if you must.

And clearly the actual aibu was "wasn't my friend being an absolute dickhead with these comments".

Underparmummy · 12/04/2017 19:50

I dont pack for my husband. I do all the kids packing though, he'd be shit at it. He does things in the house I'd be shit at.

Your friend is a dick. Stop doing her childcare for free.

gluteustothemaximus · 12/04/2017 19:52

I always pack for DH. He has very little clothes (think 5 tops and 2 jeans) so basically I just packs them all. I am an excellent packer, DH not so.

One time he did pack he forgot essentials (like pants).

I pack all clothes, medicines, essential stuff. Kids pack toys and fun stuff.

DS couldn't care less what I pack for him. DD is becoming master packer too, and loves to choose her clothes.

Would never pack if DH didn't want me to. Am not a control freak, just playing to our strengths is all.

Imabadmummy · 12/04/2017 19:52

YANBU.

No one else's business really.

Do what works for your family.

Ecureuil · 12/04/2017 19:59

Is it more unreasonable than cooking for your partner, or making both halves of your bed and not just one , or putting their laundry in with your own?

People have explained above why they think it is more unreasonable than those things listed.

And you don't really get to tell people it doesn't make sense for them to think something is unreasonable. That's the point of AIBU FFS. For people to give different opinions, and their reasons. You don't get to make the final decision on whether someone is BU or not.

NabobsFromNobHill · 12/04/2017 20:02

I do get to tell them that. Free speech, innit? I can say what I like, within guidelines, which it is.

That wasn't the point of the OP, despite the actual title.

You give your opinion, I give mine. And mine is that to even have an opinion on such inconsequential things like who packs or who cooks in a relationship, as long as the people concerned are perfectly happy, is quite pathetic.

AlyHughes86 · 12/04/2017 20:09

Absolutely would not pack for husband. Wouldn't even consider it. He's an adult. Kids are 5 and 3, and I get my 5yo to chose however many t shirts, shorts, pants and I supervise but certainly wouldn't do it for him. I have a friend who does do this for her husband and kids. I've mentioned to her before I think it's strange but it's her choice.

dogletsrock · 12/04/2017 20:09

I love packing, I always feel that the planning and buying stuff helps get me in the mood. By the time I pack I am generally singing and dancing around the bedroom. I would hate it if my dh got in the way. So I always pack his. However, I hate unpacking so he does this, which leads to him loading the washing machine! Happy days🤗

Ecureuil · 12/04/2017 20:11

I do get to tell them that. Free speech, innit? I can say what I like, within guidelines, which it is

Fair enough. Doesn't mean you're right though. Like everything else on AIBU, it's your opinion.

MsGemJay · 12/04/2017 20:14

Firstly, as your friend has pointed out... you are v busy and going away tomo... so it's lovely and wonderful of you to have had her child all day!! You must have a billion things to do as well as you it being sch holidays.

So you pack some clothes for your husband?? Maybe he works ridic long hours and won't have time tomorrow. Maybe you (like me) have holiday clothes that only ever see sunny places so it's just a case of washing/drying and packing.

Maybe your friend had a bad day. But it Obv bothered you enough to share so maybe just mention that how you and your other half divide your time it all ends up the same way.

Maybe she's jel you're going away for Easter?? Have a great trip x

NabobsFromNobHill · 12/04/2017 20:34

Fair enough. Doesn't mean you're right though. Like everything else on AIBU, it's your opinion

Doesn't mean I'm necessarily right, no. I am though, and you know it.

Ecureuil · 12/04/2017 20:38

Nah, I think you're a downtrodden skivvy doing wife work Wink.

Not really, but we can all throw insults around.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/04/2017 20:40

Nabob. As I and others have said, sharing housework, childcare etc is completely different from doing personal tasks for someone who is perfectly caoabable of doing it themselves. Though very many MNers seem to think so little if their adult OHs that they are not capable of packing their own case without getting wrong Hmm

Though all of that is a moot point since, judging by this thread, most people who pack their OH's cases don't really share any household tasks either.

Make if that what you will

Studentwife · 12/04/2017 20:40

I don't think YBU. When my four kids were little and I was a stay at home mum, I did all the prep and laid everything out and then my husband did the packing.
Now we've only got one left at home and he still packs!

SherbrookeFosterer · 12/04/2017 20:52

Tread with caution. How is her marriage?

She might be projecting her anger on you because she is holding in something that is troubling her.

exLtEveDallas · 12/04/2017 20:56

Though all of that is a moot point since, judging by this thread, most people who pack their OH's cases don't really share any household tasks either

Yeah you are certainly right about that BitOutOfPractice- DH does pretty much all the household tasks. Especially ironing, I fucking hate ironing.