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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
thisagain · 11/04/2017 06:52

Graphista my 14 year old/year 10 daughter doesn't drink. She rarely goes out with friends and if she does, it's shopping, going to an an ice cream parlour or the cinema. She is constantly snap chatting them and receiving texts though. She often tells me what is being said because she wants to.

She dances every night (with school friends and other friends) and plays instruments. She also has school work, is very competitive and cares very much her grades. She hates the taste of alcohol but is very much a stay in control type of person. Her 22 year old sister is the same. She says that she sees her friends all day at school and at dancing after school and wants the weekends at home.

I don't believe she is secretly drinking and I certainly don't place any restrictions. To my mind, she is just an average child and alcohol has never even come into the equation.

Violetcharlotte · 11/04/2017 07:28

My 15 year old DS drinks alcohol when he goes to parties and o let him have a beer at home if he wants to occasionally. We had one incident where someone had a bottle of vodka at a party and i got a call to pick him up as he was smashed out of his face.

Since then he's much more cautious, sticks to beer, and often ends up looking after others who have had to much to drink.

The situation the OP describes in her later post sounds very normal, I certainly wouldn't blame a parent for letting my son have a few drinks at a sleepover. The sickness sounds like a mixture of a day in the sun, not eating enough/ eating junk all day, plus a few drinks. This sort of stuff is how you learn. By going ballistic about it you just make teens become more secretive.

roundaboutthetown · 11/04/2017 07:45

There are massive lines between the controlling parents who go ballistic at every discovered infringement of their rules; parents who do nothing to encourage their children to drink; and parents who buy their kids their own personal stash of alcohol to keep in the fridge. The latter to me is weird, but possibly symptomatic of parents being heavy or regular drinkers themselves. Or do others not think it would be a bit odd for the child to have a stash of their personal alcohol in the fridge when the parents don't have their own regular supply?
All I have been told about alcohol indicates that children in the long run tend to follow their parents' drinking habits, with heavy drinkers more likely to have children who drink heavily. Obviously, there will be exceptions to this, and many teenagers like to experiment (but not all - some like to remain in control of their faculties, even in their teens).

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 07:58

I'm so glad you said that this because I was shot down in flames about 900 pages ago for suggesting my idea of a girl get together involved almost exactly what you have just confirmed your DD does : I added face masks and a film. Happily, it seems, that is still commonplace. I was told virtually that I came out of the ark with those fanciful ideas!!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 08:02

I don't think we have any evidence to suggest OP is a heavy drinker. She does drink. I think most of us think that she provides this alcohol to please her indulged child.

I drink - you might think heavily- up to the recommended unit limit every week, in the home. Has not crossed my mine EVER to even give my 15 yo a sip of my own wine.

Trifleorbust · 11/04/2017 08:19

Of course a 15 year old who is regularly allowed to indulge in 'a few drinks' is going to grow up imagining that 'a few drinks' is the norm and the responsible choice. I am not criticising anyone who enjoys a drink (I do myself) but that is a decision for an adult to make, not a child.

Roomster101 · 11/04/2017 09:46

The situation the OP describes in her later post sounds very normal, I certainly wouldn't blame a parent for letting my son have a few drinks at a sleepover. The sickness sounds like a mixture of a day in the sun, not eating enough/ eating junk all day, plus a few drinks. This sort of stuff is how you learn. By going ballistic about it you just make teens become more secretive.

It might be very normal in your world but that doesn't mean it's normal everywhere. I very much doubt that the 15 year old was sick from sunstroke/eating junk from a day in the park in April. It wasn't even that hot. That's just a convenient excuse. More likely she was sick from having alcohol because she isn't used to it and it wouldn't have happened if OP hadn't supplied alcohol.

Annahibiscuits · 11/04/2017 10:00

Even if you were totally stupid ok with providing alcohol for teenagers, surely any cognitive adult WOULDN'T after a day in the sun/eating crap

How the he'll is that teaching a child to drink responsibly

Violetcharlotte · 11/04/2017 13:00

Roomster but it doesn't sound like there was much alcohol available for the number of girls that were there? Can't have been more than a couple of cans of cider each by the sounds of it (unless they'd had more they hit hold of elsewhere which is obviously a possibility, but not the OPs fault!)

