to share a pubic hair / sex life conundrum with you?!

[meladeso]

Opinions gratefully received on this weird one. Massive over-share / TMI warning!

DH is massively awesome, lucky to have v happy marriage, v evenly matched in temperament and so on, and he's great with kids / house / etc. zero complaints from me on any front.

He's also very direct and honest, which I've got used to over the years, but sometimes it means he says things you might not want to hear! he never means it unkindly, but still...

So, a while back whilst having a frank chat about sex (and honestly, lack thereof since second DC arrived last summer) and a good laugh about how we need to get back on the horse more often, so to speak, etc etc. he came out with the confession that he found my pubic hair off putting in terms of oral sex.

We've never been at it like rabbits, but clearly used to be more than we are now. I am not very hairy really, and i do have the odd trim around bikini line etc. but I have v sensitive skin.

to shave regularly (which i did in younger days) leaves me itchy, sore and with an unattractive rash.
to wax is a faff, a bit unpleasant, and besides, surely if you do it regularly, you have a couple of weeks every few weeks where you've got loads of regrowth anyway, right?!

i had a comedy feminist rant back at him about pubic hair is natural, there for a reason, and so on (see Cameron Diaz for more on this ) and told him the above about it leaving me uncomfortable.

he sort of understood, but he also was a bit shoulder shrug, and basically saying he didn't enjoy it au naturel, so.....

not an ultimatum as such, but left me understanding that he wasn't likely to go down there unless it was well pruned.

i just don't know how to feel about it.

Part of me feels hurt and offended and frankly a bit cross that he wants me to do something i don't want to do to suit him. Let me be clear though - he has certainly not put it like that, nor mentioned it since. I bet he hasn't given it a second thought.

However, i also certainly don't want to think he finds it off putting and either try to make him do something he doesn't want to do, or just go without for the rest of our lives.
the thought of getting busy in some way with something that I found a turn off myself is awful, so why would i expect him to be any different?

No OP I said HE has moved the goalposts not you I did correct it by posting again.

Flyinggeese point taken thanks! Those two replies just pushed my buttons a bit

HelenaDove sorry I'm confused - but it's certainly me who has done the goalpost moving ,

OP I was in a similar conundrum years ago when DH asked me to do the same thing. I didn't want to shave and was a bit eeeww about going for the first professional wax, but now it's just a part of life. I much prefer having nothing down there - sex is better due to more sensitivity! Also I hardly get any regrowth anymore. Thinking about just getting the last bit lasered now. So I'm 40 and have been at it for years.

What i really don't get is the comments with to please him/his benefit/hie enjoyment etc. Since it's only oral sex(not all sex) performed on the OP, doesn't she get as much pleasure/benefits/enjoyment etc as him,if not more?

Best thread ever. I actually hate when my oh preens his pubes, full man bush is my preference lol. I use a beard trimmer you get to keep all your hair just far neater. Honestly though my oh did tell me he quite liked it all off and I told him I was worried if that was the case and go back to watching porn if that was what he wanted. The thought still creeps me out.

I have to agree with him I'm afraid. As a lady well female, I find it unattractive and unhygienic. Men it's all out there so different but I think on woman it's much more intimate and you have to get right up in there. I would not like hair there if it was the other way round. I like a shaven haven personally and so does my husband.
I swear by dermal emollient it's amazing and completely prevents irritation and shaving rash after. I apply it immediately after shaving and a couple times a day for a couple days after. It's moisturising too so peachy soft and smooth.

Tell him to rip his own pubic hair off!
Also he has been watching too much porn.

PS. He cannot be bothered to give you oral and he is using it as an excuse.

I'm in my 50s and is honestly only been in the past couple of years that I have discovered that women were removing their public hair.
I have ghastly memories of itchy regrowth from when i had my appendix out and really don't fancy suffering that again.
Have been married to DH for thirty years and am not particularly a fan of oral..... but DH has suggested a couple of times that he would prefer it if I was less hairy down there: sorry, but tough. I ain't doing it. And if he doesn't want to do oral then that is fine with me.

Personally, I think it's dreadful that young girls are being given the impression that being hair-free is in any way a "normal" part of being an adult woman. If pubic hair didn't serve a purpose we wouldn't have it!

