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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to share a pubic hair / sex life conundrum with you?!

237 replies

meladeso · 10/04/2017 14:01

Opinions gratefully received on this weird one. Massive over-share / TMI warning!

DH is massively awesome, lucky to have v happy marriage, v evenly matched in temperament and so on, and he's great with kids / house / etc. zero complaints from me on any front.

He's also very direct and honest, which I've got used to over the years, but sometimes it means he says things you might not want to hear! he never means it unkindly, but still...

So, a while back whilst having a frank chat about sex (and honestly, lack thereof since second DC arrived last summer) and a good laugh about how we need to get back on the horse more often, so to speak, etc etc. he came out with the confession that he found my pubic hair off putting in terms of oral sex.

We've never been at it like rabbits, but clearly used to be more than we are now. I am not very hairy really, and i do have the odd trim around bikini line etc. but I have v sensitive skin.

to shave regularly (which i did in younger days) leaves me itchy, sore and with an unattractive rash.
to wax is a faff, a bit unpleasant, and besides, surely if you do it regularly, you have a couple of weeks every few weeks where you've got loads of regrowth anyway, right?!

i had a comedy feminist rant back at him about pubic hair is natural, there for a reason, and so on (see Cameron Diaz for more on this Wink) and told him the above about it leaving me uncomfortable.

he sort of understood, but he also was a bit shoulder shrug, and basically saying he didn't enjoy it au naturel, so.....

not an ultimatum as such, but left me understanding that he wasn't likely to go down there unless it was well pruned.

i just don't know how to feel about it.

Part of me feels hurt and offended and frankly a bit cross that he wants me to do something i don't want to do to suit him. Let me be clear though - he has certainly not put it like that, nor mentioned it since. I bet he hasn't given it a second thought.

However, i also certainly don't want to think he finds it off putting and either try to make him do something he doesn't want to do, or just go without for the rest of our lives.
the thought of getting busy in some way with something that I found a turn off myself is awful, so why would i expect him to be any different?

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 10/04/2017 16:11

I do find it very strange the way being 'naked' has been absolutely normalised. It just wasn't a thing when I was younger. Men (including me) used to regard ourselves as lucky if allowed access at all, never mind demanding exactly how it was presented! Now it seems some guys are shaving too..what the actual f?!

The reality is that the hairs serve a purpose and, also, attract pheromones, which should be positively attractive. Sure, you occasionally get the odd hair in your mouth but, so what? As long as people wash, then pubic hair is perfectly clean. If you don't want to go down on someone because of a few hairs, you are really not that into sex!

sonlypuppyfat · 10/04/2017 16:12

I can never ever remember when I was young anyone talking about removing public hair, is it a new thing? I think it's really odd, and for men to do it, that's seriously fucking strange

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 16:12

I know owllady it's been this way for 8 years.

With hindsight it was the fibroids making me infertile. They never checked though when having infertility exams and that ship has sailed.

Thanks for being so nice x

LorLorr2 · 10/04/2017 16:16

Just dropping in as someone else with sensitive skin, to recommend Veet/hair removal cream!! My pubic area is an absolute nightmare to shave, and no way am I going to go to the price and pain of waxing for someone else. Hair removal cream has been brilliant for me. I don't itch after using it and the hair grows back soft, totally unlike shaving.

Owllady · 10/04/2017 16:17

I'm just angry on your behalf Jacques. I had all my treatment under the private hospital through the nhs, I'm not sure it's really worked as effectively as it could have as I have so many issues, but I'm hoping it might make things more manageable until I menopause.My GP was quite dismissive to begin with and I agree with you that 'women's problems' are belittled/ignored by alot of medical professionals.

LorLorr2 · 10/04/2017 16:21

sonlypuppyfat
Omg, it is so interesting to see different generations' points of view. As a 90s baby I have grown up with the expectation that a bush of pubic hair is 'dirty' or 'skanky' - words that both boys and girls at school used to describe it. Amongst my age group having a bush is considered odd and alternative or rebellious. I wish we were still living in a time where we didn't have to bother!!

