to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

[FreeNiki]

How on earth did she manage to soil the carpet? She just stood there and shat herself?

It sounds odd. At 10 years old she is perfectly capable of taking her own dirty underwear off and wiping her own bum and following instructions to put her soiled underwear in plastic bags to be thrown out
It's weird she is coming to you to be cleaned up like a toddler.

I would have made her keep the mattress protector on, covered her bedroom carpet with plastic sheeting and made her stay in there.

I do think that the OP has has such a hard time. The child's own mother has left her there, her dad wont deal with her, the op is cleaning her sick and shit up off carpets and beds and surfaces multiple times a day whilst pregnant and she is told sheis nasty for being frustrated? She is doing a better job than the girls parents who've just ditched her.

If at 10 years old I walked around the house vomiting all over carpets in every room and shitting on floors and beds for days my mum would probably have told me off.

[FreeNiki]

The noise thing she cant control. My sister sounds like tbe exorcist and she is astonished that I am sick almost silently: I barely make a sound. I don't know how I am quiet I just am, it isnt conscious.

[TyrionLannisterforKing]

Sometimes accidents happen. I am severely emetophobic and any weird feeling in my stomach area makes me freak out. As a kid, I would wake up my parents several times every night insisting I felt sick. They were almost always panic attacks, but there was a bug or two in between.

That said, vomiting is much more traumatic when there is a mess to follow. If she pukes with closed eyes (I do, too), tell her to close her eyes after aiming. Stick her mouth inside the bucket, hug the toilet.

Oh, and tell your DP to get his shit together. He's a father, he knows these things are bound to happen.

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

Poor kid. Her dad sounds particularly uncaring in this situation and that must be hurtful. Are you accusing her of deliberately shitting herself? Is this likely? If it is then it sounds like she could be a very sad little girl and she needs some help rather than disgust

[PerspicaciaTick]

It sounds like nobody has taken the time to teach her how to spot the signs and cope, so she just keeps doing what she has always done.

So, over to Dad to sit with her and teach her what to do...for as long and as often as it takes. Lots and lots of praise when she gets it right.

Teaching her is imperative. I've never heard of a household having so many D&V bugs, as you are all prone to them she really needs to be given the skills to cope as soon as possible.

[Bottlesoflove]

I have never done a proper "shit my pants" job, but I do remember once being struck down with horrible d&v whilst staying over at a exp's house (fairly new relationship), and pretty much siting on the loo whilst hugging the bucket for a whole night, with him gently tapping the door all Night checking if I was ok. I desperately just wanted to go to bed and sleep but couldn't risk it! 😮 The next day I was fooled into thinking I was better but managed to do a bit of a "shart"! 😩 I removed the offending underwear and stuffed them into my handbag, and narrowly avoided what could have been a very awkward sitch when he offered to answer my phone that was ringing in my bag! 😳 Moral of this story is, this guy who was still a relative stranger showed me (a grown woman) more compassion and concern than you and her parents seem to be offering this ten year old, who is your dsd!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I cannot stand the sight or smell of vomit. And yet, when DD is sick, she sleeps in with us and I deal with it. Because I'm her parent. This poor child has two parents that clearly don't give a shit and a SM who at least cleans up but obviously resents it.

There are only two options:

1. She is so sick or lacks control and she can't get to the bowl/bucket/toilet. In which case poor little thing.
   

1. She craves attention so badly that she is willing to shit and vomit all over herself and the bed to get it. In which case, poor poor little mite.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

To be fair to you, that would piss me off enormously.
DS2 (4) had a vomiting thing the other week - apart from the first vomit, which took him by surprise completely so it went over the bed, every other one went into the bucket. He's 4.
Diarrhoea might be a different matter, you can't always tell - but with a bucket by the bed she should have been able to get the vomit in there at least!
I had some hideous food poisoning bug once (narrowed it down to probably being rotavirus from the time lapse and symptoms) and spent the night in the bathroom because I barely had time or strength to get to the toilet when the spasms started, so I just camped on the bathroom floor. Had a bucket as well. Yes, I was an adult but at 10 and with no SN I would imagine that she should have been able to avoid making quite so much mess.

