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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
user1489226029 · 09/04/2017 08:11

Fairylea
I'm with you there.

y0rkier0se · 09/04/2017 08:12

OP, she's Year 10/11? The alcohol you supplied is a moderate amount - certainly not as though you've supplied a couple of
crates of strong bow and a few bottles of vodka. I hope the girl's feeling ok now, I might be tempted to mention to mum that there was a small amount of alcohol out and she was sick last night. Leave her to question her DD - if she or someone else smuggled vodka in then that's their fault, not yours. You can't search everyone on entry to your house Hmm

feathermucker · 09/04/2017 08:15

Nothing to do with clutching pearls Hmm

Im not against introducing alcohol responsibly at the age the OP has, but you at least remain on the premises to ensure safety. Teenagers of this age are hardly going to exercise restraint.

Paul78 · 09/04/2017 08:15

I appear to be missing something.

The OP allowed random kids, she doesn't know, to get drunk at her house and then left them unsupervised with more than enough alcohol to be sick.

She has not gained consent of the parents, nor does she know enough to contact the parents.

With facebook and her daughter (who presumably knows her friends) I think it's more likely that the OP is hoping someone on here can somehow 'magic' everything away, before she has to explain herself to the girl's parents.

I would be going off my nut, if I found out someone had done this. Especially when they didn't have the courage to give me a call, so I could make the decision about my daughter.

This has no plan, no safeguards. What if the girl had wandered into town, what if some lads came over? What if she had fallen down the stairs? What if her friends thought it was funny to take pictures and post on Facebook?

You have no right to allow children you don't know to get illegally drunk.

Get this in your head, you could be prosecuted for this.

skerrywind · 09/04/2017 08:19

OP you should be ashamed.

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2017 08:21

People are saying it's not illegal - I was under the impression it is illegal to buy alcohol in order to give it to under 18. Quite strongly enforced in the supermarkets.
also the "better they do it at home otherwise they'll go wold when they're 18" is a really popular view but is not based on fact.
Do you also give them a few cigarettes every Friday and Saturday night, otherwise they'll go mad when they're 18?

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 08:21

Can't believe all the pearl clutching on here about 15 year olds getting drunk!! I'll bet the majority didn't wait until they were 18 before trying their first drink. I fully intend to do exactly what the OP has done when my DSs are that age. The only thing I wouldn't do is go out and leave them to itQuite frankly I'd much rather buy and control what and where my kids drink than them sneaking out to do it when god knows what could happen

I think you're missing the point somewhat. No one is disputing kids experiment with alcohol at that age and some get drunk, the issue people are against is parents providing it and with no oversight, the op didn't control it, she's got a pissed up puking 15 year old on her hands. If she'd responsibly provided alcohol and then controlled it this thread would not exist.

So basically you've just agreed with everyone else. Which is you also wouldn't throw 15 year olds booze and then fuck off and leave them to it.

No one is "cool" because they buy 15 year olds booze, in fact the opposite is true, it's extremely uncool.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2017 08:24

Why on earth did you post this OP?Confused

Didn't you think you'd get a shower of shit poured over your head for letting a random teenager drink unsupervised in your house til she ended up throwing it all back up?

Hope the girl's ok today.

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2017 08:24

You're the mum of the controlling bedtime but didn't supervise kids with alcohol? WTAF?!

^^This.

I can't actually believe you go from treating your teenage child like a nine year-old to providing alcohol and buggering off for the evening.

What is wrong with you?

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 08:27

In addition if something happened to that kid, i.e. They choked on their own vomit or died from alcohol poisoning the op would like face negligence charges. It's happened before.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/04/2017 08:27

I would have been furious if my children had been given alcohol at a sleepover at 15 - it would have been the last time they ever went there. What makes it worse is you left them totally unsupervised. There have been cases in the newspapers where underage teens have become seriously ill with alcohol poisoning at parties/gatherings were alcohol was provided by a parent who then left them to their own devices...The parent got arrested. Rightly so.

elodie2000 · 09/04/2017 08:28

done parenting classes, thanks. Also deliver them.

You deliver parenting classes yet you have a random teenager drunk & sick in your house (because you provided them with enough alcohol to get her in this state) , she is unable to unlock her phone for you so that you can call her parents and you are on MUMSNET asking for advice?

Are you for real?

Stop buying kids alcohol for a start. You really think having a good social life at 15 = getting drunk?

Etymology23 · 09/04/2017 08:30

I really don't think that an early introduction to alcohol is some sort of catastrophic occurrence.

I was allowed a vermouth and lemonade or whatever when I was maybe 14?

I used to go out to parties and drink, before I was 18. I also used to go to the pub and cycle home afterwards (again before I was 18). I also got 6 top grade a levels and went to Cambridge. Parties (and boys) and "concentrating" on getting to uni are not mutually exclusive.

Someone has definitely sneaked extra booze into that party. I wouldn't tell the parents and tbh I also wouldn't worry that much. When this happened at parties they'd generally be popped in the recovery position and left to it. Occasionally if someone has really done themselves in then parents would have to be called, or I've sat up most of the night keeping an eye on them, but most drunken vomiting incidents are not catastrophic.

(I am not, for reference, a heavy drinker - I probably average half a sherry a week now, so I don't think I've been encouraged into life long bad habits.)

