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AIBU?

to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

353 replies

Hoptastic53 · 09/04/2017 22:55

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

OP posts:

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Rockingaround · 09/04/2017 23:43

Poor girl she's only 10, where's her mum? TBH if she was my daughter I'd want her home so I could look after her. ... of course she's gona come in and tell her dad she's in a mess (and turn the light on) what do you expect? I want her to be with her mum 😥

TheFlyingFauxPas · 09/04/2017 23:43

6-7 bugs. Gosh. That's a lot.

WetsTheFinger · 09/04/2017 23:43

You sound horrible and not cut out to be a stepmother.

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 23:44

Why the concern about her not being with her mum? She's with her dad. Presumably he loves her and can take care of her too.

Hoptastic53 · 09/04/2017 23:45

I can't sit in with her to supervise at night because my two year old co-sleeps so it'd disturb her even more if I had to take her with me. DP won't in case she's sick on him!

I agree he should man up and clear it up but he spends more time heaving over the loo than comforting her so it isn't best for poor DSD.

OP posts:

Bottlesoflove · 09/04/2017 23:45

If she's been sick/shat as much as you claim she has she could be really dehydrated and feeling horrid and very weak. It is hard enough to drag yourself out of bed to puke yet again and you feel that poorly even when you are a adult, let alone 10 years old. I work in a hospital and have seen people of all ages piss, shit and vomit all over themselves when they are unwell, even with something relatively minor like viral gastroenteritis. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid if a TEN year old had an accident when poorly, having worked in paediatrics. You just try to get a bowl to them asap, hope for the best, then clean up any mishaps without any blame or reprimand. Isn't that what being a mother is all about? Clearly stepmothers/fathers feel that is out of their remit...

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 09/04/2017 23:45

Aww that's awful, moaning cos she woke everyone up! She's a child and shouldn't be left alone Ill.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 09/04/2017 23:45

Dad needs to clean it up. Nobody loves the smell of sick ffs.

I find her behaviour really odd because the horrific smell of vomit and diarrhoea is such that people do their level best to contain it and get rid of it as quickly as possible. Whereas you're saying she's repeatedly throwing up all over herself and her bedclothes and not aiming for the bucket at all on any occasion?

Coupled with the fact that she goes in and out of her siblings' rooms purposefully to wake them up, you seem to believe she is doing this deliberately?

Hoptastic53 · 09/04/2017 23:46

Her mum is well aware she is ill and doesn't want her back because of the mess issue. DSD has no wish to go home. A bit daft that the default is only mums can care for children properly.

OP posts:

Bottlesoflove · 09/04/2017 23:47

So if your 2 year old co-sleeper was poorly what would you do? And what about when they reach the grand old age of ten?

PeaFaceMcgee · 09/04/2017 23:47

Is she resentful of the fact you've all made her horrendously ill? Dirty protest?

juicygirly · 09/04/2017 23:47

Wow. My dds are 8 and 4 and they BOTH know to run to the bathroom if they feel sick.

I wouldn't be putting up with that op. And definitely not while heavily pregnant.

Rockingaround · 09/04/2017 23:47

X post- now my heart is breaking for this little girl, it's like she's just an inconvenience to all of you. Please just run her a nice bath in the morning, brush her hair, some tlc; don't give her anything else to eat until her tummy settles and have a gentle chat about getting to the bathroom on time, poor little love

Thinkingblonde · 09/04/2017 23:47

Some of the posters here have obviously never had uncontrollable D&V. And I do mean uncontrollable.
I have, several times and it ain't pretty.
Had to put puppy training pads on the floor from the bed to the ensuite, fashioned some into adult sized nappies. Put several on the bed. Took a bucket everywhere.

Bottlesoflove · 09/04/2017 23:48

Poor bloody child. Just when she needs a bit of tlc nobody can be arsed to deal with her...

PeaFaceMcgee · 09/04/2017 23:48

Kick her dad up the arse. What an embarrassment of a man.

Papafran · 09/04/2017 23:49

You sound horrible and not cut out to be a stepmother

Oh yeah, sorry because step-mums have to be super-human. Look, the girl's own mum complains about the mess she makes (and rightly so). Why should her step-mum have to grin and wipe up her poo? I would be concerned that she is pooing her pants without a care or embarrassment, as you descirbe in your last post. Why does she do this? I would probably impose similar rules to what her mum has and tell her that if she soils herself while playing during the daytime, she needs to clear it up herself. If she is playing, she is hardly on her deathbed. Same with the sick. That will hopefully make her see that there are consequences to what she is doing.

Hoptastic53 · 09/04/2017 23:49

She does wake everyone deliberately when well, yes.

I'm not saying she's deliberately soiling and vomiting on herself but surely there comes a stage/age when you recognise the signs and can make a good effort to minimise the damage?

OP posts:

Bottlesoflove · 09/04/2017 23:49

Tbf no wonder the poor girl is cravung a bit of attention, and she is not even getting it when she's ill!

TheRealPooTroll · 09/04/2017 23:50

It really depends on how ill you are as to whether you can make it to a bowl/sink etc. I've had bugs where I've happily been able to sit with a bowl and make no mess and I've also had bugs where the vomit has been shooting out of my eye sockets before I've had a chance to turn my head.
Are you honestly suggesting your (d)sd is making some kind of dirty protest op? Does she generally leave excrement everywhere? If she doesn't I think you could give her the benefit of the doubt and show a bit of compassion.

Papafran · 09/04/2017 23:50

Some of the posters here have obviously never had uncontrollable D&V. And I do mean uncontrollable

It really doesn't sound like this girl has that. She is up and playing.

But OP, maybe buy large incontinence pads or something for her to wear to protect her clothes (and the surroundings).

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 09/04/2017 23:50

Last year, DD 10 managed to projectile vomit pink sick into my handbag. No warning, no illness, just spewed up like a fountain. It aint always controllable.

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Teaguzzler · 09/04/2017 23:50

A bit daft that the default is only mums can care for children properly.

But her dad isn't is he? Poor girl. She may well be attention seeking, probably because she wants her dad to look after her. He really needs to step up here.

Rockingaround · 09/04/2017 23:54

Actually I'd be taking her to the GP in the morning too, just for a checkup. Are you still giving her food? Is there any blood in her stools? Mucus? Is she peeing enough? If it's as bad as you say it is then I'd be getting her checked out. Also, her mum complains about the "mess" when she's ill?? How often is she ill? And 6-7 bugs?? I'd be bleaching the whole house and giving everyone a mini bottle of hand sanitizer 😷

Notso · 09/04/2017 23:55

Leave the 2 year old sleeping with your DP or tell him to supervise DSD He sounds like a waste of space tbh.
Maybe your step daughter is doing it for attention seeing as her parents don't seem to be bothered about her.

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