And yes, get your bloody DH to do some of it, regardless of how he feels!! Fucking cop-out - "oh you're the woman, you do it, I can't handle it" - fuck OFF!

[Jenijena]

Accidents happen, and I've had them. But my four year old (thinking back, even when he was theee and I was 8 months pregnant) knows how to hold the bucket (actually the upturned bathroom step - bigger area) near to his mouth in case or accidents, and will walk from room to room with it.

Fwiw with neither parent arsed to look after her I think you're being brilliant.

[ShakingAndShocked]

Wow. Just wow.

Poor kid. All hear her being ill but no-one attending to her - her having to come into your room and wake your special snowflake bio child to seek comfort.

Saddest thing I've read on here for a long, long time.

[MillionToOneChances]

If she was your biological daughter this post would not exist.

I can only imagine the huffing-and-puffing shame that you are likely heaping on her

RTFT people. Mum doesn't want her at home because of all the mess. DSD would rather be with OP because she's so nice about the mess.

I think you/her dad need to be a little firmer about doing her best to minimise mess. Taking the protective cover off her bed was completely unreasonable of her and even if ill she should know not to do that.

Have you tried laying a trail of towels from her bed to the toilet? A friend suggested that when my kids were little and it saved my carpet when they were heading for the toilet but didn't make it.

[Midnightprobs]

I think that at 10 they need help. My dd is similarly aged. I keep a sick bowl in the bathroom very close to her just in case. It is rare we have a nasty bug like you describe but recently she had one. She managed to call me (in the night) and I ran to her bed with the sick bowl. Most of the sick went in the bowl but there was a splash on the duvet cover. She also shat herself a bit a few hours later and she knew it had happened and took care to stay away from carpet/furniture so I just had to wash her clothes. As soon as I know one of the DC is sick, I get them in bed with me with a sick bowl (DH sent to spare room so child can have his place in bed). So then with the child next to me, I can attend to them all night, whilst trying to sleep a bit. Our bed has a mattress protector. There is never a suggestion of a mattress being ruined! Your 10yo DSD needs a mattress protector, just like any child does. If my dd is being sick, i will hold her hair and I will tip the sick into the toilet and clean the bowl for her. If they have a bug, they often shiver as well so I will take things on/off to help her. It is miserable, painful and lonely being ill like this alone, even as an adult. Your DP needs to look after his daughter like a baby if she is in this sort of condition. If you think she is deliberately making exorcist noises whilst being sick, she is trying to communicate that she needs help and sympathy.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I realise this won't help as much, but I have sympathy with the rustling issue of the mattress protector - so I have all cloth ones instead. They don't work as well, of course they don't, but they do slow things down getting to the mattress.
I also have a towel under the mattress cover as well, just for added protection.
Towels on the carpet are a good idea too, and maybe get her some adult incontinence pants until the bug has passed.

There are ways around some of this, but she DOES need to learn to hold the bucket, it's ridiculous that she can't do that at her age.
If a bucket is too small then get a laundry bowl - I have a 20L wide bowl that I use for the boys as well while they're sleeping, so all they have to do is roll to the edge of the bed and throw up over it - bowl on towel in case of splashing, job done.

I do feel very sorry for her - her parents are shit.

[Midnightprobs]

Oh and just to add IME kids need to be trained not to make mess. I trained mine if they are desperate/explosively ill to go for the hard, wipeable floor instead of carpet!

[FreeNiki]

Is everyone who is saying give her a bucket or lay towels from.the bedroom to the bathroom missing the fact that this 10 year old has a bucket but.misses and vomits all over herself and she doesnt even try to get to a bathroom she just throws up where she happens to be.

She has managed to soil a carpet too if you read the op god knows how she managed that.

This child has been given buckets etc she still misses and hits the floor, bed, herself. What is the op supposed to do.

Then she soils herself and goes to the op to be cleaned up. Some children have periods at 10 and are capable of changing sanpro and cleaning themselves up at that age. It is a little strange that she makes no attempt to stall it or clean herself.

[emmyrose2000]

Have people missed the part where the GIRL'S OWN MOTHER IS REFUSING TO HAVE HER AT HOME?! And her father refuses to deal with it either?! The only people letting this girl down are her own parents. Her stepmother is the only one picking up the slack. I think some posters here make a point of slagging off the step parent in any situation just on principle.

