to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

[Sunnysidegold]

Would anyone actually want to be sick on themselves or soil themselves?? I'm surprised that people think this is some weird cry for attention. And should it be so, why are you not thinking about why she is doing this. Some bugs are worse than others, some people get a worse dose.I've experienced d&v where I've been in bed with the sick bowl vomiting and wasn't able to make it to the loo at the same time.it is horrid. You and your partner need to wise up. He needs to take responsibility here too. No one loves the smell of sick and as you're pregnant I can remember how much worse it was dealing with vomit then. So husband needs to just get over himself and clean some sick.up. I think you need to cut the kid some slack here and with her mum and dad work out what is to happen in the future regarding contact when I'll it is ridiculous to start passing a bug back and forth between families. Enjoy facEd with something unpleasant like this I ask myself how would I want to be treated? Would I be happy if someone else treated my kid like this?

[Daringdaschund]

Sorry but no 10 yr old I know would go around deliberately pooing their pants without any form of embarrassment. Either the poor kid is really ill in which case she needs to see a doctor, or she has serious behavioural issues and needs some mh support. Either way, she needs help not negative criticism.

[EC22]

At 40 years old I still wake my husband when I'm sick, cause it's horrible and I need comfort.
She's 10, she's ill and you sound really mean.

[Goldfishjane]

Sounds like she's never been looked after properly when ill and hence doesn't know signs.

Her father should be sorting this. I'm emetophobic so I get how he feels but sometimes you just have to help and then maybe have a few vodkas after while yiu stress out, but in the moment the child needs the parent.

[starsorwater]

When mine were that age I slept in the room with them which is what your dh should be doing, however ill it makes him feel. It does most of us. He'll have to get used to it.

[Goldfishjane]

How would he cope if you weren't there, he'd have to cope with his own sick child.

[LorLorr2]

She probably is really suffering and when the feeling takes over, she isn't thinking about where to move to, she just goes through it.
Perhaps it's worth plainly telling her in a quieter moment what to do when she feels nauseous or needs the loo, kindly instructing her that her first instinct should be to get to the bathroom.

As a pregnant lady I would definitely hope your partner is doing plenty of cleaning himself and that it's not all being left to you!

[StrawberryJelly00]

If she was your biological daughter this post would not exist.

Children cope with sickness in different ways, I don't think shes doing it out of spite to piss you off!

[Rednailsandnaeknickers]

I think the OP is getting a hard time here, I bet if she had posted it was her DC not SD then the comments would be much more along the "tell them to aim in the bucket or else" type.
OP I have a 10 year old and ever since he was about 4/5 he's made it to the bathroom to be sick/have diarrhoea. Maybe he is quite a light sleeper and feels the signs early but I sleep like the dead and have always managed too, those few seconds of that heaving feeling are enough to get me across the carpet!
Even her own Mum "complains about the mess" but you are supposed to keep on clearing up regardless? Her Dad needs to have a word with her about making more of an effort. Is she not embarrassed at all? I know my 10 year old would be if he pooed himself, even by complete accident. And the cover needs to stay on the bed, rustling or not!

[foreverandalways]

My grandson is five years old and recently recovered from a bout of sickness and gastroenteritis bless him...however, all went either down the toilet or basin....often at the same time....no mess anywhere other than! Whatever age I honestly feel that they should be able to use some form of control.....has she been shown and taught to do so though....possibly not or there is another reason as to why she is making such mess and causing constant stress and hassle for you...the stains on the carpet etc and the smell must be awful for the rest of the family.......hope she gets well soon and you can all have a good nights sleep x

[PurpleMinionMummy]

You she came in to tell you she'd been sick. So she's puking so loudly she wakes the whole house, and no one went to see if she was ok?? Why did no one go down to her

[haveacupoftea]

She has a mum who can't be arsed with her when she's sick and a dad who is too much of a pussy to clean up after he, and her step mum is the one getting a hard time?

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Purple - no she came to say she was going to be sick and OP got up to help her. She then made a massive amount of noise apparently.

[AtSea1979]

It's not your DSD you need to address its your DP. He sounds like a waste of space tbh. Most people feel sick at the sight/sound of others puking but when it's your kids you just roll you sleeves up and ignore the nausea. Your DP should be in bed with her with a bucket and teaching her what to do. Not ignoring her so she never learns.

