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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to share a pubic hair / sex life conundrum with you?!

237 replies

meladeso · 10/04/2017 14:01

Opinions gratefully received on this weird one. Massive over-share / TMI warning!

DH is massively awesome, lucky to have v happy marriage, v evenly matched in temperament and so on, and he's great with kids / house / etc. zero complaints from me on any front.

He's also very direct and honest, which I've got used to over the years, but sometimes it means he says things you might not want to hear! he never means it unkindly, but still...

So, a while back whilst having a frank chat about sex (and honestly, lack thereof since second DC arrived last summer) and a good laugh about how we need to get back on the horse more often, so to speak, etc etc. he came out with the confession that he found my pubic hair off putting in terms of oral sex.

We've never been at it like rabbits, but clearly used to be more than we are now. I am not very hairy really, and i do have the odd trim around bikini line etc. but I have v sensitive skin.

to shave regularly (which i did in younger days) leaves me itchy, sore and with an unattractive rash.
to wax is a faff, a bit unpleasant, and besides, surely if you do it regularly, you have a couple of weeks every few weeks where you've got loads of regrowth anyway, right?!

i had a comedy feminist rant back at him about pubic hair is natural, there for a reason, and so on (see Cameron Diaz for more on this Wink) and told him the above about it leaving me uncomfortable.

he sort of understood, but he also was a bit shoulder shrug, and basically saying he didn't enjoy it au naturel, so.....

not an ultimatum as such, but left me understanding that he wasn't likely to go down there unless it was well pruned.

i just don't know how to feel about it.

Part of me feels hurt and offended and frankly a bit cross that he wants me to do something i don't want to do to suit him. Let me be clear though - he has certainly not put it like that, nor mentioned it since. I bet he hasn't given it a second thought.

However, i also certainly don't want to think he finds it off putting and either try to make him do something he doesn't want to do, or just go without for the rest of our lives.
the thought of getting busy in some way with something that I found a turn off myself is awful, so why would i expect him to be any different?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 14:39

I've never met a man with thick pubic hair all over his penis.

soupforbrains · 10/04/2017 14:40

OK so I have been drawn into this discussion purely by brightspark2's comment.

I also find nether region hair maintenance a total PITA. however I have never found veet sensative or any other variations of such cream to be ANY use AT ALL. They seem to almost pick and choose which hairs to get rid of and leave me with a thinned out but still largely unruly boosh...

I don't know.... maybe I just have extra resistant steel wool for pubes.... Blush

Allfednonedead · 10/04/2017 14:40

My DH has also said he doesn't like hairs in his mouth, which seems to me totally fair enough.
TBH, I don't do much about it, because I'm not very good at grooming and general feminine maintenance, but I do occasionally get waxed, or (more often) have a bit of a trim down there with the nail scissors.
He is essentially saying ' I want to go down on you but it sticks in my teeth. Could you sort it out so it is more mutually enjoyable?' That doesn't seem to me to be that big an ask.
If he was bothered by my hairy armpits or the fact that I can't be bothered to wear make-up, that's different - they don't directly affect him, while hairs betweeeb the teeth definitely do!

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 14:41

Most men would never shave there so why should women.

That's completely untrue about men, particularly the under 30s.

And at least it took longer than usual for someone to lower the tone with the 'pre-pubescent' rubbish again.

Removing hair because you don't want it in your face and all over your tongue during oral sex, has absolutely nothing to do with children.

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 14:44

To appear as a pre-pubescent girl is a distinctly odd modern fashion

I have never ever understood this viewpoint. I remove all my hair. I simply look like an adult woman who has removed all her hair. Nothing pre-pubescent about it.

No-one is being unreasonable in the OP. It's simply a case of personal
Preference

larrygrylls · 10/04/2017 14:46

Well, ahem, speaking as someone who has almost exclusively gone down on hairy women, there is nothing wrong with the odd hair. You are not actually eating it regardless of the lingo!

Shaving began in porn and then became regarded as the norm. It is in no sense cleaner.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 14:48

larry I'm assuming you're not the OP's husband though? Grin

Different strokes and all that.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 14:48

And the phrase 'different strokes' actually looks more pervy than necessary, given the thread subject...

