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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to share a pubic hair / sex life conundrum with you?!

237 replies

meladeso · 10/04/2017 14:01

Opinions gratefully received on this weird one. Massive over-share / TMI warning!

DH is massively awesome, lucky to have v happy marriage, v evenly matched in temperament and so on, and he's great with kids / house / etc. zero complaints from me on any front.

He's also very direct and honest, which I've got used to over the years, but sometimes it means he says things you might not want to hear! he never means it unkindly, but still...

So, a while back whilst having a frank chat about sex (and honestly, lack thereof since second DC arrived last summer) and a good laugh about how we need to get back on the horse more often, so to speak, etc etc. he came out with the confession that he found my pubic hair off putting in terms of oral sex.

We've never been at it like rabbits, but clearly used to be more than we are now. I am not very hairy really, and i do have the odd trim around bikini line etc. but I have v sensitive skin.

to shave regularly (which i did in younger days) leaves me itchy, sore and with an unattractive rash.
to wax is a faff, a bit unpleasant, and besides, surely if you do it regularly, you have a couple of weeks every few weeks where you've got loads of regrowth anyway, right?!

i had a comedy feminist rant back at him about pubic hair is natural, there for a reason, and so on (see Cameron Diaz for more on this Wink) and told him the above about it leaving me uncomfortable.

he sort of understood, but he also was a bit shoulder shrug, and basically saying he didn't enjoy it au naturel, so.....

not an ultimatum as such, but left me understanding that he wasn't likely to go down there unless it was well pruned.

i just don't know how to feel about it.

Part of me feels hurt and offended and frankly a bit cross that he wants me to do something i don't want to do to suit him. Let me be clear though - he has certainly not put it like that, nor mentioned it since. I bet he hasn't given it a second thought.

However, i also certainly don't want to think he finds it off putting and either try to make him do something he doesn't want to do, or just go without for the rest of our lives.
the thought of getting busy in some way with something that I found a turn off myself is awful, so why would i expect him to be any different?

OP posts:
Itaintme · 10/04/2017 23:09

I'm not sure how having an itchy rash after shaving makes things more sensitive but each to their own

Cleanermaidcook · 10/04/2017 23:16

Hair removal cream, no itching or rash. If you want to that is, doesn't sound like anyone is trying to force op into it. I find it more sensitive too FamilySpartan, glad to report I'm also not a paedophile (nor is dh who is also hairless) 😁

FairytalesAreBullshit · 10/04/2017 23:20

I was thinking that, like a beard trimmer, so you can keep it neat and tidy. DH thinks I don't like oral sex, it's just I prefer anything to be over and done with as I find it quite painful.

Each man has their preferences, some prefer it bushy, others trimmed, others bald.

Do you get much out of oral sex that you'd risk ingrowing hairs & rashes?

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 10/04/2017 23:24

I haven't RTFT but fuck off to any man who cannot handle a full bush. If he's not willing to have the same, that is a fully waxed or shaved area, then he can literally go and fuck himself. If you want to take it all off then go ahead but you should never feel ashamed of what nature gave you. If he can't handle it then he shouldn't have the privilege of being anywhere near your vulva Wink

Itaintme · 10/04/2017 23:27

Seems to me that keeping your man happy is the MN way even if it involves rashes,ingrowing hairs and burning cream .It's not a sexual preference, it's a man telling you what to do with your own body.

haveacupoftea · 10/04/2017 23:29

I would not put Veet near my fanny for any man Shock

Algebraic · 10/04/2017 23:29

I agree with PP about using beard trimmer or something similar. Then it's short and tidy. DH does his too. No one likes a mouthful of pubes.

5OBalesofHay · 10/04/2017 23:32

How does he tend to his? Take your cue from him

Itaintme · 10/04/2017 23:32

If a man can't handle a few pubes maybe he needs to grow up or go and have a wank.As long as he shaved his pubes off first.

FamilySpartan · 10/04/2017 23:33

Thanks for telling me how I feel, Itaintme. I clearly don't know my own mind and I would only ever do anything if a man asked me to.

For the record, my DH couldn't give a shiny shit if I grew it to my knees.

You say each to their own then proceed to tell everyone what to do.

Woomebaby · 10/04/2017 23:40

Haven't read the whole thread but I work as a cleaner and let me tell you I'm azmazed at how many pubes I find. I'm surprised some of my clients have any left because they get bloody everywhere

Kiroro · 10/04/2017 23:41

I'm not sure how having an itchy rash after shaving makes things more sensitive but each to their own

I don't get an itchy rash.

No rash or itch at all from shaving, soooooo much more convenient than going to a salon for a lycon wax. Takes like, 3 mins every 3 days or so.

I used to get ingrown hairs with waxing, which most people find better.

Andanothermakestwo · 10/04/2017 23:42

Itaintme, of course it's a sexual preference Hmm

I hate giving oral sex if a man is really hairy. I hate men being shaved too. I like a neat trim. That's my preference.

Itaintme · 10/04/2017 23:42

It's all that veeting. Woom.

Nellooo · 10/04/2017 23:57

@Iris65 have googled Fur Oil Confused

Always glad to find something else that women really don't need to worry about being packaged up as a "problem" and sold to us - apparently, now that it's 2017, our pubes are too hard and require softening.

SaintVera · 11/04/2017 00:01

When I was young, all women had bushes, a lot of leftie women had hairy armpits and the radical ones had hairy legs.

The fact that younger women now feel they have to be pretty much hairless, came as a big surprise to me and I felt sad for my daughter that we've ended up in this place where nature isn't good enough.

Bring Back the Bush!

HelenaDove · 11/04/2017 00:12

Thing is the OP has come out with this "confession" a while into the marriage so he has moved the goalposts.

Yet if the OP had put on weight for instance she would now be being told by posters that she was the one who has changed since getting married!!!

HelenaDove · 11/04/2017 00:13

Thing is the OPs DH has come out with this "confession" a while into the marriage so he has moved the goalposts.

Yet if the OP had put on weight for instance she would now be being told by posters that she was the one who has changed since getting married!!

Ojoj1974 · 11/04/2017 00:16

I use a Phillips bikini trimmer (aka the Strimmer!). It works brilliantly.
I'm a fraid that I'm not fond of a hairy bush!!!

HelenaDove · 11/04/2017 00:17

NHS says removing it carries greater health risks.

www.nhs.uk/news/2016/07July/Pages/Many-women-think-shaving-pubic-hair-is-hygienic.aspx

If they are right about obesity they must be right about this too.!!!!!!!!!!!!

LouisevilleLlama · 11/04/2017 00:18

But has he Helena? By the sounds of it OP was generally shaven/ short until after DC2 so maybe it was never an issue?

HelenaDove · 11/04/2017 00:19

This is one of the reasons why i have a preference for older men.

Less chance of them expecting this.

HelenaDove · 11/04/2017 00:19

The OP reads that way to me.

RubyBluesey · 11/04/2017 00:20

come on.... love me, love my pubes!

HelenaDove · 11/04/2017 00:24

YY Itaintme On the weight threads ppl seem happy to take NHS advice.

But when NHS advises against doing this its suddenly the elephant in the room.

Proof that people will believe what suits them.