to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

So you gave her the D&V bug in the first place and are now complaining because she's suffering with the symptoms of that illness?

Did you let her mother know that you were all ill before your DSD arrived?

I think it varies. DD3 (7) has always been quite remarkable with her puking skill. She sleeps on a top bunk bed and last time she was sick, she managed to sit up, throw back her covers, scoot to the end of the bed, throw her head over the edge and puke onto the floor. Given that it was the early hours, that gets a high-five in my book. A quick scrub of the carpet vs a complete change of the bed clothes will do me any day. But that's DD3 all over - she will manage to make the best of any situation she's in.

DD2 will generally make it to the bathroom if she's going to be sick (no bunk bed) and is very matter of fact. So much so that when she was on Brownie Camp she woke Brown Owl to say she felt sick and was sent back to bed. She woke her again to say she felt sick, and was sent back to bed. Then she woke her a third time to say "I've been sick but I've flushed the toilet and washed my hands." They didn't call me, or send her home, but told me about it at the end of camp, because they didn't believe she'd been sick. She had been. She described it in very accurate detail to me. She's just quirky like that.

DD1 has SN and is more likely to hit the floor running when she's ill. She can't help it. Just the way it is.

It's assume your DSD is not choosing to be messy but is ill and needs your help. Give her a bowl and towels underneath her and around her.

There are certainly bugs that don't allow you the time to get anywhere. Having a basin next to her might help with the vomiting (unless she's asleep) but wouldn't help her with the diarrhoea if she has no control over stomach muscles.

What have you done to help her? Provided a bucket, letting her sleep close to a bathroom, cleared away all unnecessary blankets etc? Are you going to her when you hear her being sick? (It doesn't sound like it!) Sometimes it really isn't possible to control things. I can't imagine why she would deliberately be sick/soil everywhere because that will make her feel even worse, surely?

She's sick so loudly she woke the whole house up, but she had to come to you (and more importantly, her dad) and turn the light on to get any help? Seriously? Why was no one with her when they heard her being ill?

LockedoutofMN, she's 10 and she's sick. What planet are you on where you would ask a 10yr old to put their own washing in the machine when they are laid up with a bug like that? Do you want them to sweep the chimney too?

When my ten year old feels sick she panics and freezes it ends up on the floor. The first time. After that she gets a bucket so that we can be prepared...

She doesn't do it deliberately, that's for sure.

In your shoes I'd be more irritated at your husband than your dsd. Cleaning up vomit makes loads of people feel sick, including me. But they still have to do it.

My sd is 13 and throws up wherever she is rather than trying to get to bathroom. Luckily at moment we don't live together but not looking forward to that aspect when we do. I throw up just hearing someone wretch so its down to dp to clear it up after her.

DD could stop herself boaking until an appropriate moment from 3 ish. DS still can't at 6. Children are all different.

I can't be sick quietly. I've tried and it just doesn't happen so it's unfair to complain about her being noisy. And who hasn't been caught out with d&v thinking it'll be ok or they'll make it to the loo but that didn't happen.

When I was 12 I had uncontrollable d&v they'd just hit me both ends at once and nothing I could do would have prepared me for it. It was humiliating and I wasn't prone to missing the toilet/basin but this bug had other ideas. No one felt the need to moan about me. I was a child and I was unwell. Would you be so harsh with your own kids?

She has a sick bucket. She has been sick next to it three times because she can't be sick with her eyes open She removed the mattress protector because it rustled too much. When she came to turn the light on to wake us up, she hadn't actually been sick which is why no one had been up with her. We all had the same bug last week and I just feel like if her just turned six year old sister can get through it without any mishaps then she isn't making enough effort if she's had over ten of them.

At that age my mum provided me with a bucket and made it clear all vomit was to go in the bucket. Ditto diarrhoea into the loo. Even if it means lying next to the loo for hours.

Yes occasionally there are misses but you can direct 99%.

How convenient for your DP that he is excused from sorting out his own child(ren) because it will make him sick, too.

No way would that fly here. Tell him to carry a bucket with him while he's helping sort out his own children. It shouldn't all be down to you.

And, yes, a 10 year old should have more control then she's exhibiting ... not perfect ... but at least an attempt to not puke on the carpets, mattresses, etc.

What a cruel post. I remember my dd vomiting all over herself multiple times on a car journey home when she had noro. We had no means of cleaning it up so eventually we just decided to keep going and get home. She was sat in/covered in her own sick, sobbing, and it broke my heart. She is a child ffs, have some compassion. 😕

I recently had d and v. Made it to toilet to be sick but blimy. No warning at all for the d part! Several accidents. ☹ and I too didn't feel particularly proud of myself. She's ill. Sounds really awful. Look after her. Like other pps I can't believe you heard her being sick then bloody complain when she opens the door to your bedroom. You're parents.

Act like it.

Maybe she can't be arsed because no one can be arsed to get up to be with her when she is being violently sick in the middle of the night. I would be heartbroken to think of one of my kids being sick and no one there to give them a cuddle and wash their face. Shame on her Dad.

Once or twice maybe unless she is so ill she's struggling to move. Otherwise she's old enough to at least make an attempt to get to the toilet.

She should have a bucket with her.

If she's being sick, go in and help her.

I'm torn with this one. Whilst I understand that vomiting is of course involuntary and she is not doing it on purpose, you have to wonder why it seems that there's no effort to hit the sick bucket? (Assuming of course that she has one? My 10 year old has rarely been ill but when she did have uncontrollable D&V she mostly hit the bucket or toilet and one night when she was 8 or 9, I got up to the sound of the shower in the middle of the night. She'd got vomit on herself and wanted to wash it off her. She had even rinsed her sick bucket out.

Throwing up on the bed from a dead sleep can't be helped but I can't really see how anyone could get vomit everywhere like towels and carpets? Is she not bothering with her sick bucket?

My eldest son is 18, and still managed to miss the toilet the first time he got sick the last time he got a stomach virus. I made this face and told him to get a bucket next time, and cleaned it up. The sight and smell of vomit makes me sick, too, but I was the only one here, so I had to deal with it.

I think 10 is old enough to be able to make it to the bathroom. If she can't, give her a bucket. And make her dad clean it up.

Oh yes. And I just loves the smell of sick. Me.

You sound awful OP.

Very unsympathetic and a bit cruel actually.

She's 10. It's pretty much involuntary at that age

No, it's not. Anyway, it sounds like she really is not making an effort. I am sorry, but her dad will have to clean it up. I would force him to do it and say that funnily enough, you have developed nausea at the sight of shit and vomit as well. My guess is that he will lay down the law and force her to use a bucket. For someone who talked about when they had e-coli- this girl just has a stomach bug.

I find it odd as well that she would make no effort to clean her own poo up in the bathroom. I don't think many 10 yo girls would just casually ask their step-mother to do it, even if they were ill. Do you normally have a good relationship, OP?

Maybe a bit of compassion would be nice

Everything has been done to help regarding buckets, towels and everything else. She just keeps missing or not even getting out of bed and just being sick on her covers.

Yes, her mum was told we'd had D&V before DSD came.