to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

DP needs to take the lead on this because you are heavily pregnant. I would say the same if it was your own kids.
Emetophobia (fear of being sick or seeing someone be sick). I have it; I had terrible morning sickness.
Sometimes, as a parent, you have to deal with vomit, shit and urine. That is just life. You have strategies for making it manageable- buckets; wipes; towels strategically placed around the house. When they are tiny you have to manage; when they are older, like your dsd, there are things they can do to self-help.
If her Mum is being arsey about contact then your dp has take the lead on sorting that.
If your dsd is not at least trying to self manage, there's probably all kinds of shit (pardon expression) going on that your dp has to take the lead on too.
I hate being sick; seeing anyone be sick; manage sick. But I do what I can to make it easier for me and for anyone suffering from D&V that I can help. I have MS so, trust me, trying to self manage or help others with D&V is really hard (and can be messy). Your Dp is to blame here.

Gosh. I'm sure this thread is making you all sound much worse than you really are.

Thick layer of Vick on dp's quivering top lip will genuinely help with the stench

Quivering

This poor child has two parents, neither of whom can be arsed to care for her when she's ill. So it falls to the fathers heavily pregant partner who also looks after a toddler ( presumably also this man's child )

This isn't reasonable

This, with bells on. That poor poor child

I think you sound over tired and exhausted.

Your husband sounds pathetic.

He needs to man up and sort his DD out.

You seem to have some difficulty with implementing even sensible rules for a 10 year old. My 13 year old had a vomiting bug recently, and we went with the BRAT diet, apples, rice, toast- I can't think what B is? But very plan, lukewarm boiled water.

You all sound devoid of common sense! YOu don't let a 10 year old decide what she wants to eat, or give her a milkshake when she's been sick.

Poor parenting all round , OP, your husband is really useless, so I would over-ride him and just insist on protection measures, bowls, and a plain diet as this is actually making the girl iller than she would be otherwise.

Banana; dry toast; rice; grated apple. If they can eat at all. Ice chips to help with hydration. That is how you deal with D&V.
Speak to pharmacist about yucky rehydration sachets.
Warm bath or shower if manageable to freshen up body and hair.
Not FUCKING CURRY! Your do is an arsehole for giving her that.

Is your partner nuts!! Gives her inappropriate food than expects you to clean it up when she invetiably pukes. Flat lemonade, boiled rice, that bland chicken soup they recommend for illness, not blooming curry and milkshake!!!! You need to rip him a new piece, and be firm with her, she is in your care, and at the moment yiur her caregiver.

Your dp fed her curry? Your dp is a joke. I think I might have bagged the curry sick and served it to him!!! I think that the child probably could make less mess but It doesn't seem like her parenting is that great. Use diapers, buy a good quality mattress protector (someone suggested hippychick) try the suggestions on here, e.g. Love the 50p for getting it in the bucket and the advice like aim, then close your eyes. Also, your dp can sleep in her floor with instructions no-one bothers the pregnant woman recovering from d&v for 8 hours, and all sick and poo in the interim are cleaned up.
I do feel for the little girl though, she is obviously ill. I have definitely vomited all over the floor trying to get to the bathroom more than once, it's a combination of how hard it is to tell you are going to be ill and how fast it happens, different for everybody. And I've also had diarrhoea in my trousers while pregnant (which my dh cleaned up for me, because he is a great dh).

Also- don't let her help herself to food, she is a child, she doesn't know how to look after herself, that's the whole point, and you (as a family) aren't teaching her- tell her why she shouldn't have dairy for a few days, buy in what you need plus as Dreardre says rehydration sachets, and help her get better.

You are all exacerbating the situation by failing to provide her with clear instructions, helping her help herself to get better and appropriate food. Awful.

If she is playing all day and able to eat curry and milkshake then she can't be that ill.

The rich foods are making her sicker but if she is physically able to eat that then the she doesnt have a severe bug. The sight and smell of a curry would be enough to make someone that ill sick.

