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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
Advicewouldbelovelyta · 12/04/2017 18:11

I pack for my dh, dd and ds. I also shop for all their underwear/toiletries/clothing etc. The children are toddlers and my dh works 12 hour shifts

GoodGirlGoneWrong · 12/04/2017 18:11

Your friend was rude. And not really a friend to talk to you like that.

Umm I normally do the packing I didn't know this was wrong. DH and I share a suitcase. I sort out the basics and he adds what he wants.

Dc1 is 5 and can help I normally give a list and pack it tho taking out bits and pieces.

Dc2 is 3 I always do.

DeanaPiana · 12/04/2017 18:11

Haha, OP I have to be honest. Going by the title, I thought you were going to talk about kicking DH and the kids out Grin

YANBU! She's got a fucking cheek. Fuck her off immediately.

Molehillfromamountain · 12/04/2017 18:14

Your friend is rude...maybe she's projecting. I pack for DH because I'm better at it I'd have to walk round with him wearing whatever mismatched combo he produced he does the chargers, camera cards, travel money type stuff though so we balance out.
I also throw out and buy him new undies if they look shabby...because I like the drawers to look neat Grin

LadyPW · 12/04/2017 18:16

I don't see that it matters. If husband / partner / child wants to wear particular things then they can pack or put those things out. Otherwise does it matter providing you're happy to do it? Besides, surely there's some suitcase-sharing going on? A far better idea to spread belongings out across more than one suitcase just in case a case goes astray. That way one person isn't stuffed wile another has their full wardrobe...

LadyPW · 12/04/2017 18:17

I also throw out and buy him new undies if they look shabby...because I like the drawers to look neat
I like your thinking Grin

JeffVaderneedsatray · 12/04/2017 18:20

I pack for all of us. If I didn't DS (12 with an ASC) would pack Lego, books, a couple fo trains, a sock, a apir of pants and a pen; DD (9 eith an ASC and ADHD to boot) would pack EVERY cuddly toy she owns, a nightie and her toothbrush and DH would pack lots of books and tech as well as his PJs and possibly a spare outfit (DH may have an ASC and gives precisley no fucks about the world and how it sees him).
I also pack for all of us because I NEED to know we have everything we need as not knowing makes me highly anxious. As does not knowing what time it is in the middle of the night!
What happens is... I ask DH to get everything he needs for our trip and then I send him back to get the rest fo it and then we debate what coat he needs with me sayign just pick a bloody coat and him googling long term weather forecasts! The kids are sent to find say 7 pairs of pants, 7 pairs of scoks etc etc
If DH is going away himself I give no fucks about what he packs and thus he does that himself.
I could leave him to pack for joint ventures but I would find that too excrutiating and so I do it. Then I know we have all we need and I can relax.
I hate packing but I hate the not knowing more.
I am not a surrendered wife. I am a SAHM and I do most of the housey things as I am at home to do them (and no other fucker does them properly anyway) but he does the things i hate like mowing the lawn.
Just because a family works a different way to yours doesn't make them lesser. it jsut makes them different.

Original poster
Confuso · 12/04/2017 18:24

We're on our way to the airport now. It's lucky I got organised yesterday as this thread has sidetracked me today Grin

I just told DH there is an online chat about packing for DH's (he has no idea about MN - or that I started a thread) and he said, "What do you mean?" and "What is the issue with that?" Confused

OP posts:
Sgtmajormummy · 12/04/2017 18:24

I take clothing that's on the way out on holiday with me. Chuck it after wearing and leave space in the suitcase for souvenirs. I especially do it with shoes, so they have two pairs for the holiday but only one to travel back with!

NeverNic · 12/04/2017 18:32

I pack for myself and DC, choosing the clothes. OH sorts his own clothes out and I will pack once he's sorted this. I'm hands down a better packer than he is, plus I like to spread out toiletries and beach stuff across the suitcases to spread the weight. I like to pack light-ish. OH takes all sort of crap and I might remove stuff he will not use like sweatshirts when it will be 40c...

I find it a bit selfish just for one person to sort just them self out tbh and if OH just packed his I'd be more pissed off.

Jumpmom1 · 12/04/2017 18:32

wtf has it got to do with her or anyone else who u pack for?

Notanotherpawpatrol · 12/04/2017 18:37

I'm a sahm, dh works long hours, we often travel in the evening after he finishes work or early Saturday morning. I have time, i don't mind packing for him! The only thing i do not stand are people complaining I've forgotten to pack them something. Luckily this has never been a problem with dh...Mil on the other hand (when we travel with her) will point out I've forgotten x, y or z for Dh or the kids Hmm
Dh pulls out his credit card and usually responds with "it's fine mum, pawpatrol remembered everything else". She gets all huffy about and says how it's my "job" to remember and he tells her to wind her neck in or spoil the holiday. God I love him sometimes Grin

podrig · 12/04/2017 18:38

I wouldn't pack for mine but I couldn't give a stuff if you or anyone else does so for yours

NabobsFromNobHill · 12/04/2017 18:38

I said buying pants is something that any adult can manage for themselves. I might buy him posh pants for a present for birthday / valentines / christmas. But not his everyday ones. Because he's a grown up

Of course my OH can buy his own pants, he's a perfectly able human adult. But I go to the shops he would buy them in frequently, whereas he would have to make a specific trip on his day off. What would be the point of making him get in the car, drive to the shops, pay for parking, and waste 2 hours....just to make the point that I won't do it for him, when for me it would just mean throwing them in my basket when I'm in there anyway?

