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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 09/04/2017 08:42

Very permissive parent here - I would have gone absolutely and utterly ballistic. This is so wrong.

BigGrannyPants · 09/04/2017 08:42

OP there isn't much you can do if you can't contact her parents. I'm sure if you felt she was really in any damaged you would call an ambulance anyway. You will just need to keep an eye on her. You should absolutely tell her parents what has happened, but you should also be prepared for them to blame you.

You can't leave 15 year olds unsupervised with a load of booze and expect them to make responsible decisions. That was dangerous, anything could've happened. You should have stayed.

Personally I don't agree with buying your DC and their mates booze in the first place. I wasn't sure from your OP if the parents knew they were boozing or if they just knew they were sleeping over? If I found out someone had given my 15 year old booze without permission, I would likely get the police involved. If you want to by your own DC booze that's your decision, but you should be supervising.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 08:43

Why are people defending buying cider for teenagers? Are you Americans? Cider is really really strong!

Just because I drank alcohol when I was 14 or 15 , doesn't mean my children should. Attitudes have actually changed since then ! But while we are on that topic, I never went to a sleepover and was given alcohol by parents. All or drinking was clandestine. So much so that I remember being once given a snowball at New year by a parent and thinking that was so weird!!

For all we know this sick child experiences very different parenting at her won home and this si the first time she has ever drunk at all and so it had made her sick. And that's on OP's head. I'd be livid a s a apparent if my child was exposed to excessive, unsupervised alcohol by ANOTHER parent.

OP, I was one of your supporters on your previous thread. Changed my view entirely of you. If your daughter does all of this sport, encouraging alcohol is not good.

My DS is 15. Normal. His friendship group do not go and get drunk anywhere. He has never drunk alcohol. At all. Anywhere. I am aware that when he gets invited to a party there may well be alcohol but would not expect this to happen if he just went round a mate's house.But then I've said before on MN that round here we don't seem to have this constant impromptu sleepover culture.

I am proud of the fact that he does not drink and proud of him for not wanting to.

I hope the girl is OK. And you should tell her parents.

roundaboutthetown · 09/04/2017 08:43

It's just wrong to assume that other parents are OK with their children being provided with alcohol under the age of 18. Do what you want with your own child, but don't make assumptions about other people's children.

BigGrannyPants · 09/04/2017 08:45

I also think as with any sleep overs (not just boozy ones Hmm) you should have emergency contact details in case something were to happen.

BigGrannyPants · 09/04/2017 08:46

That should be danger and not damaged

AlexanderHamilton · 09/04/2017 08:47

I've got a 15 year old dd in year 10. She has an occasional glass of wine with a meal & the odd mouthful of g & t.

I'd go ballistic if she went on a sleepover & was given alcohol. I would also not be at all happy at no adult supervision until 10.30pm.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 08:47

Plus, I fully suspect you got a house full of teens because your daughter promotes your house to excitable teens as somewhere where there is unsupervised free flowing (ish) alcohol. 'Come round mine... my parents have bought me loads of cider.'

Are you OK with that?

Your comment about prosecco alarmed me. You seem to think that's like lemonade. Sparkling wine is notorious for making people drunk quickly. And vomiting.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 08:48

I would expect the parents to report it to school as a safeguarding issue and for you to get asked a lot of questions about your parenting

I agree with this. If I found out my 15 year old daughter was going to a friends house and the parents were buying them booze and then leaving the premises, I wouldn't inform the police, but i would inform the school and the other parents. I'd also have some very choice words for you at the school gates.

Jurassictit · 09/04/2017 08:51

I would sue your arse if it was my daughter the sick teenager as a result of you letting children having access to alcohol. Not even supervising them ! What an imbecile you are !

Ledkr · 09/04/2017 08:51

This is common these days but it doesn't make it ok.
What are we teaching them? That they can't socialise without booze?
We have a parent like this. I queried it with her when dd was going to a sleepover and she assured me it was a very small amount. I later found out it was cider. Vodka and beer and several girls were unconscious or puking.
My issue is that she was choosing to introduce other people kids to alcohol. What if they were on medication or pre disposed to alcoholism?
Yes some teens drink, some teens use drugs and some have early sexual experiences. This does not mean parents need to provide them with a veritable banquet of booze drugs and partners, they've managed to do this by themselves for hundreds of years.

BastardGoDarkly · 09/04/2017 08:53

How is she op?

MsJamieFraser · 09/04/2017 08:55

Alcohol for under 18s is illegal No it is not, its illegal for anyone under 18 to buy alcohol

Anyone buying alcohol for underage people is committing a crime. - not to drink in their own home it is't

Its illegal to drink alcohol under 18 - again no it isn't, a child can drink from the age of 5 years of age in their own home, some pubs allow children over 14 to drink with their meal.

