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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what earnings you would recommend for this lifestyle?

225 replies

Howmuch3 · 10/04/2017 00:31

Hello everyone,

I have namechanged as I am writing this with relatives here and don't want my usual name known.

We are currently on holiday with not much to do at this hour, so have been discussing about how expensive life seems to be becoming and it led to a conversation about earnings before children.

Long story short, I want to ask you ; how much do you think a couple in the South East should be earning before they have 2 children?

The lifestyle said couple would want for their family is ;
2 foreign holidays a year (1 big - e.g Mexico and 1 small - e.g Cyprus)
2 cars
4 bed house (average price is £300k )
Childcare for 2 kids
Activities/school trips for kids
Disposable income for the parents
Savings

If you have this sort of lifestyle(or better !) or know those who do, please let me know what you recommend. Also, would you delay having kids to reach that figure? Financial security for myself and my kids is very important.

Thank you

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 10/04/2017 01:28

p.s.

The Daily Mail are a bunch of cunts.

Orlandointhewilderness · 10/04/2017 01:29

EXACTLY what thecat said. When you have children, you realise exactly what matters in life. And it ain't a holiday to Mexico.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/04/2017 01:31

I'd also dump the 2 foreign holidays a year, especially for the first couple of years post-children - really not worth it!
Manage your expectations - things WILL be different after having children so it's important to be flexible in your thinking.
To have everything you want, I'd say aim for the £150k pa because you never know when interest rates will go up. But save save save all you can now - maybe cut down on your expensive holidays! - then you will have back up and also more money for a house deposit, which will obviously cut down on your mortgage expenditure.

thecatfromjapan · 10/04/2017 01:31

Oh dear. Is this a fishing trip on the good ship 'Daily Hate'?

thecatfromjapan · 10/04/2017 01:32

I love the campaign: 'Stop Funding Hate.'

Original poster
Howmuch3 · 10/04/2017 01:33

piglet what did the daily mail do? I agree about people who spend what hey don't have and I couldn't sleep at night. Which is why I want to earn the money before I have kids (and the related expenses).

thecat your post made us all laugh. I am told that my opinion may change later but at the moment, I think it's good to have something to work towards. Perhaps if time is running out then we may decide to have kids anyway. Look out for a post from me in a few years Grin !

Has anyone ever wished they had kids later? When they were in a different financial position or do you think it's worth it anyway?

OP posts:
Original poster
Howmuch3 · 10/04/2017 01:34

Oh I see - you think I'm a dailymail journalist. Nope. And there's nothing hateful about my op?

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 10/04/2017 01:42

No. It does sound like the sort of thing the Daily Hate fish for, though.

OP, there are pros and cons to waiting before having children.

EineKleine · 10/04/2017 01:48

No, OP. I like my children a lot, they are even more fun than my job, and can be enjoyed fully in the uk Grin

highinthesky · 10/04/2017 01:57

The £300k 4 bed can possible be found in the shittiest part of Basildon. Not recommended!

MommaGee · 10/04/2017 02:11

What's your joint income now?
If you're aiming for 150 and its now 130 and you're 28 then wwaiting might make sense.

If you're now on 60 and 35 then no i wouldn't wait.

However and we are considering whether we would risk not having them in order to have such a lifestyle - if you're more concerned that kids would get the way of two foreign holidays a year etc than having children I'd wait regardless because you don't sound ready.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 10/04/2017 02:16

120k sounds about right for that sort of lifestyle, although it would depend on where in the South East you are, house prices vary massively (house prices near my mum are about 100k more than near me, both in Kent, about 15 miles apart!).

Part of me does wish I had waited until we were in a better financial position before having DC but then I had mine very young and on a considerably lower income (as in not far off minimum wage). I wouldn't have waited until I was on the sort of money you are talking about but a bit more comfortable would have been nice. But then I had some medical issues and was told when I was 23 that I can't have any more kids, so had I waited it would have been too late.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/04/2017 03:49

A big factor would be saving/acquiring the mortgage deposit and qualifying for the mortgage. Plus where the house is for area/schools/proximity to work. The difference in cost of the 4 bed house can be hundreds of thousands, or more.

Then continuing to be able to pay the mortgage when the 2 DCs are small and either childcare bills are huge (with no benefits as presumably we're talking about a salary well north of CB/CTC entitlement) or one parent SAH/drops hours considerably.

Would a 3 bed in possibly a less expensive area be a consideration or are you wanting the 'forever house' straight off? DCs could easily share until school age at least if you wanted a spare room for some reason.

What you mean by cars in terms of size/cost and how much help you have with the DCs would also affect costs and income needed to cover it by a huge amount - hundreds/£1k+ pm.