That said, the girl is definitely old enough to know that she should be using the bucket. Even if she claims not to be able to vomit with her eyes open, if the bucket is right in front of her she should be able to aim directly there. She removed the mattress protector of her own free will. Too bloody bad if it rustled. Stick it back on. She'll just have to put up with the rustling until this illness is over

[KoalaDownUnder]

Your DH needs to man the fuck up. What on earth would he do if you didn't exist and he was the only one there? Even if it makes him puke himself, he'd have to deal with it!

I cannot believe you are putting up with this bollocks.

[kerryob]

Is it nurovirus? I had that at Christmas and was bloody awful, first time I was sick it was all over our bed & there was no time to get to the loo and 2nd time I missed the bin as it was like a scene from the exorcist! I passed it onto DH who couldn't get to the loo in time & he threw up 3 feet away from the bathroom annoying but he was ill, think dettol shares went up that week!

If your family had it why on earth did you or your DH or her mum allow her to stay over? It is so contagious, blame lies with the adults not the child. Would you allow your dc to stay in another house exposed to the virus?

From your posts it sounds like your dsd is a nuisance & source of irritation, I feel sorry for her. She was being sick loudly & no one went to check on her? That's just horrible & sad, your DH needs to sort himself out, look after his child & suck it up

[mathanxiety]

When I was 11 and had meningitis I still managed to puke in the basin my parents gave me (and they held my hair and emptied the basin each time) and I was almost delirious. I don't mean this as a criticism of the child or an exhortation to her to pull up her proverbial socks, but as a way of suggesting there is something else going on here. Attention seeking is one answer, wanting to be babied is another, underlying hostility towards her father and SM is another again.

[mathanxiety]

The waking everyone up at the crack of stupid o'clock and refusal or inability to be considerate in the early mornings is something that urgently needs addressing.

Does she get punished at all for this? Is she trying to get a rise out of you or her father, or has there ever been an occasion when you gave out to her and her dad backed her up?

It sounds as if she is actually very angry with you and/or her dad, and with her mum too if she makes a mess of her own home too when she's ill.

[XsaraHale]

NBU- Yes, it's ok to feel rubbish when you are heavily pregnant, especially still feeling delicate after being poorly yourself and having other children who are 'recovering'! My 4 year old kept a little bucket by her for sickness and was upset when did not manage to get to the bathroom with D&V ...hopefully your dsd will be on the mend soon and maybe try explaining to your dh that he needs to pitch in with what he can deal with.

[Daisydots]

I grew up with an emetephobe for a DM and was only ever sick once on the carpet my whole childhood with her. I just learned to know when I was going to be sick and reach for the nearest container/run to the loo. It depends a lot on maturity as well, especially with the other behaviours you said like waking you all up.

If it is 'attention seeking' first thing to do is get her dad to look after her

[Mummyrowland]

When I wasn't pregnant with my first I suddenly felt sick in a restaurant and couldn't stop myself I threw up all over the table! Sometimes when it happens it happens. Poor kid feeling ill

[MsJamieFraser]

How long has she been ill for?

My ds 10 at the time (only a few months ago) was like this, he had absolutely no control over his body, in the end we had to put him in the shower where he soiled himself and was sick for hours, he then because unconscious and we had to rush him to A&E and he needed emergency treatment and was admitted.

He also has no control, however he cannot help it, like another poster we would hear him making noises in his sleep and we would run in and he'd be green... he'd either be sick or was about to be sick.

Lucky he's never soiled the bed, however he's soiled himself, some kids just don't have control depending on the virus.

[neonrainbow]

Its quite unbelievable the number of posters who SAY they would be ok with a 10 year old shitting and vomiting everywhere. I don't believe that so many people would be fine with a child making no effort to minimise the mess when they have to clear it up. Shit all over the towels in the bathroom? Really? When i was ill at that age i was confined to either bedroom or bathroom to avoid spreading germs everywhere. And ill or not i wouldn't have been told "there there" if i was consistently getting shit and vomit everywhere.

If she's playing all day then she's not that ill.