Id say to dp you'll clean that up if she's sick.

Perhaps when you refer to the DSD catching the bug "off the OP's family" you mean her family. They are still her family just because they don't live together all the time. And the suggestions that she shouldn't have contact with her family because they've been ill - what do people do with their children when there's sickness in their house, throw them out?

I meant it generically speaking. I've mentioned her apparent useless dp I several posts. Anyone who leaves his pg gf to deal with sick and poo on this level doesn't hold high in my esteem.

It is not your run of the mill cold (and yes i know how serious even those can be too with being an asthmatic), it is a violent sickness bug which most sensible people will accept as a genuine reason to delay the contact for a few days. Not just because the DSD is really ill but because the OP herself sounds bloody exhausted!

Her DP sounds as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo

B is for bread.

In case you didn't notice, I was posting while they were sleeping DSD is now bouncing happily on the trampoline. How do you "not let" a ten year old play? If I restricted her to one room, her mum would say I was cruel and stop contact. I can't win whatever I do.

willyoujustbequiet

They knowingly exposed her to a highly contagious bug. They gave it to her. She didn't just pluck it out of thin air walking along the street.

RTFT. The OP warned DSD's mother that they were all sick, but her mum insisted they have DSD anyway, as she had to go to work. (Understandably so, it's up to her ex to sort childcare on his days).

Is it Banana? I thought it was bread. Oops my mistake.

As you all were.

curry and milkshake seems a very odd choice.

Its sad nobody is caring for her and she doesn't seem to have much idea about self care.

I think most 10 year olds would probably make an attempt to get to the bathroom.

With great difficulty Hoptastic!

Can you insist on a less richer diet today and see how she gets on? Dry toast and water? Couple of rich tea biscuits.

With regards to stopping contact....come on!

She wouldnt get away with it. Tell the judge you refused to take the child as the whole house was down with d&v and you needed to protect dsd from getting it as well as recover. No judge is going to say you should have taken her under those circumstances.

Would her mum really stop contact?

sounds like she cant wait to get rid of her and stopping contact is an empty threat.

You have some control over your household. You say sorry, if you're so ill then you need to stay in bed/your room/by the loo until you recover. You provide said child with chill out activities such as colouring, reading, an iPad, films etc. You use some common sense. You don't provide an ill child with curry and a milkshake so they can them vom it all back up again. It really isn't rocket science. You do your job, which is to parent your damn children

You've either made all this up to hide how callous you were being in your OP or you're a completely incompetent parent based on what you've written here, and you're in for bigger problems than a bit of vom on your carpet.

If she wants to play, let her play. It shows she's on the mend although expect a dip or two while she recovers if she hasn't eaten or drunk much. BRAT food until she is better. Ice chips or water if she can keep that down. Fresh air is good too. Let her doze if she fancies. This is your DP's job not yours because you are heavily pregnant. As I said before, I would say the same about your own children.

You love her and have a great relationship, yet you're on here complaining about her being ill...doesn't sound as if you like her at all...
She's only 10, it's not as if she's an adult and is doing it to spite you.

I've had norovirus a few times, and once it was so bad I literally sat on a towel and just vomited and shat where I lay. It was absolutely awful. I couldn't move at all. And I'm a grown woman.

But it's the same old, same old when it comes to stepchildren. Whatever small thing there is to pick at, or complain about - it will be done. I am convinced that the majority of the time step children are despised, and treated as an inconvenience even if it is not consciously acknowledged by the step parent. I'm very sure there is more about her than this that you don't like, and believe you would probably feel differently if this was your biological child.

Bouncing on a trampoline? Curry & milk shake? It's almost like you are encouraging her to puke up! shakes head

Your partner is an arse op, tell him to get a grip and start taking care of his child.

If you're not a stepmother then I'm sorry but you've got no idea how fucking hard it is. And the comments on here are proving that. We can never win.