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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
packofshunts · 10/04/2017 08:45

This thread puts me in mind of the latest "Child of Our Time" series and the bit where a girl was having a party for her 16th.

The parents supplied them with tons of alcohol and within (I think) an hour they were all paralytic, vomitting and semi-conscious. Parents attitude "oh well, at least it's under our roof and it's good opportunity to learn self-regulation" HmmConfused

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:51

I've recorded that series so haven't seen that yet! Interesting.

I just don't get it. I like alcohol and am not anti drinking. But while people aren't allowed to drink, are too young to drink, I don't get parents who are 'encouraging' it , normalising it and/or adding to the stock of presumably illicitly procured alcohol.

A bit of alcohol at an 18th - OK. 16th , no.

In the US the drinking age is 21. Yes, that brings its own issues : but very very few parents would therefore be supplying booze to their teenagers in their homes.

Apparently my bewilderment and despair is sneering , though.

Very few people have actually sneered by commenting on their own perfect children as it goes : the focus has been on trying to persuade the OP that she could have made different decisions.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:54

I'll leave this here:

*•The UK chief medical officers recommend an alcohol-free childhood is the healthiest and best option1.
•Research shows that the earlier a child starts drinking, the higher their chances of developing alcohol abuse or dependence in their teenage years and adult life – find out the risks of drinking underage2.
•In 2014, 38% of 11 to 15 year olds had tried alcohol at least once, the lowest proportion since the survey began3.
•Almost 65,000 young people every year need treatment in hospital A&E departments because of alcohol4.
•UK teenagers are amongst those most likely in Europe to report frequently drinking heavily and being intoxicated5.

As a GP, I see the effects of underage drinking. It really worries me that 37% of parents of 10-17 year olds think that an acceptable age for a young person to have their first drink of alcohol is before the age of 16. That’s a drink, not just a sip. What’s more, 64% of parents agree it’s inevitable that most children will drink alcohol before 16 years old6. However the reality is that as parents, we’re the first people kids turn to for advice on alcohol. We have a crucial role to play in delaying the age at which our children have their first drink.*
Dr Sarah Jarvis

Willow2017 · 10/04/2017 08:56

Soup
My teen rarely goes anywhere so I know what he is doing thanks. He spends all his time on his phone or console talking to his mates who all live miles away! Or they come here for the day. Never offered them alcohol though never crossed my mind Shock shoot me now.

Last party he was invited to there was to be alcohol apparently! Why I do not know but at least the parents were going to be there. He decided himself not to go in the end.

Plus he hates the taste of beer and wine Smile he has tried it at home. Wont even eat a pudding with alcohol in it.

Willow2017 · 10/04/2017 08:59

And being shocked that a parent supplies alcohol to a young teen and their friends to 'chill out in the holidays with' is not sneering its common sense.

I stand by what I said I would be furious with them.

stonecircle · 10/04/2017 09:19

I'd also see no need whatsoever to get my dd a supply of alcohol in for the holidays wtaf!

I don't know any parents who would do that.

hmcAsWas · 10/04/2017 09:29

I also know what my teen gets up to.

We live rurally that helps - so any meet ups with friends tend to occur only during weekends or school holidays and involve me or dh giving her a lift. No meeting in parks to chug a four pack.

We discussed this thread - I told her that I would be prepared to arrange socials at our house where alcohol is available when she is around 17 (not in Y10!!) so that she starts to learn how to manage it prior to university...and so that it doesn't become a big taboo thing that she has been forbidden (with massive excitement attached to it). She looked at me quizzically and said that's fine but she wouldn't be drinking it because she finds the taste repellent.

It is surprising that those posters on this thread who have teenagers who drink alcohol with friends are blind to the possibilities that there are many who don't.

I saw that Child of our Time programme packofshunts and yes my reaction was wtf?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 09:30

Willow, I do feel better now. My DS and yours sound the same and sometimes on MN , I feel like my boy is some kind of mutant.

Smile
MissDuke · 10/04/2017 09:51

OP your dd opened all of the alcohol that was intended to last the whole holidays and you have no problem with that? She proved herself to be extremely irresponsible, I hope you have taken something from that as you seem to be continuing to defend your position?

Also this - I didn't think it would be drunk here, as mostly they've had afternoons in parks or evenings in each others houses
You seriously bought it for them to drink in the park? Confused Or for it to be another parents problem in their house?

