To have ended it with this date?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I have had an abusive relationship. So I'm very wary of choosing a nasty guy again. Went on two amazing dates with a lovely man on date 2 he was already talking about holidays away (would usually would have scared me!). Date 3 I met up and we had sex. It was nice. We had a lovely sunny day in the park. I probably did make him feel that I was really into him (I thought I was, I really did). We met the next day and I just didn't feel right. I didn't want to hold his hand. It felt clammy and sweaty. He'd told his parents about me and all his work friends were excited about his new woman. He'd posted instagram smug couple selfies.
After a couple of wines I felt more relaxed with him, but although at times I had butterflies and did fancy him, at other times little things repulsed me. Silly things like saying he'd brush his teeth so he had 'minty fresh breath' for me. I can't explain why, but that and his clammy skin made my skin crawl.
I didn't know for certain what to do, but he was getting keener and keener and so I've just very nicely ended it, saying I wasn't sure about my feelings and it wasn't fair to him to flip flop like that. He took it well though was upset. It just felt like too much, too fast and too soon. I feel awful because I did get swept up in it and did inadvertently lead him on. We even took our dating profiles down on date 2. I'm such an idiot. I think I just wanted it so much that I tried to convince myself. But it just wasn't right I don't think.
Have I made a mistake? He was sweet and kind, if inexperienced. I did fancy him at times. But the speed of things and the skin crawl feeling made me realise it wasn't right. I feel really upset and have cried tonight though.
Before you say I'm crazy and over reacting, I think the abusive relationship left me a bit raw and I'm discovering and setting new boundaries.
Just need a cuddle.

He sounded a bit Dale Winton. It's hard to explain. With his wrist bent and hand extended out.

Being alone isn't that bad (I like it). I don't want to settle and I'm terrified of being mistreated again.

I think you did rush things by having sex on the third date but it's done now. But if you are now having second thoughts just end it as nicely as you can. If you don't want to see him again then don't. I once when I was young thought I liked this quite good looking man. Then after one date decided he was far too tall and wore white socks! So it doesn't take much to turn us off.

Sorry Op, I laughed too at the "pastries". Was it an accent thing?

You sound lovely and did absolutely the right thing by ending it kindly. Onwards and upwards and next time steer clear of any cake shops!

Have a virtual cuddle from me.

I had sex on the third date because I wanted to, I haven't had sex for ages and it was obvious he was very into me. Plus sex is important so can help you to know someone is right for you.

I actually am eating a pastry right now

I've been there too OP, it's your instincts telling you he's not the man for you. For whatever reason. If you fancied him and it was right, it would all feel great.

I too have found it difficult to end things when I should, although I am getting better. I hate the thought of letting anyone down. You've definitely done the right thing

I went right off a man recently who couldn't pronounce 'th' properly . Second date in and I knew I couldn't get past it. I feel terrible admitting it as I know it can be normal in some accents.

Sometimes I feel that reasons like this are why I deserve to be alone and cold in bed at night

In my last relationship, he strung me along for a whole year and took advantage of my devotion to him by emotionally abusing and sexually coercing me. I ended up with no confidence. So I promised myself that I would really try not to string anyone along. I know how bad it felt - he couldn't even be bothered to break up with me.

I would say trust your instincts, something wasn't right. You'd get to the bottom of it eventually, but why waste time when you like him, but there's no connection if that makes sense.

You are smiling now though?

You had sex, you had fun and YOU decided when to end it so sounds as if the confidence is coming back.

Please tell us how he said pastries! I'm picturing an orange coloured man who is a little effeminate (and sweaty (eww)) holding a Danish very carefully in his fingers.

I do think I value my freedom now and I am reluctant to lose my independence. I also think the connection can't have been right and I wouldn't have been fair to him to continue on the off chance it'd grow.

Fancied you are right! I feel a bit mean, but I am smelling!
He was effeminate sounding and quite cheesy. But not orange. And yes, at times a bit sweaty. It's one of those things that once seen, can't be forgotten.
He just came prancing towards me, joyfully exclaiming he'd got us some pastries. That image creates pathos for me now, the poor man. But someone will adore him and his pastries.

*smelling should say smiling!

You dipped your toe into the dating pool and didn't like the temperature. No big deal, you don't have to stick with the first person you date again. You can wait until you feel your twat radar has fully aligned.

Thank God it didn't put you off patisserie OP - that would have been a terrible shame :-D. You should have a nice cake every day for a bit, to make sure you rebuild the good associations of pastries :-p

You have a right to end a date for whatever reason you like. He feels creepy. You don't fancy him. You got a better offer. You don't like how he says pastries. You don't like his shoes. Whatever. As a single woman you're looking for a relationship that makes your life better. If you don't like him enough to make your life better, don't have a relationship with him. You don't owe him anything but honesty- just tell him you're not feeling it and you want him to be free to meet someone who will be the right fit for him because you know you're not.

I think my confidence is returning. I need to view my decisiveness positively I think. And my love of pastries will continue undefeated

Oh OP don't feel bad. He sounds a bit desperate and telling his parents about you so soon is a bit yuck. And if you were starting to feel a bit put off by his presentation then you were right to end it. It's the magic and lust of the early years that carry you through some of the tricky patches later on.

Personally I find men who are a bit geeky quite attractive, but he sounds a bit drippy which is not good. He'll be perfect for someone else, just not you. You did the honourable thing by ending it at this point.

He sounds needy, sweaty & camp. He'll be someone's cup of tea, just not yours or mine. Clammy hands, urgh.

He just came prancing towards me, joyfully exclaiming he'd got us some pastries. That image creates pathos for me now, the poor man. But someone will adore him and his pastries.

Oh God, I'm so sorry but that paragraph made me laugh so much! Sorry it didn't work out for you this time, but it sounds as if you definitely made the right decision.

I made the right decision definitely. I'm on hols this week, so I've a lunch date with a guy I saw a while ago. He isn't camp and we will avoid pastries.

Seems like you realise you did the right thing!
I went on a few dates with a man who agreed with everything I said using the same line:
Me - lovely weather!
Him - isn't it though?

I wanted to kill him after hearing that a few times

Well done for going with your gut and not settling. Good luck with the next one!