Are you sure he hasn't expressed a slight preference that you're blowing up into a big deal? Sounds like you can talk to him. "Fancy visiting the rain forest?" You might get a nice surprise. Otherwise, bite his cock off.

I don't like public hair, male or female. I have my reasons for this and it's a pretty hard limit with me. I wouldn't give a man oral sex if had pubic hair because I know I would not enjoy it, and my enjoyment is just as important as the other persons.

I also think it's really important to respect his wishes - that doesn't mean you have to shave, wax, nairn or whatever, just appreciate that him giving you oral sex is off the cards.

So actually your OH has usually had a trimmed fanjo to tend to but you have decided to go au naturel, so he is just being honest, is that right?
It's the regrowth that causes the most itchiness, so you could go for a compromise. I hate hairs in my mouth and feel more comfortable if I know I'm not straggly hair free. So me and my OH trim the main hair but his balls and my undercarriage / lips are shaved and when they are shaved regularly they do not itch. We often do each others its much more fun less dangerous.

I don't understand the posts saying there is a gender disparity on this because of where the hair grows. Not sure how to say this delicately, so I'm just going to come out and say it - surely when you are giving oral properly to a guy, your mouth is right down at the end where the hair is anyway? And if we can get used to managing our gag reflexes to accomplish this feat of sword-swallowing, I would have thought it would be relatively easy for men to overcome a dislike of pubic hair in return?

Another one here in my 40s who had no idea this was a thing until I read it on MN. I do my bikini line when I am going swimming and that's bad enough, so itchy with ingrown hairs (and yes I have tried veet, shaving and waxing, no difference). I can't imagine how doing the whole lot would feel. I do have sensitive skin so maybe that's why. DH had never said it bothers him, and I was hairy when we met anyway (as were all my friends). But then he doesn't remove any body hair and I wouldn't like it if he did! I Love running my fingers through his chest hair

But I do agree it is personal choice, which is why it's so shocking to hear that teenage girls are being shamed into removing their pubic hair because of boys calling it dirty.

Caitlin Moran has a great chapter on body hair in 'How to be a Woman' - I like her description of 'finger-combing your Wookiee'

shove you dont have to swallow his cock to give a proper blow job, you do know that though don't you

Squirrels - moustache hair (on women) might serve a purpose but it's negligible! And funny you mention having your appendix out... they are proved to have no purpose!

Nanna - I do realise it's optional, of course!

I also have a very sensitive area and get a rash if I shave. I have tried hair removal creams but just seem to get in a state so gave up on that one. I use a Bikni trimmeŕ to keep it short. I do like having a wax done in a shop ( not the pain part of course but the look and feel after ) and waxing my self at home again I just got in a state. But getting a wax done every so offeren coats money.
My other half dosnt mind when I use the trimmer as like other's have said you don't get hairs on your mouth and plus side I don't get a rash and its not itchy when it re-grows. I have told my man before that if he wants me to go down there he needs to have a trim before. Let's face it when you first get together you let things like that go but like you say you man wants being mean just honest

Shove - I'm very impressed with you skills right now

I personally don't see an issue. I hate beards so my OH does not grow one ( they literally freak me out lol). He has the same views as OP's husband so I remove all ( Although I much prefer it too tbh). Marriage is about compromise ! He has given his preference not an ultimatum so I think that is fair.

Just wondering how much laser hair removal is as I have very sensitive skin generally

Shaving tip:

A hot bath with lots of bubbles and a very generous squirt of baby oil.

Shave with NM Nuage Shaving Oil:

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/282412978405?chn=ps&adgroupid=33676502101&rlsatarget=pla-271883427035&abcId=893836&adtype=pla&merchantid=7268114&poi=&googleloc=9045954&device=c&campaignid=707291931&crdt=0

It is actually a product for men, but it is brilliant.

I have been using it for over eight years, never an itch or a spot.

Good luck!

I also use it on my legs.

Shove - not to put too fine a point on it but... you can use your hand at the base at the same time, often to greater effect No gag reflex or sword swallowing skills required then!

YANBU...this is a major annoyance to me. Thankfully 'him indoors' does not mind my naturally occurring lady fluff...but every time he ventures down there, which is A LOT, he obviously doesn't mind... I feel so self conscious because I'm not trimmed (can't be arsed!). I hate that I am made to feel self conscious by a culture that values fully grown women being made into the image of pre-pubescent girls. If you think about it, it's a sick culture.