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Original poster

my 12 year old DD and unwanted male attention

452 replies

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 09/04/2017 14:51

I've posted before about my DD getting unwanted attention form adult men. She's 12, she's developing but doesn't wear make up or skimpy clothes. She doesn't look particularly older than she is.

Today we're down by the riverside having a picnic. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We were sat reading and other people are around. A bloke, in his 40's I'd say, and 2 younger kids come and sit near us. The bloke immediately starts leering at my daughter. He sees me watching him look at her, I give him the Paddington bear hard stare. The kids he is with are messing about by the water and he's sorting them out with sun cream etc. He keeps looking over at my DD then at me, he knows I'm watching him.

After about 20 mins or so they gather their stuff to leave, he still keeps glancing at my daughter then at me. DD is oblivious to this, lost in her book. As they walk off I continue watching him, and he keeps turning round to look at my DD. Then, just before they disappear round the corner he turns to me and sticks his two fingers up at me!

Part of me was amused at his cheek but another part of me was furious. He was clearly letching at her and knew I'd clocked it, then he does that! What goes on in some men's head ffs???

OP posts:
TheStoic · 09/04/2017 15:34

Yes, take a pic. If there is unfortunately a next time.

FerdinandsRevenge · 09/04/2017 15:37

I understood it meant she was twelve and looked twelve. The op isn't the one leering at children best not make this about her.

Not sure what I'd have done myself op as I wouldnt have wanted to make my dd aware either. Although, are you sure she didn't notice and try and ignore out of embarrassment?

BloomingDaffodil · 09/04/2017 15:37

I would have approached him. a million percent. there is nothing that would have stopped me

FerdinandsRevenge · 09/04/2017 15:38

Do I really have this to look forward to in only six years?!?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/04/2017 15:39

I also remember, when DD2 was 12 or so, standing outside a shop, watching a young man/older teen proper eyeing her up from the back as he walked past us in the street. DD had denim shorts on, perfectly decent, not very short shorts.

And when he passed us he saw her very pretty, but obviously little girl, face, and the interest instantly, completely, dropped out of his eyes. Obviously, for decent men, their mind just doesn't go there, even if they find a girl attractive.

EastMidsMummy · 09/04/2017 15:43

How do you know he was leering and not just looking around?

TheStoic · 09/04/2017 15:44

How do you know he was leering and not just looking around?

Leering is the opposite of looking around.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 09/04/2017 15:46

I remember this happening to my niece she was a bit younger looked very young it made me feel ill and annoyed but she was totally oblivious and glad she was

I don't blame you for not calling him out on his occasion especially she was happy reading her book it would have changed the atmosphere for her

And Bonny I think we call all tell the difference between a glance and a leering look but of course the glance over would have been his excuse, I remember how it started at this age and how it would leave me feeling its horrible Sad Angry

I think the photo idea is a very good one

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2017 15:50

He sounds gross. The photo one is a good idea. I am of two minds as to whether to tell her. It depends upon how much time she spends without you as sadly she should also be aware of her environment to keep herself safe.

chitofftheshovel · 09/04/2017 15:52

yabvu unreasonable.

This person took his kids out in good weather, happened to find the same nice spot as you, and you stared him into leaving.

Your emotive use of the word leering has made lots jump to support you, but it is subjective and no one knows if he was admiring her in a sexual way (whilst also looking after his own kids), trying to see what book she's reading, being amused by her facial expressions as she reads.

Or he could have a lazy eye. Or be very partially sited like a friend of mine and not really know what he's looking at.

I think you were very judgmental.

EastMidsMummy · 09/04/2017 15:55

Leering is the opposite of looking around.

No, that's staring. And staring could be leering, but doesn't have to be.

So, no I wouldn't know if someone was leering at my daughter or looking at my daughter.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 09/04/2017 15:57

Oh for ffs Hmm

A lazy eye, trying to see what book she was reading, finding her facial experessions amusing maybe he wanted to know where she got her nice tshirt from so he could tell his wife about it

And if his eyesight was that bad he wouldn't have noticed the op staring back at him

It's pathetic how some will excuse men's behaviour not just towards women but more worryingly towards young girls

Nomoreworkathome · 09/04/2017 15:58

Do I really have this to look forward to in only six years?!?

