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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 10/04/2017 02:00

ILike and porter I've RTFT too. I'm just glad the girl's OK and everyone's happy. Smile

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 10/04/2017 02:05

Not when you've been listening for 20 minutes Stealth! Grin

GinIsIn · 10/04/2017 02:45

So your DD, who you control to the extent of enforcing a 9pm bedtime, has stayed there 4 times but you never thought to get the parents' numbers? Right.... Hmm

OITNY · 10/04/2017 02:54

I'd have been a bit miffed as her parent (mainly because I am useless with puke and I can't be doing with hungover teenagers), but would also be glad she was safe and that you had cared for her. 15 year olds will be turds no matter where they are. It is your house, if you leave alcohol for the consumption of your DD that is your business, if parents leave their kids come over to yours they HAVE to assume at age 15 that there's a risk of someone having a sly bottle of vodka etc. We always had one Grin it was never the fault of the parents, but our own responsibility to be sensible at that age. I have fond memories of my 15 year old best friend vomiting Strongbow like a fountain after 2/3 of a pint, the most important lesson of the evening being to NEVER take that friend drinking ever again GrinGin

You don't deserve all the abuse in this thread.

Howlongtilldinner · 10/04/2017 04:52

reactivedog I echo all you say..

OP I would leave this thread well alone now if I were you..

StealthPolarBear · 10/04/2017 06:54

Did I mention I've recently become an astronaut? Yeah. Moon landing planned for 2019.

peachgreen · 10/04/2017 07:27

I can't believe how many people in this thread think it's okay to buy and supply alcohol to other people's underage children without said parents' permission or knowledge. Baffling.

Orlantina · 10/04/2017 07:37

the alcohol was brought in for general use by DD for the holidays and maybe beyond. I'd expected her to share it, but not had conversations with the other parents

So you - someone who runs parenting classes- brought alcohol for the holidays for your DD to share with her friends but hadn't bothered to tell their parents?

Aren't you the cool parent?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 07:56

I had stepped away from the thread but have juts read your update...

Your defenders say you are being polite. You are but you appear to have learnt not one single lesson (well, OK, recovery position which you should have known) from all this, so here they are:

  1. not all teenagers can handle any alcohol at all
  2. not all parents by any stretch think it's OK for teenagers to drink so you need to ask
  3. not everyone agrees you should stock alcohol in your house in any quantity for your child, let alone others' children
  4. there is a difference between letting your child have a small glass of wine with you and buying them their own alcohol
  5. you shouldn't be associating alcohol with a good time for your child : which you have done several times and keep defending this position.

Do you reflect at all, OP??

And, anyway, NOW (unless you have expressed yourself badly again) you seem to be saying you bought the alcohol so it COULD be consumed unsupervised IN THE PARK. Lots of your supporters said 'will at least they aren't drinking in a park..'

There were a few legal experts on here before who were very frim with SPB on the grounds that children can consume alcohol IN THEIR OWN HOME.

Please tell me you have expressed this badly and that you didn't buy booze for your own child to pool with other ill advised alcohol supplies in a park and become every neighbourhood and neighbourhood bobby's scourge (and be at significant levels of risk as outlined by many nostalgic park drinkers earlier in the thread!)

Please come out of denial. And please go back to over protecting your daughter. I liked your parenting better then. (or maybe some kind of middle ground... although I liked the vision of a tucked up a 10 pm teenager best)

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:02

Can I also ask - you keep saying you wanted 'advice'? Since you ignored / couldn't call the parents, what other advice did you want?

You didn't want much of the advice, however aggressively put , that you did get (such as 'don't give alcohol to other people's children').

I've racked my brain and can't think of any other advice one could give - on either side of the argument or in the middle- that wasn't given on this extensive thread so I am baffled.

Reactivedog · 10/04/2017 08:05

There were a few legal experts on here before who were very frim with SPB on the grounds that children can consume alcohol IN THEIR OWN HOME

Gosh MrsJamieFraser a bit of a dig again.

The advice was absolutely correct and it was right to say that in the face of the hysteria about it being against the law (and calling the police).

That is facts, nothing to do with defending anyone.

