to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

[Sillysausage123]

I think you are being mean (doesn't make a difference she is your step daughter or daughter, you sound uncaring and mean) , sometimes kids panic when they are sick and just want to throw up there and then.
You don't know how ill she feels

[Papafran]

Everything has been done to help regarding buckets, towels and everything else. She just keeps missing or not even getting out of bed and just being sick on her covers

It sounds like attention seeking behaviour. I think her dad really needs to be the one to deal with this. It's no doubt his attention she is seeking, not yours. Tell him to get over himself.

[mathanxiety]

Why did you and DP have her for her parenting time if your DCs had D&V? Everyone knows it spreads like wildfire.

You would have done her a big favour if you could have asked her mum to keep her home.

But if that wasn't possible then your DP needs to get over himself and get up for his daughter in the night, clean up the vomit she got everywhere, etc. There is no way his pregnant partner should have to be responsible for all of that.

[mathanxiety]

x-post

[Foureyesarebetterthantwo]

I must admit I do find this a bit odd. My children have always been told to be sick in the basin, lean forward, I tie their hair back, put towels on their bed, put a mattress protector on- and we rarely ever have any accidents, they are 11 and 13 now. They don't want to get covered in puke or for it to get on their bed or in their hair, so they make a big effort to be sick in the most contained way possible! Accidents at the other end may be unavoidable, but again, never actually had that more than once with each of them...and we had the norovirus a few weeks ago.

I wouldn't accept excuses like I can't be sick with my eyes open at all, that doesn't even compute in my head, and I would just tell my own child not to be so silly, aim for the bowl and do their darndest to get it in. I am really sympathetic when they are being sick, but not if it was randomly done everywhere with no attempt whatsoever to aim for bowls/run to the loo. I would insist on the mattress protector, rustling or not.

[Wando1986]

BS, op. You sound like a horror. She's 10, get a grip. Tell your husband to grow a pair too maybe. Same with anyone else who pukes when others do... grow up.

[FoundNeverland]

Poor little girl. She's only 10. In a house which is t her own with a stepmother who clearly doesn't like her.

You should feel ashamed

[melj1213]

Are some PPs reading the same OP as me? This child seems to be making no effort whatsoever to control where or when she throws up or soils herself. I have had D&V and whilst you hardly get a half hour warning, I've never been at the point of going from fine, to vomiting everywhere in less than a second, on multiple occasions.

This is a child of 10 years old, not 10 months. She should be more than capable of containing her throwing up to the toilet or a bowl/bucket most, if not all, of the time at the very least.

D&V is not pleasant but my 8yo has always managed to get to the bathroom, or at least find an appropriate receptacle to be sick into, bar perhaps the odd occasion where she has been caught short or I've been emptying the bucket from by her bed and wasn't quick enough returning it before the next bout made itself known.

OP, to limit how much of the house you have to clean up repeatedly could you insist that she either has to stay in bed or on the sofa and then protect those pieces of furniture appropriately? Whenever my DD is sick, I cover the mattress with a waterproof protector, use older sheets/covers (that can be thrown away if necessary) on her bed, there's towels on either side of the bed and at least one bucket (so that if she can't get to the bucket she can at least be sick on the towel and not the bed or carpet) and she basically is either there, or on the sofa (that gets the same treatment - waterproof mattress protector over the cushions, old duvet covers, towels on the floor and bucket to hand).

If she's really sick (like almost constant D&V), I have even resorted to making up a comfy bed in the bath so that is never far from the loo; can wash her hands/clean up immediately after either a D or V episode; she doesn't have to be running to and from her bed every time she feels ill especially if she's feeling tired and has no energy to get up; it tends to be cooler in our bathroom so it helps if she's sweaty and hot from the illness; we can rig up her tablet to be securely fastened on to the shower caddy so she can watch some programs.

[steff13]

I don't think I'm sick with my eyes open, but unless it's a very small bucket you ought to be able to aim even with your eyes closed.

[ZilphasHatpin]

This isn't the poster who posted about her DSDs underwear stains is it?

[mydietstartsmonday]

You are being mean. Help her, she needs a bit of comfort. Maybe she hasn't been this sick before. She is away from her mother, your husband sounds useless and you sound callous.
Give her a hug, tell her it doesn't matter and get that useless lard of a husband up to help.

[Hoptastic53]

I know D&V is horrible and I do sympathise but I do think she'd perhaps be feeling a bit better by now if she wasn't up most of the night having covers changed Ect because she hasn't even tried to get up. I'd say the same whether my DC or DSC.