I am sorry you don't feel you got the support you needed but this really wasn't the place to post for support, of course you are going to get a hard time for supplying alcohol to teens, especially when you intended for it to be drunk elsewhere.

nursy1 · 10/04/2017 10:06

Had a similar thing happen at DD 15 birthday. Had provided a weak alcoholic punch thing but the girls had brought vodka in their handbags. Two of them puking everywhere. I had to literally hose them down on our deck. Checked on them hourly rest of night. Linened em all up early next morning in kitchen Explained strengths of alcohol units. ( vodka as opposed to cider etc) then called parents and explained. Were all fine with it and apologies from kids. Apart from the Dad of the worst offender who said his daughter had " never done anything like that before and wasn't allowed to drink at home". Other parents said otherwise as to her behaviour at their houses but there you go. DW too much. It's a learning curve parenting isn't it

Orlantina · 10/04/2017 10:14

It's a learning curve parenting isn't it

Indeed. Maybe the op should have gone a parenting course...

hippyhippyshake · 10/04/2017 10:37

chastened if you take only one thing from this thread, please consider that buying alcohol for your 15 year old child is something that isn't necessarily the norm. Let alone a holiday's worth, unsupervised consumption, and involvement of other people's children who could be considerably younger/on medication.

hippyhippyshake · 10/04/2017 10:39

Oops! Sorry, everyone has already said that....

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 10:39

I've just been to Sainsburys.

I know I am repeating myself, but as a cider drinker, I am really concerned about parental attitudes to cider.

Cider is one of the most drunk drinks by teenagers : it's palatable, often sweetened and fruity these days so it tastes like Vimto and is fizzy.

It's like a training course in boozing

The OP thinks nothing of buying her DD and friends the strongest available cider I could find today in the supermarket...:

Strongbow 5 % ABV . Rekordlig Fruit Cider 6% , Premier Cru 7%...

When did cider become not alcohol?!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 10:42

nursy, I'm not sure your scenario IS similar. At all. Other than the puking.

You made sure what you gave those girls was really low in alcohol.

Although it's a theory, there's no actual evidence OP's girls smuggled alcohol in.

Sallystyle · 10/04/2017 10:45

I'm amazed at how many gullible parents there are out there who are soooooo sure about what their kids are getting up to when not in sight. It's scary man

What has that got to do with anything? Maybe I have missed it but I didn't read anyone saying that their teens would never drink alcohol or that they know exactly what they are up to when they are out of sight?

That isn't the point. I would be angry at another adult buying their 15 year old alcohol to share with my 15 year old, in the park or in the home.

Teens will experiment with alcohol, they will do shit we don't really want them to do. I just don't expect a grown arse adult to facilitate my 15 year old drinking unsupervised in the park.

I would also wonder what the fuck was wrong with a person who thought supporting a social life means supplying alcohol to underage teens. I would be fucked off that you didn't even ask me first if it was OK by me and then left my kid puking on their stomach and instead of trying your hardest to contact me you asked my child if you should call me instead.

It's crazy that anyone can support what you did here.

Willow2017 · 10/04/2017 10:48

Ilikebeans
Yep another 'rural' Mnetter here.

I am just gearing myself up to haul his ass to the recycling centre, charity shop to drop stuff off and to get the shopping. You will probably hear his arguments aginst why he doesnt need to go 'outside' where you are Smile I want his muscles with the charity shop stuff wish me luck!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 10:49

Well said U2

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 10:51

Haha yup Willow.

Mine is upstairs 'revising' and drinking Diet Dr Pepper; don't think it's laced with Schnapps

He may not go outside til school starts again.

Roomster101 · 10/04/2017 10:58

I would be furious if another parent gave my child alcohol and that resulted in them getting so drunk that they were vomiting. Parents who do this alway come up with the crap that they provide alcohol so they drink it under their supervision when in fact they aren't even supervising them. It doesn't seem to occur to them that if no parent provided alcohol in the first place children would have less access to alcohol and less opportunity to get drunk.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 10/04/2017 11:18

It's a learning curve parenting isn't it

Yes it is, but does anyone actually need to learn "don't give random teenagers alcohol"? Isn't that in the fucking obvious category along with "don't let toddlers play with knives" and the like?

SuperFlyHigh · 10/04/2017 13:42

In future OP maybe take the time to find the WWYD part (there is one here) rather than blindly posting (though you weren't panicked) and risking AIBUers getting het up or concerned about a teenager having drunk too much.

still don't believe your parenting classes stuff but funny though!

SuperFlyHigh · 10/04/2017 13:44

Dingdong ah but the teenager who was sick OP knew her inasmuch that she knew her address as her own DD had stayed with her 4 times previously.

Let's ignore the other random Unknown teens and their welfare.

SoupDragon · 10/04/2017 15:51

Soup
My teen rarely goes anywhere so I know what he is doing thanks.

Not sure why you're being snarky to me Confused

GloriaGilbert · 10/04/2017 15:58

Had a similar thing happen at DD 15 birthday. Had provided a weak alcoholic punch thing but the girls had brought vodka in their handbags.

I am genuinely shocked that people provide alcohol for a 15th birthday. Did you check with all the parents of the attendees to confirm their agreement?

WTF?

I have a 14.5 year old and I am lightyears away from allowing alcohol.