Some posters are utterly obsessed with their own interrogation skills and superior parenting.

Reactivedog · 10/04/2017 08:11

DD and I had been out doing stuff during the day. DH and I went out at around 6. DD had gone out at around 5:30... her mates had all been in local park during the afternoon, and she joined them later

The alcohol was in the fridge.

How on earth your powers of analysis took that to mean that they were drinking in the park is beyond me.

This thread is full of imagination and sneering.

pilates · 10/04/2017 08:12

Op, please learn from this. I think the majority of people are trying to help you not make a bad decision again. I know you can't control other people's children and what they do but you need to instil the words "not on my watch". Luckily for you all turned out ok, but it could of been a different story and no one would ever want to be in that position. I really hope you are not doing it to be the cool parent and to make your DD cool too.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:16

Reactiv no need to jump down my throat (and I AGREED with the legal experts so that was not a dig at all.)

Read the OP's update properly and you will see why I am confused. She says

I didn't think it would be drunk here, as mostly they've had afternoons in parks or evenings in each others houses.

I have said that that may be bad wording...

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:18

Sorry, the bold didn't work, so to clarify:

' I didn't think it would be drunk here '....afternoons in the park

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:19

So, not imagination at all. The sneering comment I can take. But not the imagination as that is what OP wrote.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:21

Reactiv but thanks for adding to my memory of the legal advice given along the lines of pay no heed to people who say they would call the police. You are right : this is yet more (correct) advice OP was given and yet she says she was only ever given one bit of advice!

SoupDragon · 10/04/2017 08:22

the alcohol was brought in for general use by DD for the holidays and maybe beyond. I'd expected her to share it, but not had conversations with the other parents. I don't think it's my business to do so. I didn't think it would be drunk here, as mostly they've had afternoons in parks or evenings in each others houses.

Seriously?? You think this is OK? That is idiotic.

Yes, I have bought my teen DS alcohol (he was nearly 17) but only enough for his own consumption and only enough for that one social occasion. I will not buy it for his younger brother until he is the same age, even though I know he's had alcohol at friends houses.

Clearly the parenting classes you apparently teach do not cover teenagers.

gamerchick · 10/04/2017 08:25

This thread is full of imagination and sneering

Heh it's full of summick all right. Eyes have gone under a cabinet somewhere. Grin

I'm amazed at how many gullible parents there are out there who are soooooo sure about what their kids are getting up to when not in sight. It's scary man Halo

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:33

If anyone's gullible it's OP, who put alcohol in her house to be drunk by her own daughter possibly in the park and her friends and didn't think it might not end terribly well.

Mammysin · 10/04/2017 08:36

You seem to veer from claustrophobically controlling to actively neglectful and passive/indifferent when there is something to be concerned about. But the girl is just a random teen to you, not a vulnerable girl, or friend of your dd. Your poor dad, she must be mortified! Please, please introduce yourself to parents who have appropriate boundaries and copy them slavishly. This should appeal to your love of extremes.

stonecircle · 10/04/2017 08:38

Gamer chick - can't you see a difference between what kids might get away on their own and what is facilitated by an adult?

Porpoiselife · 10/04/2017 08:40

If my 15 year old daughter got drunk at a friends house on alcohol the parent had bought I'd be furious.

My dd has been raised with alcohol being a normal part of meals, wine with dinner etc and that a social drink is fine , so not used for purely getting wasted. So she's not likely to go mad when faced with a bit of drink.

However, if her friends were round , I have no idea what exposure they've had or how sensible they would be drinking anything and would therefore never provide it to 15 year olds to just drink together. I'd also see no need whatsoever to get my dd a supply of alcohol in for the holidays Shock wtaf!

Thankfully that girl is ok OP but what the hell were you thinking?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 10/04/2017 08:40

I did notice on the bedtime thread that OP actually says there that she 'facilitates' her DD's social life so the clues were there : just didn't get developed at the time.

SoupDragon · 10/04/2017 08:42

I'm amazed at how many gullible parents there are out there who are soooooo sure about what their kids are getting up to when not in sight.

I have a very good idea of what my kids are getting up to when not in sight. Funnily enough, I was a teenager once.