WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

[chastenedButStillSmiling]

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

Perhaps it's not so, but there does seem to be a motif of girls and alcohol running through this, which is actually backed up by the increased admission of girls to A and E with alcohol related illnesses and the increase of other alcohol related problems in young women.

Young girls , in particular, are prone to wanting to look 'grown up' and this should not be modelled by adults as a drinking culture.

They are also drawn to exactly the kinds of drinks that OP - and others - are providing : fruit flavoured fizzy drinks, prosecco etc

Source : IPSO Mori ; NHS ; my experience as a pastoral and safeguarding lead...

Gloria me too, especially as at a 15th party many attendees are likely to be 14 (unless you're the youngest in your group of friends)
no on interested in my space career then? Siggghh.

There was a report recently on alcohol admissions by sex, not sure if it ever got published but ill see if I can find it, it was really interesting.

I think it's the same one I've read but I am wary of starting up the statistical debate again...

I, for one ,am genuinely interested!

Gloria I don't have DC (shock horror!) but if I did I'd do the same as my mum did and restrict alcohol. If and when I got hold of it it was at family parties or drinking underage in pubs... However this was late 1980s so one would hope time and knowledge has moved on since then....

From what I know now re alcohol releasing inhibitions etc there's no way I'd allow a child of mind alcohol until they were at least 16 if not 18. Can't stop kids lying to get it but...

If that makes me strait laced etc so be it.

Here we are:
*
Teenage girls are the group most often treated in hospital for alcohol poisoning after harmful binges, show new statistics from a healthcare trust.

Women aged 15 to 19 were admitted to hospital for alcohol poisoning 1.4 times as often as young men in the same group.

The study, by the Nuffield Trust...
*

That's not the one I was thinking of. I will look when home.

The definition of alcohol admissions now includes FASD. Not relevant to this but useful and must be having an impact in the younger age groups.

Must admit re the mners saying 'mine doesn't drink' if I had received a £ for every drunk/high teen who's parents were of the very strict type, and thought THEIR child would never touch it that I dealt with in a&e I'd have had my OWN social life paid for then.

Even out of my own friends my age (mid-40's) only 1 genuinely didn't and still doesn't drink but she's got a medical condition where even one drink would make her seriously ill.

I'd say about 1/3 of them their parents would have sworn they didn't drink underage/get high who did.

And yes anecdotal but ime they were the ones getting absolutely bladdered!

Having a go at OP wouldnt solve this issue, she made a choice rightly or wrongly and this is what they have returned to find.
I wouldn't be letting my kid sleep through this, if she was involved in getting another girl this drunk or had any knowledge of what was consumed she can clean the puke, sit with the girl etc etc. At least she is under adult supervision now and that is what counts.
Informing the parents after the fact is probably a good idea, but realistically if you don't know them and the kid won't tell you their number/can't get into their phone there isn't anything to be done except say they cannot come to your house again. If the parents go apeshit then they go apeshit, I would be more annoyed if I had found this information out from another source than being told by the responsible parent about the drinking so you can only hope they remember being teenagers once....
I didn't have a wild childhood by any means but I still went and drank in the park with my friends as a teenager, I've been to parties where someone brought a bottle of vodka, quite a lot of the time people showed up to these parties totally hammered already.
my parents made sure alcohol was no mystery to us, if there was wine with dinner and we wanted to try it it was allowed from an early age (half a glass not a whole bottle each 😂😂) and both my parents were honest about their own experiences if we asked.
They bought me alcohol occasionally when I was underage, they are not irresponsible but I think realised that if I had my own I would be less likely to drink what was going around with god knows what in it. Plus if everyone else had a drink and I didn't I would have been much more likely to have wanted to drink whatever was going to compensate. They gave me a few alcopops at most, not a whole bottle of vodka or anything!
Most 15 year olds are more than capable of understanding the pros and cons of alcohol consumption, quite patronising to assume that they can't and we all know how much hormonal teenagers loooove to be patronised.
If they still make stupid choices after having it explained to them then they were going to make them anyway, teenagers are the sneakiest creatures on the planet, if your kid wants to get blotto that badly they will find a way, unless you have them on lockdown 24/7 and homeschool with no social activities (doesn't really sound healthy either) I for one would much rather it happened under more controlled circumstances.
Not all teens will drink, some will drink a lot, some will drink a little bit, they best you can do is educate them and hope they use it to make good choices, no point in being a prison warden...(even then they would probably ferment orange juice behind a radiator or something).
The girl at this sleepover could have already been totally wasted or getting to that point before she got there, pre drinking doesn't suddenly exist when you turn 18, the conversation could very well have been 'my mum brought us x amount of booze so predrink or it won't go far' that's hardly the OPs fault, split between 9 people the amount of booze mentioned wouldn't even get a buzz going!
With regards to medical issues, if my child had any medical complaint that could be relevant then I wouldnt be sending them to a sleepover without knowing the parent or at least knowing they were aware of the issue.
Maybe it's safer to assume that kids may well be exposed to alcohol in any environment that is not your own (booze doesn't have to be provided, kid at my school used to unscrew the back of his parents locked drinks cabinet to get at it, same kid also used to neck vodka in the loos at school so clearly there were other issues! ) and try and educate them on this premise rather than assuming your child is an angel and wouldn't touch a drop and being horribly surprised that they didn't realise that 10 tequila shots would have them in hospital rather than sticking with a few cans of cider and being merry.

