To ask what earnings you would recommend for this lifestyle?

[Howmuch3]

Hello everyone,

I have namechanged as I am writing this with relatives here and don't want my usual name known.

We are currently on holiday with not much to do at this hour, so have been discussing about how expensive life seems to be becoming and it led to a conversation about earnings before children.

Long story short, I want to ask you ; how much do you think a couple in the South East should be earning before they have 2 children?

The lifestyle said couple would want for their family is ;
2 foreign holidays a year (1 big - e.g Mexico and 1 small - e.g Cyprus)
2 cars
4 bed house (average price is £300k )
Childcare for 2 kids
Activities/school trips for kids
Disposable income for the parents
Savings

If you have this sort of lifestyle(or better !) or know those who do, please let me know what you recommend. Also, would you delay having kids to reach that figure? Financial security for myself and my kids is very important.

Thank you

We do those things our income is +150k with three kids, no childcare but one at uni in the south. We live in the north but other than housing I'm not sure it makes a massive difference. State education for all children. We started down the private route but changed our mind for many reasons but that's probably a different post!
When our first was born we earned 30k between us and our careers and lifestyle have grown with and around our children if we had waited until we had that level of income I would have been 40ish having my first

Cannot understand why people with young kids are so negative regarding foreign holidays. Have taken my two abroad since they were babies. They play on the beach/in the pool all day. My idea of hell is trying to entertain them during a wet week in the UK!

My first house cost £2000 just outside London. We cruised around the Med for £49 each. I earned about £1000 a year. That was 45 years ago. Later we went on to have 2 holidays abroad a year then 2 children with my spouse at home. Later I earned £1000 a week taxed at 50% plus NI. One child left University with a 2:1. The other moved to Wales and has a child. Live well.

Foreign holidays with kids are fine. However, if all you are planning to do on holiday is sit by the beach and pool all day, why spend lots of money on longhaul flights to the caribbean to do it, when you can have the same closer to home? From experience, vomiting, ill children on the other side of the world from home are not much fun, nor are hospitals on idyllic, tropical islands. If you actually need to go a very long way from home for the activities you want, then go for it, but don't expect a Caribbean beach with babies and small children to be hugely more relaxing than a southern European beach, or even a Cornish beach on a hot summer's day.

We have all of this except the childcare, husband works four days and one from home (earns £75k+ bonuses) and I work 1 day (about £3k 😂) At least 2 holidays per year, one long haul to visit family, 2 cars, a fair amount of savings and a £300 house in the south east (3 bedroom though, not 4!) We didn't have most of this before I fell pregnant with DS1 though, who's now 3.5, I would never wait, you never know how long these things might take, I'd take my beautiful children over the luxurys any day!

*A £300k house not £300, not sure where I'd find one of those!!

I have a friend who (approaching mid 30's) goes on multiple holidays, lives in a far too expensive property to rent per month (for the area) and wants basically to be finacially stable and settled before having kids. I doubt she's going to unless it's unplanned as that will never happen.

Unless you're millionaires I don't think anyone thinks they "have enough" money to have kids (do they?). You have them and you make do and give your best, and your situation changes. Don't wait till you have "the lifestyle". Have your kids and build the lifestyle with them, it will change when they come along anyway.

It's all a matter of priorities really - you can run 2 older / basic cars for the same as one new one, you just have to decide if having a new shiny car is important to you. The same goes for how you spend you money in general - designer labels and leading brands all the way or own brand / high street.
Having children means change, your priorities change, a holiday will have to suit the family not just the adults.
We live in a cheaper area, have a three bedroom house with a small mortgage, run 2 cars, one main 2 week holiday abroad every year plus a few weekends away in the UK. We have 2 dc - one is disabled, I don't work as I am a carer, I claim carers allowance and DH earns less than the average 26K - we get tax credits and dc gets dla.
However much you plan for having children there will be surprises along the way, I didn't plan to be a full time carer to my dc but I wouldn't change my life. The important thing is having a loving home, fancy holidays and things are not important in the end.

I suggest a re think of your criteria for having children and decide whether you really do want the huge lifestyle change they will undoubtedly bring, financially secure or not.
You could be earning your optimum lifestyle salary, have the kids and perfect life then e.g. one of you may loose their job, get really ill, have an affair, leave the relationship, your child may have a disability etc.
All these things could realistically get in the way of your lifestyle no matter how meticulously you plan and financial security can be transient. It's sensible to plan for the future but you are being very naive to think you will be able to happily parent children without having flexible expectations.

It depends on what you do I guess. My friend now lives in the South East (expensivish part) and has just had her baby.
She did wait until she had finished her training and got a job (35 years old I think) and she must be on at least 100k as a full time worker... her husband I think is a GP also in the South East and also just bought a house. She will probably return to work part time though so will effect her salary I guess. She is also into nice foreign holidays. At 35 it would still not be too late for number two realistically.

I guess yes some women do prefer to wait and she had no issues afaik with conceiving. It's not always a good idea though as everyone's circumstances are different.

• lose not loose

If you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them. Also your priorities will change - in ways you wouldn't even think.

I have two little ones and I have done loads of travel with them, as we are originally from Australia so we travel back there a bit and try and make the most of our time here. But my priorities about the importance of my work have changed. My mum was a bit of workoholic so I dont want to be like that for my own children. Also I used to love shopping. Now I love shopping for my little ones!

I think as long as you are financially secure in a sense just go for it and the rest will fall into place! Promise!

The longer you wait, the chances are the more your income will rise, and the pricier your list of "essentials" will become.

If you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them.