I think going out may have been a mistake and if people have sneaked extra in then you need to discuss the fact that that isn't okay with your daughter. While I don't think having a drink at 15 is a problem, you are risking other parents wrath. (And I do agree with the "parents who don't let their kids drink just have them get wasted at uni " theory. Obvs it doesn't apply in all cases, but there were a lot of very drunk people when they hadn't drunk before. If their friends are decent and don't put photos up then you're not going to know about it!)

I would also note that despite what I've said above, drinking is never no risk and the safest thing to do is never drink at all. For a lot of people this is unrealistic, so then it's probably safer to make sure your kids understand how to drink responsibly.

ElsieMc · 09/04/2017 08:31

You need to be careful op because in my area there are front page features in the local papers about it being an offence to supply/buy alcohol to under 18's as a warning for the holidays. I think that a lot of people don't realise it is an offence.

When I was younger I can remember someone's child dying of alcohol poisoning at a house party in the town I lived.

I don't understand why you are asking permission from random people on the internet about parenting your dd in your earlier post. They don't know her, you do and if it feels wrong, sod everyone else. Its okay to promote being liberal with someone else's child.

A cider hangover is one your dd's friends will remember for a long time, it is just the worst.

SoupDragon · 09/04/2017 08:31

Personally I think it's responsible for you to let your DD drink supervised in a house environment

She was not supervised.

I'm not against teens having alcohol. I am against them being left unsupervised with a "holidays worth" of alcohol though. Thatisjust bloody stupid.

haveacupoftea · 09/04/2017 08:32

There has been an overreaction on this thread - ringing police Hmm

However OP you are totally fucking clueless. Bed at 9pm throughout the week and a stack of booze at the weekend Confused

The main thing is though, if other parents dont want their children to drink unsupervised they should have a choice in the matter!! What were you thinking?!?!

RockyBird · 09/04/2017 08:33

At 15/16 I was allowed one bottle of wine between me and my two or three friends that were round. We ALWAYS also had a bottle of vodka stashed.

WaitrosePigeon · 09/04/2017 08:36

Good god you cannot give other people's children alcohol without checking with the parents first Shock

WilburIsSomePig · 09/04/2017 08:36

I think some people are missing the point. I don't think it's about 15 year olds getting drunk, most of us did that didn't we?

For me it's about someone buying alcohol for 15 year old kids which are not theirs and they have no idea if these kids' parents would be OK with it.

15 year olds get drunk and push the boundaries, everyone knows that but I would not be impressed with any parent who gave my child alcohol, left them unsupervised to neck so much of it they were ill, then didn't let me know that they were unwell. And before anyone says 15 year olds don't need to be supervised - clearly this one did.

footballmum · 09/04/2017 08:36

No Bluntness I haven't missed the point. Lots of people, like you in your final paragraph, disagree with giving under 18s alcohol. In my opinion, that just leads to them going off god knows where to experiment with god knows what. It's not about "being cool" but actually controlling what they drink and where they drink it.

Where I do agree with PPs is that the OP shouldn't have left them unsupervised and should have checked with the parents of the other kids that they were ok with them having some alcohol (although I think that part has been presumed as the OP hasn't clarified). There's a lot of vitriol towards this particular OP and I suspect if it were a post where someone had said "my 15 year old has just come in drunk" there'd be plenty of replies saying "they're teenagers, they'll experiment, we all did it at their age". I'd put money on the fact that a good proportion of those who are disgusted about 15 year olds being given alcohol didn't wait until they were 18 before having their first drink.

StrawberryJelly00 · 09/04/2017 08:37

If you had allowed my underage child to consume alcohol on your premises without supervision I would contact the Police and inform the school.

Crap parenting

No way I 'd let you get away with it

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 08:38

Other parents should be given the choice. And I also agree that anyone stupid enough to buy alcohol for 15 year olds and leave them to it deserves all they have coming to them if something happens to one of those kids and you're hauled in front of the courts.

I'd also say if any of the other parents find out this is what you do, both you and your daighter will likely become social partiahs, because as you've seen from this thread the overwhelming majority of adults believe providing booze for 15 year olds and fucking off out is unacceptable. The other parents will feel the same.

And yes it is negligent.

DebiNewberry · 09/04/2017 08:38

I'm not sure I can square this with the bedtime thread + 'I deliver parenting courses'

As parent of teen I'd be pretty cross.

roundaboutthetown · 09/04/2017 08:38

If you are going to provide your 15 year old daughter with alcohol and let her invite random people round to your house, then you should bloody well stay in and provide a bit of supervision! I do not expect my children to go round to friends' houses and find alcohol freely available, plus plenty of peers applying pressure to join in and drink it, plus no adults in sight. They might as well have been drinking in the local park, for all the oversight they were getting. And what idiot thinks that parents providing alcohol stops kids trying to sneak in their own stronger drinks, too? All the parents do is increase the amount of alcohol that is freely available and increase the chances of children drinking who would not have had anything at all to drink, otherwise. You don't even know if any of these kids are diabetic, or how their parents view alcohol. They are still children, not officially adults, yet, and you have given them all unsupervised access to something that half their parents at least would still want to be kept firmly under adult supervision, or preferably avoided completely.

chocolateworshipper · 09/04/2017 08:42

I do hope the girl is ok. Unfortunately OP, unless you had express permission from the girl's parents that it was OK for her to drink alcohol, I would expect the parents to report it to school as a safeguarding issue and for you to get asked a lot of questions about your parenting.