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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to share a pubic hair / sex life conundrum with you?!

237 replies

meladeso · 10/04/2017 14:01

Opinions gratefully received on this weird one. Massive over-share / TMI warning!

DH is massively awesome, lucky to have v happy marriage, v evenly matched in temperament and so on, and he's great with kids / house / etc. zero complaints from me on any front.

He's also very direct and honest, which I've got used to over the years, but sometimes it means he says things you might not want to hear! he never means it unkindly, but still...

So, a while back whilst having a frank chat about sex (and honestly, lack thereof since second DC arrived last summer) and a good laugh about how we need to get back on the horse more often, so to speak, etc etc. he came out with the confession that he found my pubic hair off putting in terms of oral sex.

We've never been at it like rabbits, but clearly used to be more than we are now. I am not very hairy really, and i do have the odd trim around bikini line etc. but I have v sensitive skin.

to shave regularly (which i did in younger days) leaves me itchy, sore and with an unattractive rash.
to wax is a faff, a bit unpleasant, and besides, surely if you do it regularly, you have a couple of weeks every few weeks where you've got loads of regrowth anyway, right?!

i had a comedy feminist rant back at him about pubic hair is natural, there for a reason, and so on (see Cameron Diaz for more on this Wink) and told him the above about it leaving me uncomfortable.

he sort of understood, but he also was a bit shoulder shrug, and basically saying he didn't enjoy it au naturel, so.....

not an ultimatum as such, but left me understanding that he wasn't likely to go down there unless it was well pruned.

i just don't know how to feel about it.

Part of me feels hurt and offended and frankly a bit cross that he wants me to do something i don't want to do to suit him. Let me be clear though - he has certainly not put it like that, nor mentioned it since. I bet he hasn't given it a second thought.

However, i also certainly don't want to think he finds it off putting and either try to make him do something he doesn't want to do, or just go without for the rest of our lives.
the thought of getting busy in some way with something that I found a turn off myself is awful, so why would i expect him to be any different?

OP posts:
BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 10/04/2017 15:29

Licked not kicked! Definitely don't kick the furry bits

FamilySpartan · 10/04/2017 15:29

I think if men had hairy penises, very few of our partners would be getting blowjobs.

A mouthful of hair strikes me as being unpleasant. I don't blame your DH for his comments.

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 15:29

Not really your call but there's nothing disgusting about female genitalia
??? Didn't say there was but I don't want to touch a strangers intimate body parts thanks!

FerdinandsRevenge · 10/04/2017 15:30

I bet a lot of them started doing it when it was just waxing the sides, bikin line stuff. Never thinking they'd be staring up someone's bum hole. Female genitalia isn't disgusting but I'd still prefer to not have to other humans genitalia for a living

MerryMarigold · 10/04/2017 15:30

Why don't you wax every 4 months and have oral sex for 3 weeks till it starts growing back? That's more than I've had in 13 years of marriage (don't really like it though).

I don't think the waxing is painful to grow back, but certainly is to get it out.

Laiste · 10/04/2017 15:31

I get pubes in my teeth occasionally when going down on DH. No he hasn't got an actual hairy cock, but it happens anyway, so pubes in the mouth is not a myth.

When DH is down on me of course he isn't actively sucking and licking at my lulva, but his nose (which is pretty large) rubs around there a lot while he's at the deed. On the rare occasions when i'm a bit hairy (heavily preg and haven't been able to shave) he finds it tickly and distracting. He likes me shaved, I recon i'd get less tounge action if i didn't. I shave anyway as i like to.

Re: cleanliness - personally i find it easier to keep clean while hairless, especially while on my period.

Re: would i want DH to shave and would he do it for me? No i wouldn't want him to, but i know he would, because he's offered.

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 15:31

??? Didn't say there was but I don't want to touch a strangers intimate body parts thanks!*

Have you ever had a Hollywood? The therapist don't touch ANY of your "intimate body parts".

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 15:32

They have to look though!

Owllady · 10/04/2017 15:32

My beauticians ASK for references for men before intimate waxing...

Jacques, that's rubbish. I don't know how old you are and if you want to keep your fertility but they do offer treatment for menorrhagia and fibroids if they affect your life, as they do yours.

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 15:33

They have to look though

You said the problem was touching....I tell you there isn't touching. NOW the issue is looking.

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 15:33

Well both looking and touching is very personal when dealing with a stranger I'd say!

Purplebluebird · 10/04/2017 15:35

Neither are unreasonable. Personally I don't like receiving oral if I have hair, where as my other half has no preference (that he has voiced anyway). So I get rid of it for myself only. I use hair removal cream on the not so sensitive parts, and trim with electric trimmer (the ones on the other side of a razor) the rest. Seems to do the job well enough for me! No itching or rashes or anything.

FerdinandsRevenge · 10/04/2017 15:37

the skin needs to be held taught and I'd call using a lolly stick to apply wax touching. It's a pretty intimate situation

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 15:39

I have had a bikini wax in a salon(just the bikini line) and I cold wax the same areas at home and I have to hold my skin taut as did the beautician. It was when she asked me to bring my knee to my chest to do underneath that really put me off and I've done it at home ever since.

Batghee · 10/04/2017 15:39

i have very sensitive skin and cant shave or wax. I just keep it very very short with a trimmer. You can buy them from boots and they dont irritate the skin!
I do it once every two weeks really short and then let it grow out slightly before doing it again. That way its never untidy but doesnt really take up much of my time to keep neat.
Bonus of just trimming is that you never have stubble and its always soft.

Giddyaunt18 · 10/04/2017 15:40

Batghee Can you not get the same effect with a scissors?

Flyinggeese · 10/04/2017 15:49

I've read the OP a couple of times and am not 100% clear what is being asked. OP you say you don't know how to feel about it. Nobody can tell you how to feel, but as many other posters have said I'd agree your husband is entitled to feel as he does, and you are entitled to carry on not removing hair fully. It may well mean no oral for you so that's for you to weigh up. Nobody is in the wrong IMO.

sweetheart · 10/04/2017 15:50

Veet is the answer to all your problems Grin

PinkDaffodil2 · 10/04/2017 15:50

Neither of you are being unreasonable, but trimming fairly short could be a good compromise?

Wallywobbles · 10/04/2017 15:54

DH gives me a trim with his head trimmer thing when I ask. It stays soft.

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 16:03

the skin needs to be held taught and I'd call using a lolly stick to apply wax touching. It's a pretty intimate situation

Yeah. But it's my hands that do the skin being held taught. Not the therapists

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 16:03

Taut. Sheesh

JacquesHammer · 10/04/2017 16:06

Jacques, that's rubbish. I don't know how old you are and if you want to keep your fertility but they do offer treatment for menorrhagia and fibroids if they affect your life, as they do yours.

I know it totally sucks. I am completely stymied by being infertile and singleish.

I asked to be sterilised and have been refused.

The treatment for heavy periods was mini pill which I pretty much bled constantly on. Have changed to another pill which is better in that I seem to have normalish cycles. It doesn't however stop the heavy bleeding.

Basically if it's a problem relating to female health our local health trust don't give the shiniest of shits.

amusedbush · 10/04/2017 16:09

Veet is the answer to all your problems Grin

Veet burns like hell fire. Nope!

Owllady · 10/04/2017 16:10

That's terrible Jacques :( it's so debilitating

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