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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what earnings you would recommend for this lifestyle?

225 replies

Howmuch3 · 10/04/2017 00:31

Hello everyone,

I have namechanged as I am writing this with relatives here and don't want my usual name known.

We are currently on holiday with not much to do at this hour, so have been discussing about how expensive life seems to be becoming and it led to a conversation about earnings before children.

Long story short, I want to ask you ; how much do you think a couple in the South East should be earning before they have 2 children?

The lifestyle said couple would want for their family is ;
2 foreign holidays a year (1 big - e.g Mexico and 1 small - e.g Cyprus)
2 cars
4 bed house (average price is £300k )
Childcare for 2 kids
Activities/school trips for kids
Disposable income for the parents
Savings

If you have this sort of lifestyle(or better !) or know those who do, please let me know what you recommend. Also, would you delay having kids to reach that figure? Financial security for myself and my kids is very important.

Thank you

OP posts:
scaredofthecity · 10/04/2017 08:45

We live in the SE with a combined wage of about 40k and we get along just fine. Quite frankly I think 120k is ludicrous and unobtainable for many.
We prioritised children over our careers for the moment, but as others have said the idea of big holidays with young kids is a big waste of money.
We are both young and have no way reached our earning potential, I am hoping this can only go up as DS gets older (is 2) and after we've had another.
No way would I put off ttc until reaching an specified number. Kids are so rewarding ad awesome, lifestyle just has to go on hold for a while.

MGFM · 10/04/2017 08:45

We have a 4 bed house in the southeast which we paid 300k for. It needed a bit of cosmetic work so was a bit cheaper and the area is nice. 1 hour commute to London on train.

We have 2 cars. One family car bought bought brand new 3 years ago and one 5 year old run around.

We have two children and will soon (when I return from mat leave) have two in full time childcare.

We do lunch out a few times a month and probably a few trips to Costa coffee a month. I don't really have disposable income to go clothes shopping at the mlment or for the foreseeable future but if one of us desperately needed something new then we could stretch to it.

We can't quite afford two foreign holidays a year. We are doing euro camp this year and a week in Cornwall. It will probably be these types of hols up until they are in school.

I think it is expected to be a bit broke at this stage of life.

I earn 50k and my husband is in 46k.

If we never ate out then we might be able to stretch to another foreign holiday.

Childcare and mortgage take one while salary.

timeforabrewnow · 10/04/2017 08:47

*Wait until you and your DH are crammed into a hotel bathroom drinking wine out of the tooth glasses because it's 8pm and your kids need to be in bed! See how keen you are on two holidays a year after that wink

Also, your post suggests that you're expecting to get singletons, NT children, children with no disabilities...

You can't plan for what a child will do to your life, and you can't put a price on the happiness they bring*

Sorry OP - but they speak the truth.

'Shit happens'

but I think other posters have worded it more politely and eloquently.

Or to quote John Lennon ' Life is what happens when you're making other plans' (or something, probably have that one wrong too)

ElspethFlashman · 10/04/2017 08:48

I just can't get over you thinking that you're going to have two foreign holidays a year when you have kids.

No you're bloody not!

welshweasel · 10/04/2017 08:49

Childcare for one child is almost £1000 a month here (east mids). With those expectations I'd say £150k would be realistic. We definitely have at least two holidays abroad per year, that didn't stop due to having kids, in fact we still do pretty much everything that we did before. Money helps facilitate that though, without a doubt.

Philoslothy · 10/04/2017 08:52

I just can't get over you thinking that you're going to have two foreign holidays a year when you have kids.

No you're bloody not!

Why not?

FumBluff1 · 10/04/2017 08:54

Agree with the 300k 4 bed comment, in warwickshire you would struggle to get a 4 bed for that, let alone in the south east!

I would say 100k a year roughly.

Okite · 10/04/2017 08:54

*I just can't get over you thinking that you're going to have two foreign holidays a year when you have kids.

No you're bloody not!*

So agree with this! We used to do three or more foreign trips a year right up until the first baby arrived. Now I don't even have a valid passport because I haven't left the country in 10 years! 😩

MGFM · 10/04/2017 08:55

If you wanted two hotel type foreign holidays a year then I would say an additional 10-15k a year on top of our salary would do it

ElspethFlashman · 10/04/2017 08:56

Cos it's no fun that's why! The naptimes alone.....if you want to spend a lot of money to see the inside of a Mexican hotel restaurant, crack on!

user1485166754 · 10/04/2017 08:57

we do all of those things and have a combined income of just over £100k. 2 cars 400k house and 2 - 3 holidays per year and manage just fine.

Rinkydinkypink · 10/04/2017 08:58

Depends on the quality of it all. 70k would probably do it but you'd have to compromise.

Dh earns 45k and we have the 4bed house, 2 cars but once childcare and holidays are needed then it's definitely another 40k plus.

Childcare will be your biggest outgoing! You looking at thousands a months for 2 nursery places!

Rinkydinkypink · 10/04/2017 09:00

I think your being slightly unrealistic thinking you can do all this with 2 children as well. Foreign holidays with kids aren't all they seem to be. It's lots of hot, tired, hungry, soggy and sandy days.