Some people seem so wedded to the idea of independence that they can't see that couples doing things for each other is perfectly normal behaviour.

Salumeria · 12/04/2017 18:39

I have sometimes packed for DH , especially when we have been in a hurry, as it is quicker for one person to do it and the other to sort out something else - he usually packs all the toiletries.

I don't "pick out" clothes for him with any degree of selectiveness - that does seem a bit controlling tbh! I open the drawer and just count out the requisite number of t shirts, underwear etc into a pile, starting at the top of the pile. If DH has to pack for me, he does likewise, just takes the nearest things.

DC often pack for themselves (aged 5 and 9), but I tend to give them strict instructions on how many of each item they can take, or they'll end up putting far too much in.
I check the DC's packing after they have sorted it out, I wouldn't check DH's!

Notanotherpawpatrol · 12/04/2017 18:43

Some people seem so wedded to the idea of independence that they can't see that couples doing things for each other is perfectly normal behaviour.
This! If I'm teaching my children to be kind considerate human beings, that starts at home. Dh and I do things for each other all the time. I'll pick up underware for him while I'm out shopping and he'll pick up my shampoo when he's out shopping. It works both ways!

greeneyedlulu · 12/04/2017 18:43

I let my other half when we were together put on the bed what he wanted to take but then I packed the suitcase!
I remember my mum packing for both my dad and I when I was kid so to me, this is normal!

exLtEveDallas · 12/04/2017 18:44

Well horrors. I also buy all of DHs clothes Shock

Simply because he wears the same things Year in Year out and is impossible to buy presents for...For his birthday he gets socks, pants and polo shirts. For Xmas he gets socks pants and jumpers. It's what he wants and what he asks for.

If he needs new jeans he buys them from Asda when we go to our caravan - he'll buy 4 pairs for £8 each and wear them until they fall apart.

Holiday packing for him is: 4 pairs lightweight jeans (current pairs are about 6 years old), 10 polo shirts, 5 t shirts, 4 shorts, 14 pants. 1 pair flip flops. It's been the same list for as long as I've known him (15 years). Sure he could pack it himself, but how hard is it for me to do it alongside mine?

Some people seem to want to make every little thing an issue.

Craigie · 12/04/2017 18:44

I pack, because frankly everyone else in my house is shit at it, but I would NEVER iron my husband's clothes - I've got myself & 2 young kids clothes to sort out.

Cleanermaidcook · 12/04/2017 18:46

It's absolutely none of her business and if she was that bothered about you doing too much she shouldn't have left her child with you for so long!

I see nothing wrong with packing for DH if you dont mind doing it.
At our house I do everyone's packing, dh puts his pile of stuff on the bed and the kids bring in their underwear and pj's, i get the rest and put it in the cases for everyone. It doesn't mean dh is not behaving like an adult/ not capable/ not pulling his weight, it means I like doing the packing, there are loads of things that he does for me too, especially on holiday, play to your strengths and work as a team I say. x

DieSchottin93 · 12/04/2017 19:04

My dad has always packed for our holidays - we lay our clothes on the bed and he packs the suitcases because he is a good suitcase packer something I've not inherited from him Grin

I think your friend was being very unreasonable and also a bit weird, what does it matter to her if you pack your DH's suitcase?! Confused

starfishmummy · 12/04/2017 19:08

Dh packs his stuff while I am packing for myself and ds (who is disabled so can't do kt himself). I do make lots of helpful hints otherwise he would be wearing the same shirt all fortnight and have no toileteries. (We share most of those anyway).

Farmerswifey1 · 12/04/2017 19:16

I've always packed for my now husband. Before we were engaged etc. I've put on the bed what I think he'll want and he agrees or not. I've even packed for him to go on a stag do.

For our honeymoon I forgot to take him any t-shirt though so he now checks my packing more closely! Grin

Our agreement is he goes and earns and I (spend it all) stay at home. Part of that is I have the time to do the packing. Plus I stress if he left it to the last minute!

Above all else, it's your relationship and you don't need to justify it to anyone Blush

silky1985 · 12/04/2017 19:19

i pack for everyone if I don't they would all run out of clothes the second day lol . I think it depends on how the household is run. in mine I do everything and my husband works and drives me around if I need him to. Everyone is different and that is ok !!!

gingersketcher · 12/04/2017 19:21

Sounds very odd OP. I'm thinking there is something more going on than crossness about your martyrdom. You don't have a go like that for someone else's choices.