LorLorr2 · 10/04/2017 16:22

*with the notion

Kiroro · 10/04/2017 16:30

DH gives me a trim with his head trimmer thing when I ask. It stays soft.

I read that as hedge trimmer :-)

Limitededition7inch · 10/04/2017 16:39

meladeso waxing isn't that faffy once you get used to it. Also, the more you do it, the less hair there is iyswim. I generally have it all off and can now go about 6 weeks between waxes. However you can have more of a strip with the same effect and just trimming the strip in between waxes.

But really, I do agree that it's a bit late to be having this conversation! Did he state a particular preference?

Katie0705 · 10/04/2017 16:53

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington

furry bum holes 🍩 GrinGrinGrin

amusedbush · 10/04/2017 16:53

As a 90s baby I have grown up with the expectation that a bush of pubic hair is 'dirty' or 'skanky'

I was born in 1990. I have a full bush.

I used to wax it all off until I realised that I don't actually like it bald. It also looks horrible and scraggy in between waxes. I've grown fond of my pubes, like a little pet Grin

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 16:54

I find the male body with hair in its natural state appealing/arousing. I wouldn't like to see a hair free man at all. My DH feels the same about my hairy bits. I wax what might escape my knickers or bikini and that's it. I also have teenage girls and part of my dislike of this new trend stems from my 16 yr old telling me she had to shave it off because boys at school talk about girls pubic hair as disgusting. This makes me so angry. She isn't even in a relationship but she had been made to feel dirty and unacceptable. Can't wait for this fashion to turn, it will but when is debatable.

Crunchyside · 10/04/2017 17:03

I don't think what he's said is problematic, it's not putting him off all sex, just oral, which is fair enough. If a man came and posted on MN complaining that his wife wouldn't give him blowjobs unless he shaved, I don't think he'd get any sympathy! You are definitely not obliged to shave though... I'd rather not bother shaving and go without oral sex tbh!

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 17:05

Chance of regular sex would be nice in a house of teenagers! Do they ever sleep????

Pavonia · 10/04/2017 17:08

Can anyone recommend a trimmer? (male and model if possible)

Katie0705 · 10/04/2017 17:09

I have very sensitive skin, and have found Veet OK. The secret is not to rub it in to the skin or be over zealous when rinsing off. I used Immac once, and never again. My fanny felt like it was on fire and needed the fire brigade to put out the flames Grin. I was also left with burns for about three weeks...fuck, it was agony!!

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 17:09

Ha ha ha pavonia you need a male model to trim you???

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 17:12

I also have teenage girls and part of my dislike of this new trend stems from my 16 yr old telling me she had to shave it off because boys at school talk about girls pubic hair as disgusting

That's absolutely dreadful.

Re: your point about fashion - for me it absolutely isn't so will be continuing to get it done until hopefully it stops growing back! I actually have no clue what my partner feels about it - I started getting waxed about 18 months into the relationship and he hasn't said anything either way so Smile

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 17:15

Unfortunately it's a view held by lots of teenagers at the moment. there have always been and always will be, those who choose to remove all pubic hair but I think there are many more others who do because it's a fashion or they feel obliged to.

Iamastonished · 10/04/2017 17:23

Interestingly, I went to see Russel Howard last week, and he had a massive rant about this, saying that removing it was unnatural and that too many young men expect women to be completely hairless below their necks because they watch too much porn.

He ended up by saying that women shouldn't feel pressured to remove their hair and men should accept them the way they are.

millifiori · 10/04/2017 17:23

Use conditioner before shaving. Stops the itching. Don't know why, just does.

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 17:26

Good on Russell Howard! Suddenly find him more attractive! Shock

darceybussell · 10/04/2017 17:36

I get a rash and ingrown hairs too so I had laser hair removal on anything that would show when I was wearing a bikini. Then I trim the rest of it either with scissors or a beard trimmer. Seems to work.

Moussemoose · 10/04/2017 17:42

I saw Russell as wellGrin he was ace. He also mentioned porn as being a negative influence and was concerned about self harm. AND he was funny.

Iamastonished · 10/04/2017 18:06

Was it in Sheffield Mousse?

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