Please dont sprout things as fact when clearly you are misinformed,

How is the teenager OP? I think this is a lesson for you next time, I know when the time comes for my teenager I am going to go down this route, as my parents did with me.

AlcoholAndIrony · 09/04/2017 08:57

I really think that leaving a bunch of teenagers with so much alcohol unsupervised was not a wise move, OP.

You really should've not let them have any if you were going out. Then this incident would never have happened.

You really need to let the girls parents know.

Mrsknackered · 09/04/2017 09:02

For what's it's worth OP when I was this age (actually not a reaaaaaally long time ago) we were drinking much more hardcore than this.
My friends were a mix of state school and private but we all got equally as pissed.
I can remember 15 throwing up non stop in a park (mum thinking I was at a sleepover) and getting the night bus home with all my friends back to whoever had the 'free house', not saying this is good and I'd be livid if my children did this but my mum had no idea what I was up to and most of my friends parents didn't either, teenagers lie well - so for all of you who are saying 'my daughter/son doesn't drink at 15' my thoughts are if they're going to parties, they're most likely sipping at least a WKD and glens vodka
My sister has just turned 16 and my mum would supply her with 2 bulmer's or crabbie's before a party, I have her on Instagram, there was always vodka/rum in the backgrounds of pictures.
Perhaps I am wrong but now that I have moved out of London I have realised that house parties and underage drinking is a fairly middle class London thing!

hellejuice91 · 09/04/2017 09:02

I think the ones having a go at OP about letting the teenagers drink obviously forget what it is like to be young. If teenagers want to drink they are going to. It is safer and more controllable if they do it at home. Would you rather they got bladdered in a Park?

OP you have done the right thing. You'll do her no favours sending her home let her recover as much as possible and then send her home a bit later on today xx

Catsize · 09/04/2017 09:02

Highly inaccurate thread title.
Agree that you should have called her parents as soon as she became ill.
And no, they won't thank you.

Bumbumtaloo · 09/04/2017 09:03

MsJamieFraser but the girl being sick was not drinking alcohol in her own home, she was drinking it at the OP's house. Nobody knows if her parents gave their consent.

For what it's worth I grew up with a close group of friends, we all lived on the same street and were treated the same by our friends parents as we were our own. We used to drink at each other's houses. There was always a parent at the house in which we were drinking.

My daughters are only young but in the situation as I've described above I wouldn't mind them having an odd drink. If it was the situation that OP described I would go batshit. I would definitely be having words with the parent and my DC's would certainly not be going back to that house!

wifeyhun · 09/04/2017 09:03

How is the girl OP?, hope she is ok.

I have a 15 year old dd and I would be so worried if this was my dd.

Only1scoop · 09/04/2017 09:04

Blimey ....one extreme to another.

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast · 09/04/2017 09:05

Leaving a group of 15-year-olds with enough alcohol to make them puke, and going out for the night? Wtf were you thinking??

This ^.

Not 'normal', and not likely to be expected by other parents, would expect that they will report.
And the argument that buying them a lot of booze is better than them experimenting (not really inevitable at 15 at all), is pretty odd. They're also too young to have sex, did u leave them condoms and dirty videos because its inevitable, and perhaps some pot to smoke after, for the same reason?
I'm sort of joking, but its really not funny OP!
Your job is to keep your child safe and set some boundaries, not enable inappropriate behaviour while offering NO supervision.

Orlantina · 09/04/2017 09:07

I thought the idea with giving children alcohol before 18 was so they could learn to drink 'French style' and get used to it without getting drunk. Drink with parents and all that.

I hope the DD is ok - and am wondering if we'll get an update? I doubt it.

MsJamieFraser · 09/04/2017 09:07

The law says under 18's can drink at home or in another private premises. - the OP has don't nothing illegal.

I've just noticed the law has also been amended, you can drink it licenced premises age 16 and 17 if its with your meal, it used to be 14.

Ledkr · 09/04/2017 09:08

No ones forgetting being a teenager, god knows I was one of the worst offenders, it doesn't mean we need to provide it all though, anymore the we would visit the local dealers for some skunk and a wrap if coke Wine

WilburIsSomePig · 09/04/2017 09:09

I know when the time comes for my teenager I am going to go down this route, as my parents did with me.

You're going to buy booze for other peoples' kids? Right oh.

My parents let us have wine with dinner, if they were having some and had a pretty sensible attitude to alcohol. They would never have given alcohol to someone else's child.