JaxingJump · 10/04/2017 09:01

I'd say £150k

Runningissimple · 10/04/2017 09:03

That said, we were living on a joint income of £150k with 3 kids. It was pretty cushty - not insanely affluent but very comfortable.
Husband left and now with maintenance payments, I'm on equivalent of £90,000 (approx with child maintenance payments) and it's tighter but still manageable.

MargaretCavendish · 10/04/2017 09:05

Personally I agree with pp that 400k for a 4 bed in the SE would probably be in an area you wouldn't want to live in

There are plenty of nice enough bits of Kent and Essex where you could buy a house for less than that. Maybe you wouldn't want to live there, but lots of people do very happily! I just did a search for four bed houses for under £300k in Colchester, which I happen to know a bit, and of the 32 results plenty of them are in nice, quiet bits of the town: www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?locationIdentifier=REGION%5E347&maxBedrooms=4&minBedrooms=4&maxPrice=300000&includeSSTC=false

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 10/04/2017 09:10

Places in Kent you could get a 4 bed for that but anyway, we've pretty much got the life you describe but including large dogs (which is a not inconsiderable amount in the budget!) and salary varies between 155-200k depending on bonuses. Can't pretend it's not a pleasant comfortable life BUT the huge downside is we hardly see DH - works abroad a lot - maybe six-eight weeks between visits. I do feel it's all a bit precarious and living somewhere other than SE would very much help.

PatSajack · 10/04/2017 09:12

OP we have the lifestyle you describe but honestly I wish we'd had kids earlier. We are staring down 40 with young children and it's bloody exhausting to balance work, family, and now our own parents are aging and dying. It'a heartbreaking that our children won't know their grandparents, and frankly we would have loved to have had the support our parents would have provided us when they were younger and more able. Now we are caring for, and gradually losing, them. And frankly we just don't have the stamina we had 10 years ago. Even those lovely foreign holidays are physically draining when you add little kids into the mix. I love my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything but I think it would have been easier and maybe more fun if we'd done it earlier. We would have had less money in the short term but we still would have been OK, and kids don't notice or care about that stuff anyway. Then by the time we were in our late 40s the kids would be grown and we would be able to focus on careers, investing, and enjoying the lifestyle we had built.

Bantsaredown · 10/04/2017 09:13

I just want to know where all these jobs are that could earn me £70K??

Joint income of around £36K here, no childcare costs, 1 car, 1 holiday a year. Eat out all the time, can afford treats often.
If I'd waited until we were earning £150k we never have had children. Those jobs are not even feasible for us....

BeaderBird · 10/04/2017 09:13

Monkeywithacowface, how is that possible? Do you have no mortgage?

I earn over 60k a year and with a mortgage, car payment, 17k loan to pay back I have nothing left at the end of the month and I don't live like a queen by any means!

Philoslothy · 10/04/2017 09:15

As soon as we could afford it ( so between child 3 and child 6) we have always had at least two foreign holidays a year as well as UK holidays and always enjoyed them. I can't think of anyone in RL view who shares the MN view that holidays with children are hell.

Dishwashersaurous · 10/04/2017 09:15

Holidays are the tricky things to fund for most people with small children. Everyone I know has found a way of managing the mortgage, commuting costs, childcare costs and day to day living costs but not a lot spare.

This applies to stay at home mums and people with live in nannies.

It's because it's spare empty money.

For two big foreign holidays assume £1k short haul. £2k long haul. Perhaps person. So a thousand pounds a month left after paid for everything else.

So work out your living costs and see.

But to reiterate fertility isn't in your control. You may get pregnant when you want, twice. Or you may not. You may put everything in place and children do not happen for you.

You are clearly not ready yet which is fine.

And indeed you don't have to have children

BoredOnMatLeave · 10/04/2017 09:16

Your family's expectations are unrealistic. Me and DP earn about £60k, we just about managed the 2 holidays before DD and we certainly don't have a 4 bed house. £120k is about right I would say. I wouldn't delay having children though, if anything its good for your children to grow up seeing how when you work hard you get more rewards.

LumelaMme · 10/04/2017 09:17

4 bed for 300k is unrealistic in the SE. You're looking more at 450-500k as a minimum and similar.

It depends what you means by SE. As PP have said, it can be done in parts of Kent and Essex:
Clacton
Colchester with five beds

Also, how much fun a holiday is depends less on where you go than on who you go with and what you do. We've had brilliant family holidays in tents in places like France and Dorset...

splendide · 10/04/2017 09:20

We live in the SE - joint income about 90k (nearly all me). Going through your list:

2 foreign holidays a year (1 big - e.g Mexico and 1 small - e.g Cyprus)

We don't do this - probably spend about 1k a year on holidays usually. This year it's 4 nights in UK. This is mostly because we don't want to though, could spend a bit more.

2 cars

We have one cheap car.

4 bed house (average price is £300k )

We have a three bedroom worth about £700k but our mortgage is £200k (bought at a lucky time).

Childcare for 2 kids

One child in nursery 2 days a week = 9k a year.

Activities/school trips for kids

Lots of activities, don't really limit this at all. So I'll regularly take the 2 year old to the zoo whatever, spend lots on eating out with him. No school yet but I would have thought we'd do most things. Maybe not a 5k China trip or similar.

Disposable income for the parents

Quite a lot, feel like I spend whatever I like really but then I've always been fairly restrained.

Savings

Loads.