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 14:48

It is in no sense cleaner

Not true for me. I suffer from dreadful periods now compounded by fibroids. It's categorically cleaner for me trying to deal with that fallout!

Moussemoose · 10/04/2017 14:49

It's a sexual preference.
You like what you like.

Olives anyone? Marmite? You don't have to justify what you like.

Moussemoose · 10/04/2017 14:49

Worra you pevertWink

larrygrylls · 10/04/2017 14:52

'You don't have to justify what you like'

Up to a point...if you state a preference, of course that is fine. On the other hand if you refuse to give pleasure to your partner unless she does something time consuming and potentially painful, it is pretty selfish.

Klaphat · 10/04/2017 14:52

I will never properly remove hair down there again due to ingrown hairs and infections, stubble, itching, etc., so I understand you OP. I trim with scissors when I can be bothered (which is generally when it gets long enough to feel physically annoying to me in clothing). I would trim short with scissors, or use one of these ladyshave things if that gives a similar result and is easier.

Hairs of a centimetre or less must be fine for avoiding 'hair in teeth' and the like. If that's not enough, I'd be inclined to think the ultimatum is actually 'go bald for my sexual fantasies' wrapped up in 'make this more comfortable for me', and I'd tell him oral wasn't worth it after all.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 14:52

YY you're talking about olives and Marmite and yet I'm the pervy one Shock

PollyPerky · 10/04/2017 14:53

Jacques you know that the medics say it's more hygienic and safer to leave hair where it's meant to be?

I know what you mean re. periods but no one presumably is going to go down on you when you are bleeding. If you want to stay clean during periods and you have hair, you just shower more often or have a quick wash a few times a day 'down there'.

Itaintme · 10/04/2017 14:56

Tough if he doesn't like pubic hair. Not a chance I would be uncomfortable for a bloke.

19lottie82 · 10/04/2017 14:56

Another vote here for a beard trimmer to keep it short, I use the 5mm setting, it only takes 30 seconds once a week.

You can buy "bikini trimmers" but IME beard trimmers are a lot better.

KingsCross88 · 10/04/2017 14:57

I've never heard of a woman with a hairy clit though? Or a hairy vagina. Couldn't he just move any errant vulva hairs out of the way?

I know there's the joke about pubes between the teeth that has been repeated on this thread, but I can't imagine what someone what be doing for that to actually happen...

PollyPerky · 10/04/2017 14:57

Being really blunt here, the bits they ought to be licking are not actually covered in hair. Someone said they have never seen a penis covered in thick hair. Well, I don't think clits or labia minor are covered in thick hair either.
Unless it's down to your knees and they have to fight their way in like through an overgrown bramble bush, what are they complaining about? Wusses, the lot of them :)

PollyPerky · 10/04/2017 14:57

xd posts Kings

Moussemoose · 10/04/2017 14:57

larrygrylls

Asking or expecting someone to do something they don't like is pretty selfish too.

Like I said I think black olives are yummy but I wouldn't put them in meal if I knew Worra was coming for a meal.

TheFifthKey · 10/04/2017 14:58

Polly, are you seriously telling another grown woman that what they find cleaner and nicer is wrong? If someone prefers dealing with their periods by removing their pubic hair, that's their choice, it's not up to you to tell them just to wash more often!

larrygrylls · 10/04/2017 14:59

Mousse,

The question is more if the black olives were already in, would you pick them out one by one if worra found them slightly distasteful.

PollyPerky · 10/04/2017 15:00

I think a good analogy is guys with beards. The beard might tickle your face a bit if you are kissing them but unless you are rubbing your tongue all over their face, the hair won't get in your mouth. No?

PollyPerky · 10/04/2017 15:02

Fifth they can do what they want. I'm reporting what has been said on the topic of what is safer re. hygiene from gynaecologists. And anyway this whole thread is about people's opinions on what they should and shouldn't do with their body hair so don't go getting on your high horse and this mock indignation stuff!