What a stupid comment.
Yes..... because all of us who have or had 12 years old daughters have had to fend off leering blokes.
Hmm

TheFirstMrsDV · 09/04/2017 15:59

I believe you OP
It was from about that age that I started to get attention from adult men.
I wasn't even developed. I developed fairly late.
I couldn't walk down the street without getting cat called and propositioned.
Walking along a long country road from my Saturday job was terrifying. Some builders worked on a house at the bottom of my street and it was horrible.

My DD is no longer alive but I have nieces and have witnessed the harassment just walking up the high street.
If men feel able to be outright sexually aggressive towards young girls I have no problem believing they can be leery.

I have called men on it. 'She is FIFTEEN' 'Stop that now' and 'are you ok?' depending on the situation.

fuckers.

MrsDustyBusty · 09/04/2017 16:00

If you now think that a grown woman doesn't know what a leering man looks like, you're very much mistaken.

Never ceases to amaze me, the excuses people, even women, will make for inappropriate behaviour from men.

Cocklodger · 09/04/2017 16:04

I experienced this as a kid, between ages of 10-14 mostly. My mum would generally say (very loudly) "she's ten you filthy pig" that seemed to ward them off....

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 09/04/2017 16:05

My DF always brushed it off when I mentioned being uncomfortable about how (adult) men stared at my chest, and I started developing about the age of 11. He said I was imagining it. Not to be silly. Or I should take it as a compliment. Then one day when I was about 14, we were out shopping together and walked down a busy dockside. It was a hot day, I was in jeans and a perfectly modest v necked t shirt and it was busy enough I had to walk in front of him. When we got to the street I turned around and found steam practically coming out of his ears. He saw what I meant and he'd had no trouble discerning the body language and expression to know it wasn't 'complimentary'.

Original poster
crispandcheesesandwichplease · 09/04/2017 16:08

Thank you to all of you who are reading this in the spirit it was intended and haven't felt it necessary to insult my intelligence or what I know I saw.

OP posts:
inmyshoos · 09/04/2017 16:10

I've had this before with my 10 yo dd. It was a security guard in a supermarket. He was very smiley at her, said hi, to her not me. Then i noticed him watching her. Eventually my dd asked me 'why does he keep staring at me Mum?'. Total creep. I gave him good hard stare. Angry

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 09/04/2017 16:11

I've got 2dds and believe you Op as I have witnessed it numerous times.

in your situation I would have moved and sat between him and your dd, so he couldn't see her and your dd wouldn't have been aware of what was going on.

Mine are older now and dd2, 23 has been known to go up to a leering man and confront them. "What the fuck are you staring at?" is her favourite line. It worries me to death that she does this but I also admire her for it. Women and girls should not have to put up with this shitAngry

Paninotogo · 09/04/2017 16:11

But a 12 year old wearing shorts and vests is normal 12 year old clothes, why start with the skimpy clothing comment? Of course you are victim blaming OP.

WankStainWasher · 09/04/2017 16:13

FFS Pan stop trying so hard to be offended, use some common sense and credit the OP for having same.

NotYoda · 09/04/2017 16:16

I believe you. It happened to my best friend's child,. A lot. She did on occasion say to blatant leerers - "She's 12"

NinonDeLanclos · 09/04/2017 16:19

It's in no way an excuse for men leering, but if you wear skimpy clothes and makeup as a female, you are more likely to get men leering and making comments than you are if you wear tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt

I have never found this to be the case.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 09/04/2017 16:20

I agree wholeheartedly with you Dusty ...

If you now think that a grown woman doesn't know what a leering man looks like, you're very much mistaken

Never ceases to amaze me, the excuses people, even women, will make for inappropriate behaviour from men

I remember being letched at age 12 and my friends too. Even asked out by much older men. This was many many years ago but it happened.