You say 'life is expensive' but a lot of it depends on how much you choose to make it so.

Gallavich · 10/04/2017 04:20

This thread is funny Grin

MumBod · 10/04/2017 07:52

Oh bless you, OP.

Children don't just tack onto a comfortable life.

They take that comfortable life and turn it inside out and upside down.

Wait until you and your DH are crammed into a hotel bathroom drinking wine out of the tooth glasses because it's 8pm and your kids need to be in bed! See how keen you are on two holidays a year after that Wink

Also, your post suggests that you're expecting to get singletons, NT children, children with no disabilities...

You can't plan for what a child will do to your life, and you can't put a price on the happiness they bring.

Enelya · 10/04/2017 08:04

I think it depends on a couple of things, perhaps most importantly if you need to save for a deposit for your house.

Personally I agree with pp that 400k for a 4 bed in the SE would probably be in an area you wouldn't want to live in, and I think 2 foreign holidays a year is unrealistic unless you are talking mega bucks, or happy to cut back in other areas. What are your aspirations re cars, clothes, cleaner, eating out at home?

Once you have the house, I think you would need 120k plus to have the 2 holidays, or 80-100 with 1 more modest holiday

On the other hand given the number of people around me with normal jobs and happy children, it must be entirely possible to be a content family on much less.

It's not wrong to decide you only want kids if you can maintain a certain level of lifestyle but I get the feeling you are setting the bar higher than most!

lionsleepstonight · 10/04/2017 08:04

Do you have that lifestyle now OP?
How far away from it are you?

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 10/04/2017 08:09

I did an overseas holiday with a child once. Not again, at least until youngest is at least 8. Scrap that off the budget 😄

NoSquirrels · 10/04/2017 08:12

I'd think more in terms getting certain things in place - a family-sized house, being in job/s that has decent benefits, some savings etc rather than focusing on the salary- things change, a lot, sometimes you just need to be prepared and flexible.

Having said that, we had kids without any of those things in London and didn't regret it for a moment.

You sound very young and not ready yet!

Violetcharlotte · 10/04/2017 08:13

I find this thread a bit strange. I can't imagine prioritising lifestyle over having children. Surely when you have children you realise you'll have to make sacrifices? To me, the joy you get from having your children is worth not going on holiday, about a million times over. And if you can't afford a big house, so what, as long as your comfortable. I feel you're putting far too much emphasis on material things.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 10/04/2017 08:28

LOL - we live in 'the north' with a joint income of '60-80k' as your relatives suggest and we do not have that lifestyle- 3 bed semi in a reasonable school area, yes 2 cars (need to get to work) but old/basic, 2 holidays usually per year- 1 camping in U.K. or with relatives and 1 either a cottage in the SW for a week or occasionally a cheapy abroad if we have a 'lucky school holiday' week where ours are off when most aren't and we can get a good deal. As far as holidays are concerned you are often looking at about 5k for a reasonable holiday for 4 in Europe during school hols. Mexico I have no clue as my (age 8 and 11) DCs can't sit still long enough to think the flight would be vaguely bearable Grin
We are happy with our life, but fortunately don't have those expectations Smile

Reactivedog · 10/04/2017 08:31

Wait until you and your DH are crammed into a hotel bathroom drinking wine out of the tooth glasses because it's 8pm and your kids need to be in bed! See how keen you are on two holidays a year after

This is bang on exactly what happens, I remember the misery as if it was yesterday Grin

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 10/04/2017 08:33

Seriously, you won't want 2 foreign holidays a year when your kids are young anyway.

I think you are prioritizing the wrong things tbh. If you are in your 30s and want more than one child, I wouldn't wait. Its not worth it.

BikeRunSki · 10/04/2017 08:35

Childcare for 2 £12K? Really? I think quite a bit more going by past discussions on here.

I was paying the best part of £1000/month for 2 in Yorkshire for 3 days a week. Going by many other threads on here in the past, I was paying about half of what some people were paying in the SE (daily rate was £40/day; the overall bill included some Early Years Funding for my older child).

Runningissimple · 10/04/2017 08:43

You could also bear in mind that children get more expensive. As a rough rule of thumb: primary aged children are happy in a cottage in Wales and hot chocolate on the beach. They really don't care if they're dressed out of Tesco's or Boden, holidaying in Cornwall or Cancun. All this changes at secondary age and it feels far more important as a parent to make sure they are properly kitted out and that you can take them to exciting destinations.

I guess what I'm saying is that young children want your time (which is expensive in some ways), while older children want your cold hard cash Grin (and maybe the odd hug on the sofa watching some crap on Netflix!)