To make it clear once again, she hasn't been left alone to be sick at all. That's another reason why it wakes the whole house - because me getting up wakes my two year old who then cries and DSD is extremely noisy being sick which wakes the others. Even if she isn't sick she'll come in to tell us she hadn't been sick but had thought she might be. Similarly when she isn't ill, we'll ask that she reads or plays quietly in her room if she's up before 7.30 when the others usually wake but she hasn't ever managed it. Even if we've all been out until 10 pm the night before because of watching her in a show or competition (she dances) and impress upon her that her siblings need sleep, she'll still walk around turning lights on and opening and closing doors until she wakes them all up. She is then bewildered when they're grouchy and we ask again that she's considerate next time but things don't change.

[Notso]

She needs supervising if she can't/won't make it to the bathroom. When my 6 and 4 year olds had a sickness bug a few weeks ago I was sat up all night with them holding buckets. It's grim, sick makes me retch and gag but I'm their parent so just have to get on with it.

[Bottlesoflove]

Poor girl probably just wants her mum (I still do when I'm that ill - do you remember how shit you feel with d&v) and yet she is stuck with a dsm a ddad who don't give a shit about her. 😕

[budgiegirl]

Have I understood correctly? A 10 year old has had D&V since Friday evening, and it's still going on? Poor child, she must be so miserable, and feel terrible.

I can see that her lack of control must be frustrating, but it sounds as if she's got a really bad bug, maybe she really just can't help it.

That said, I'm not sure why you are doing all the clearing up. Clearly up vomit makes me want to vomit, but it still needs to be done. Your DH needs to just get on with it and help his daughter .

[Megatherium]

Absolutely a 10 year old should be able to exercise at least some control, and I don't buy the reason why she misses the sick bucket. Also as a minimum it would normally be instinctive at least to lean over the side of the bed rather than just vomit into the blankets.

I agree with everyone else about making your husband deal with this. I suspect if he did he would be able to do something more effective about making her exercise some control.

[KurriKurri]

If she can;t be sick without closing her eyes, and the sight of sick makes her dad sick - could she have picked up this aversion from him?

Whatever the case (and it's hard to say how violently a sickness bug - even the same one - will affect different individuals)her dad needs to be clearing up after her, you are pregnant - don't be cleaning up sick and poo when you don't have to. He does have to so he needs to get on with it. He can wrap a scarf round his face if he doesn't like the smell. What is he on watching you clean up after a sick child ?

I don't think it is cruel and nasty to be fed up of cleaning up sick and poo when there is another adult in the house who is perfectly capable of doing it.

I'd give the little girl a break though - I've had sickness bugs where I've hardly been able to drag myself out of bed and walk stagger to the loo I've felt so dreadful, some folk vomit a lot more than others with these things.

[Hoptastic53]

She's been here for at least 6-7 D&V bugs that I can think of (her mum thinks DP should have her ill or not) and it's the same way every time, it isn't just a bad bout this time.

People are being ridiculous to say I don't like her over this. I love her and we have a great relationship, I just think it's not on continually make no effort to minimise the damage.

[Kr1stina]

Tell your husband that you feel sick too and you are pregnant .

He needs to stop neglecting his own poorly child.

[dietcokeandwine]

OP I suspect you're getting more of a flaming here because she's your stepdaughter, and I agree that some of your posts read very unsympathetically.

But.

I would expect most children over about 8/9 years old to be able to make it to the loo, or aim into a bucket, once the first initial vomit has happened. Simply because you'd expect them to begin to recognise the signs and sensations that they're about to be sick or have diahorrea again.

Yes she's a child and yes she needs compassion but tbh I'd be getting frustrated with a 10yo in this situation (unless there are SEN or unless the bug is horrifically severe).

And even more frustrated with a partner who stands by and lets you do all the cleaning up. WTAF is that all about?

[Papafran]

OP, are you going to get your DH to deal with it now then? You seem to be avoiding the issue. I think that is what she ultimately wants anyway- for her dad to look after her.
I do sympathise and YANBU.

[Kr1stina]

And of course her father should have her when she's ill. If both parents refused to have her when she was unwell, what would happen ?

You don't have a DSD problem, you have a DP problem.

[Hoptastic53]

Also she isn't laid up and unable to move. She's moving around and playing fine all day but even when wide awake she's soiling herself without having even headed towards the bathroom. She doesn't want her mum at all, she said she prefers being here when she's ill because her mum complains about the mess she makes.