Agree with this ^^

Also, all the planning in the world cannot control how things turn out. I waited until "the right time", when I had a good income level (£90k + bonus) with the "right partner" (on a similar income). So, it should have been plain sailing, right? Except our son is severely autistic and the home therapy program he has needed for the past 3.5 years cost £3k/month. Plus he needed a nanny (another £2k) as nursery was out of the question (he could not cope with other children). So much for careful budget planning! The high demands and constant travel associated with my job were damaging to our son, so I volunteered for redundancy when the company I was working for offered them 18 months ago. We have since used our savings to keep up with the therapy and mortgage payments. He is finally ready for school so once he is settled I can think about rebuilding my career - doing something very different as my former job is simply no longer possible. My point is that you need to go for it when you feel the time is right for you as a person and a couple. It is impossible to map out the perfect life plan as twists and turns will always surprise you and you can so easily find yourself in a place far away from where you thought you'd be. (It can be a good place - I would not change my amazing, brave, little one for the world and I am a better, more authentic person thanks to him!).

Well this thread is depressing!
Life is too short (and precious) to be so calculated about everything. Have children, of you want to, and hopefully they will make you see that holidays and cars don't matter. You should be living (and enjoying life) within your means, not waiting until you can earn enough to live the life you want.

The other thing is are you already on the housing ladder op? Because if not this is something you need to consider soon, because deposits are high and it can take a bit of saving.

The other thing really is life seldom works out as planned. It would be nice to be able to say in x years we will earn x but life sometimes gets in the way,

The trick is always have at least two streams of income per person.

So either buy two small houses and rent one out, or lodgers, lots of tax free investments, an online business.

Take a look at this book by Bruce Tulgan: "Work This Way".
www.amazon.co.uk/Work-This-Way-Designed-Workplace/dp/0788195352?tag=mumsnetforum-21

It is even more relevant today that when he wrote it in 1998.

Being central to and active within your community is important with children as it helps with childcare, building a busy social life, and knowing the right people helps with any problem.Doing things and solving problems with friends and acquaintances saves you buckets of money.

Also consider backpacking with children. They love it, it is not as awful as it sounds and it means you can still do those biggies to South America and Asia. Plus you get a more authentic experience and get to meet the locals, which is the difference between a "holiday" and "travelling."

My brood still talk about a Berber family we met in the Atlas mountains who cooked us an amazing meal using a sand oven!

We slept in a tent - much more fun than staying in yet another boring Four Seasons or Marriot and eating food that looks like an installation at the Tate Modern.

Lastly remember what Churchill said about managing a war - never invite the Treasury to meetings - If you worked out how much family life costs you would hide under the bed and never do it!

Things just work themselves out, so don't "over-think" the financial side, just do what you can and enjoy your efforts.

For example one Easter we were so up against it we couldn't afford Easter eggs for the kids, so I invented Easter Porridge: porridge with milk, a good splosh of cream and grated chocolate on top!

We spent 60p on chocolate and it has become a unique family tradition that we still uphold to this day. I wouldn't have come up with that if I'd had a £20 per head Easter egg budget.

Today 12:26 BunsyGirl

Cannot understand why people with young kids are so negative regarding foreign holidays. Have taken my two abroad since they were babies. They play on the beach/in the pool all day. My idea of hell is trying to entertain them during a wet week in the UK!

Agree with this.
Funny about the drinking wine from the bathroom glasses or hotel mugs. Never sat in the bathroom though or corridor. Just simply stayed in the room.
Dd was fine to be up a little later on holiday though. She also flew long distance without fuss too as we went to USA quite a lot as that's where her Dad is from.
Beach holidays are not relaxing at all with a toddler but then I too get bored sitting all day.

Before I split with my partner we had a similar lifestyle but with one child and a lot less money. The main costs seem to be childcare and mortgage. My parents did the childcare for us. Where I live we had a 3 bed semi for £150k near good schools.

We easily afforded several holidays a year, eating out etc. We were on 46k joint.

I am now a single parent and all that has gone now and I am restating. So you just never know what will happen.

On thing I never will regret is my beautiful little girl.

I don't think the issue is the foreign holidays, it's that if you go somewhere hot, the difference between a beach and pool in Majorca and a beach and pool in the Caribbean is going to minimal. The difference will be in the price and the sitting on a plane for double the time with two toddlers. I have only been adults only to the Caribbean, but would assume there would be more facilities for children and more ready access to medical treatment in Spain than the Caribbean too.
Having said that, my DS2 is obsessed with caravans. His favourite holidays have been to caravan parks with an indoor pool . Even then, we have to force him out of the caravan to go anywhere, and 2 hours after we get there, he's asking when we can go back to the caravan! I'd rather be on a foreign holiday though

Also, as you are in your early 20's if you want the holidays etc, do them now! Go where you want to go and see what you want to see. Unless you have clear fertility problems, you have plenty of time. Just because a relative thinks you should be having babies, doesnt mean you need to do it yet!

Riversleep

I agree with the Caribbean but sometimes going a little further afield has its advantages. Dubai in the winter is fab. Not only is the temperature great, being four hours in front of UK time means that the kids will stay up until midnight and not get up until 10.00am!

I have only read 2 pages of this thread. But want to say where in the SE are you? We managed two foreign holidays, 2 cars, 4 bed house and 2 FT childcare with £90k. You need to look further from London. The main cost will be the house and you need somewhere cheaper. You can get a 4 bed for £400k where I am and the school catchment is very good.

Oh god, just dive in! We plan, god laughs. I had a whirlwind and completely unexpected engagement and pregnancy at the age of 30 while my friends were planning and progressing. 14 years of staying at home (and a tiny bit of freelancing) and three children later, we are all roughly in the same place comfort-wise bar those who left it too late and couldn't have children due to fertility issues.
Having children throws the cards into the air- think of that as liberating rather than lifestyle-cramping.

Maireadplastic has said it perfectly.