Graphista!

It's really not necessary to have your teen on "24/7 lockdown" for them not to drink. The following factors help : having a teen who is happy not to follow the crowd, a teen with friends of the same mindset, a teen who lives rurally some distance from their peers so isn't popping around friends houses every 5 minutes

Jesus when will some of these arrogant posters understand that not all teens are the same (bit frustrated now 😬)

Must admit re the mners saying 'mine doesn't drink' if I had received a £ for every drunk/high teen who's parents were of the very strict type, and thought THEIR child would never touch it that I dealt with in a&e I'd have had my OWN social life paid for then.

As I said upthread, I have a 14.5 year old. He might be a bit unusual in that he's not very interested in going out in the evening, he occasionally goes out during the day, but is a bit of a homebody.

That being said, knowing what I was getting up to at 15, he'd certainly have a comprehensive homecoming if he were.

Given how incredibly sloppy my children have always been at concealing infractions (I can't be alone here), I don't know how he could get away with this one.

Gloria

Some are better at being deceptive than others, some parents are more easily deceived than others.

My dd is a horrendous liar (sneezes when she tries ), 16, has a drink or 2 occasionally, it's a thing among her friends to do so on birthdays but small group (7 of them) so not frequent. More likely to spend her money on her favourite fruity sweets, her bff is more a junk food fan.

My 16 year old doesn't drink alcohol because she doesn't like the taste. I'm aware that she might change her mind one day so I do talk to her about sensible drinking. I don't have a problem with her having a small amount of wine or beer etc but that doesn't mean I'm going to actually encourage it by buying her some and I certainly wouldn't buy her enough to share with her friends! What if their parents are doing the same thing?
Perhaps if parents stopped buying teenagers alcohol they wouldn't have the opportunity to drink much alcohol in the first place and they would be less likely to get drunk. I don't remember any parent doing that when I was a teenager (in the early 80s) and although we could get into pubs and I did drink from the age of about 16, I was restricted by the cost and by the fact that my parents didn't give me alcohol as well.

I think it's one thing, kids drinking under age. And another, having alcohol provided by parents. I left home when I was 16 and was definitely drinking before that. My parents let me drink a babysham at Xmas or a lager at a wedding etc. But buying a crate for your kid and their mates, is just damn stupid. It's a middle class thing, isn't it?

If I sent my 15 year old to a supervised sleepover and I found out that, not only was there no supervision, but the parent had provided my child with alcohol and she had drunk enough to pass out covered in sick, I would be beyond furious. I drank myself when I was too young to do so, but that doesn't mean I think it is appropriate and would be happy to facilitate it as an adult, especially when it isn't my decision because I am not the parent!

Shockingly irresponsible behaviour.

trifle I also would be fucking livid

However, having read the last post from OP it sounds more like sunstroke

Bollocks was it sunstroke.

Excuse language.

Well, if it was alcohol induced, I would probably have lamped OP

Sorry Soup put wrong name. Phone keeps jumping around while loading the page so post I am reading moves. Driving me mad. Will have to earn some patience before posting😀

Fair point, but I wouldn't believe her about the sunstroke tbh. Not when the alcohol was provided. And I think it is a bit off that the gathering was impromptu as well. Do people really let their 14/15 year old kids bring home unspecified numbers of friends 'for drinks' after a day in the park? The girl was probably already drunk - how would the OP know?

From what I have understood from chastenedButStillSmiling's posts the DD was out at the park when OP & DH went on a planned evening out. DD phoned OP to ask if she could bring friends back and then subsequently asked if one friend could sleep over. OP & her DH called a halt to their evening out and came home to find vomitous friend.

From my understanding of the OP's posts she hadnt left alcoholic drinks for this impromptu gathering rather she had purchased some drinks for her DD to have throughout the holiday.

In those circumstances if I was parent of vomitous girl I would not be angry with OP. I wouldnt be angry with vomitous girl either but I would be having conversation with her about risks of drinking and its consequences.

My DCs are now 17 and older. My experience of teenagers is that many drink but also many dont drink but all the drinkers seem to overestimate the amount they could drink.

Roomster I was going to post the same about my 26yo! I have to say I only like the taste of certain beers and ciders.