I do wonder what some of the posters who say they wouldn't let their teenagers alcohol think is going to happen on prom night at the after parties?!

thisagain · 11/04/2017 13:05

My 22 year never attended a prom after party. I think they existed but held by groups of kids who wanted to drink and not her circle of friends. Her focus was on an event before the prom and the prom itself. Neither involved alcohol. I don't expect my 14 year old daughter to be any different.

brassbrass · 11/04/2017 13:40

Thank you all so much for the support when I'm worried and trying to make sure a child is ok

Are you for real? The time to worry and make sure children are going to be ok is BEFORE you buy them alcohol when they are still underage.

It's parents like you that make it difficult for the responsible ones. You're not cool, you're not down with the youth you're a twat.

I allow my teens a taste of beer/prosecco/wine (no spirits) if we're having it in a family setting. I would not ply them with anything to drink with their friends and I certainly would not leave them unsupervised if I thought that that was on the cards. I would not assume responsibility for other people's children or parental permission regarding alcohol.

SuperFlyHigh · 11/04/2017 13:41

brass exactly! I think the phrase after the horse has bolted is apt here.

Annahibiscuits · 11/04/2017 13:43

violet its just not the case that we are all naive and sheltered, to think that teenagers won't drink. Some actually won't. Many will. But the objection is to these dozey parents thinking its a good idea to supply it

CottonSock · 11/04/2017 13:46

Op... when I was that age I used to pinch my parents booze, or just buy it. I hope she is ok as i have not read the thread, but I can't imagine its that unusual to try drink at that age... is it?

Roomster101 · 11/04/2017 13:48

Roomster but it doesn't sound like there was much alcohol available for the number of girls that were there? Can't have been more than a couple of cans of cider each by the sounds of it (unless they'd had more they hit hold of elsewhere which is obviously a possibility, but not the OPs fault!)

They may not all have had any alcohol though. Believe it or not, not all teenagers will drink even if it is available. My DD wouldn't have more than a taste whether or not others were drinking. Therefore, maybe a couple of girls drank the whole lot.

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 13:49

It's parents like you that make it difficult for the responsible ones. You're not cool, you're not down with the youth you're a twat.

How unfair on the OP who I doubt is trying to be "cool". I've rarely heard of parents not providing some alcohol at parties/gatherings since the age of about 15 and actually the only people I've heard of who've got totally drunk to an out of control level have been ones whose parents have been strictest about drinking.

The idea many 15 year olds aren't drinking when out at parties etc is fanciful.

stonecircle · 11/04/2017 13:49

I do wonder what some of the posters who say they wouldn't let their teenagers alcohol think is going to happen on prom night at the after parties?!

Violet - missing the point entirely. This is about a parent facilitating under-age drinking with unfortunate consequences. We can't always control what our teens get up to when they are away from home, but we don't have to facilitate drinking - especially not to excess - in our own homes.

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 13:52

But the objection is to these dozey parents thinking its a good idea to supply it

My parents supplied it for my 16th birthday. They were out and all the parents of friends who were there knew about it (many have done similar themselves). It was a great evening and no-one got remotely out of control. We had a set amount and it ensured no-one brought anymore and we made what we had last. They are far from unique and certainly not "dozy".

but I can't imagine its that unusual to try drink at that age... is it?

No it isn't.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 13:57

I can't believe some people on this thread.

You'd think she'd left them with a gig rider for Mottley Cruë, with instructions to cane the fucking lot.

Perhaps by buying some fairly lightweight alcohol and providing a venue OP was hoping to avoid the kind of scenario that some of you will end up with. I.e. a totally blotto teenager who is god knows where and with god knows who. Still at least you'll, enjoy blaming someone other than yourselves.

brassbrass · 11/04/2017 14:00

I couldn't have driven her last night because I'd been drinking.

missed this bit. Brilliant.

CottonSock · 11/04/2017 14:00

I'm with gin on this. Sometimes I think I have entered a parallel universe on mn threads

brassbrass · 11/04/2017 14:10

OP was hoping to avoid the kind of scenario that some of you will end up with

lol didn't the OP end up with that scenario herself? Wink

Cottongusset · 11/04/2017 14:11

WTF - I can't believe what I am reading. What colour is the sky in your world - you are out of your mind buying alcohol for underage children and them leaving them to their own devices. Totally irresponsible. Stop being a "cool" mum and grow up.

Tiredemma · 11/04/2017 14:11

Perhaps by buying some fairly lightweight alcohol and providing a venue OP was hoping to avoid the kind of scenario that some of you will end up with. I.e. a totally blotto teenager who is god knows where and with god knows who

Agree with you on this.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 11/04/2017 14:24

OP was hoping to avoid the kind of scenario that some of you will end up with

I won't end up with random children pissed on alcohol I bought and let them consume unsupervised in my house. Because I'm not an epic twat.