[GabsAlot]

i agreee with haveacupoftea

he mother sends her off when shes ill her dad cant go near her yet the op is getting it for not being a pefect stepmother and clearing up heer mess everywhere

op i think u need words with your dp-thats his child being sick-he needs to step up-she does sound like she has more problems though-maybe its a behavourial issue

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

YANBU OP, at 10, you should be able to be sick in a bucket at least, and she should have been told quite emphatically not to take the protector off the mattress.

Also, I would actually KICK my DP out of bed to go and deal with his sick child.

[VestalVirgin]

Sorry, but it seems everyone is handling this badly.

The girl is old enough to know to carry a bowl or bucket when walking through rooms with carpets when she has to throw up all the time.

Your DP seems to do nothing whatsoever, and you seem to focus on wanting a sick person to control her body functions rather than accepting that she can't and employing adequate solutions.

If she soils the bed, put her in diapers. If she doesn't do it on purpose, then wearing diapers won't embarrass her more than, you know, soiling the bed.

You can put a plastic bag under her sheets to keep the mattress clean. (Though it is probably too late for that)
And tell her to go nowhere without a bucket or bowl.

(The fact that you say she's up and playing leads to the suspicion that she's perhaps not really that ill, but you can get that checked by a doctor. Does she refuse to stay in bed? Because I would tell her to stay in bed, end of discussion. It would at least spare the carpets.)

[ZilphasHatpin]

If she was your biological daughter this post would not exist.

Agree. I'm surprised OP hasn't accused her of getting sick deliberately too.

[starsorwater]

Well, two things to start with.

1. To your dp. 'Get out of bed and take care of your poor daughter.'
   

(Thick layer of Vick on dp's quivering top lip will genuinely help with the stench. Give him a bucket for his heaving. Rubber gloves for cleaning.)

1. To the sick one (and all the rest of the dcs when it is their turn)
   

'50p every time you hit the bucket. £1 every time you get through an episode with no mess.'
Or more. In fact, what ever it's worth.

Mattress cover stays on. Nightlight on. Teach if they wake up sick to grab bucket and yell for help, not run around the house chucking up.

And dp should be camping on the floor of her room until she is much better.

[KazenoTaninoNaushika]

My heart absolutely breaks for this poor little girl. If these are the words you feel comfortable using to a bunch of strangers on MN when describing what sounds like a extremely poorly child, then I can only imagine the huffing-and-puffing shame that you are (whether consciously or not) likely heaping on her during what must be a hellish bout of illness. She has been in your house for 4/5 days but has, by your description, been violently ill since Friday...so 2/3 days? The amount of times you are describing her as either vomiting or having diarrhea in that short time indicates that she is severely dehydrated and as a consequence of that alone, notwithstanding the actual sickness, is not able to react in the rational ways you seem to expect her to react (Embarrassment?!). When I was that ill as a child, either my DM or my DSF sat by me with a bowl and some fluids, smoothing my hair and telling me I was loved and I was going to be Ok. Yes - you are heavily pregnant so of course you are allowed to feel pissed off at the situation...but shouldn't you direct that anger and annoyance at the bug that has made her so ill not the poor little girl who is experiencing it? Or more to the point, towards your DP who doesn't seem to be able to support either his pregnant partner or his DD?!

[Mysterycat23]

Wtf her own dad won't clean up.

OP why on earth are you doing this for him.

And while pregnant. I can't even get my head around it.

What kind of man gets his pregnant partner to clear up sick and diarrhoea? Why isn't he looking after his own child and showing her love and attention when she is desperately ill to the point of not being able to control her bodily functions? What is going on here OP?

[Orlandointhewilderness]

Poor, poor child. For Gods' sake, she is 10 and very very ill. The poor kid just wants someone to tell her it is ok, make her feel better about the awful things happening to her and not leave her to be ill by herself in the middle of the night then get cross because she is ill! It is basic human compassion and you all seem to be lacking.

[defineme]

Firstly, Dh needs to get up , you're pregnant fgs.
Secondly, karma will get you 'oh I have never missed the bucket/ loo brigade' .I would have said that, but then I got norovirus that made me lose control utterly of my bowels, sadly also passed to fil and it was the first time it had happened to him age 79 too. My dm, was all like that would never happen to me, but then it did.
I advise those pyjama pants for bedwetting and a bed covered in big towels or easy to wash fleece blankets.
Have a heart,your situation is literally shit, but it's the adults who have let you down here, badly. DH...none of us bloody like sick and dsd's mum for sending her to a sick house.
Poor little girl

[tillytown]

Maybe she can't be sick quietly, I can't, and I try. When I'm ill everybody can hear me coughing, choking and eventually vomiting. It's horrible knowing others can hear you, so I doubt she is being noisy on purpose.