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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 20:22

I have also just noticed she says in her OP that she 'doesn't know how to contact her parents' and then in her update says she asked the girl if she could and the girl said no.

hmmmm...

We can't rewrite events as we go along to provide a better narrative !

Ojoj1974 · 09/04/2017 20:40

I think 15 is too young to be drinking unless with parents/family over a supper or dinner. Did this girl bring some extra alcohol or did you supply quite a lot?

What should you do? Call her parents and then decide whether she should stay or be collected.

porterwine · 09/04/2017 20:45

ILikeBeansWithKetchup yes true! A lot of people jumping in unaware of the full story. I have my insomnia to thank for my full attendance on this thread.
It would've been better to have all the info right from the start I do agree.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 20:52

I do think the thread might go on forever going round in circles porter Grin

TrollMummy · 09/04/2017 20:55

A 15 year old getting drunk and throwing up is one thing but a 15 year old getting drunk and throwing up on alcohol given to her by her friends parents is another. Bearing in mind the OP didn't even this girl or her parents, I think she got off lightly. Although the girls parents also have to take responsibility as they allowed their DD to stay the night at a strangers house with no clue about what she was doing or who she was with.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 09/04/2017 21:07

I can vouch for Stealth, I'm sure a few others on this thread can too. Hmm

Graphista · 09/04/2017 21:24

Porterwine I read all the op's posts, I skipped a lot of the stats derail.

The first post does NOT say it was a spontaneous sleepover/meet up at all!

Op didn't know the child who got sick, didn't know their parents, didn't even have contact details for them in an emergency! admits they didn't know any of the children well. Didn't check with the parents herself that the children were even allowed to her house.

The drunk girls parent apologising (if that's even true) frankly shows THEY are just as irresponsible. My dd (now 16) doesn't stay over at the home of ANYONE I don't know well, without them having my contact number. If they ever did (wouldn't happen) it would be without my knowledge and I'd have been calling dd at 10/11 pm to get backside home!

Op has backtracked, dripfed, changed facts...

If ANY of this is true it is shocking!

I'd have gone through op and her dh!

greeneyedlulu · 09/04/2017 21:26

Well I feel like a better parent after reading this..... my 3 year old never gets drunk Grin

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 09/04/2017 21:41

Stealth are you like my XH who's a zoologist? Do you have to be told that people's eyes are glazing over? Wink

Unihorn · 09/04/2017 21:51

I've just RTFT and am quite amused at the turn it took.

FWIW from about Year 10 my friends and I would drink socially at each others' houses and our parents knew. We had lambrini the first time it happened (I know) and cider and wine most of the time after that. I was the sick girl who was found by my friend's mum once. I woke up on my friend's living room floor though... It hasn't had any detrimental effects on me, other than I didn't drink very much during my late teens compared to most.

All of our parents knew each other though so it's probably slightly different in that situation!

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2017 21:55

Thank you evil. Yes probably, dh can only smile and nod so much. That said a zoologist does sound interesting!

kierenthecommunity · 09/04/2017 21:56

The first post does NOT say it was a spontaneous sleepover/meet up at all!

It does. It says something like 'we've just got home, DD has invited friends back'

Not 'my DD had a load of pals round, we left them a load of booze and fooked off out leaving them to it' Grin

Howlongtilldinner · 09/04/2017 22:21

Cannot believe this thread is still running Shock

graphista if anyone needs to go to a class, I suggest you do...anger management..your posts are truly vehementHmm

Reactivedog · 09/04/2017 22:41

Neither can I. We just need some more posts 'vouching' for stealth now, long after that was done and dusted Grin

Willow2017 · 09/04/2017 22:42

Keiran

OP DOES state that she has bought alcohol for her daughter and friends

Which means we've been buying alcohol for her to share with her friends

So in stock because it's the holidays I've got 4 x bottles of a citrus lager another 4 x bottles of a citrus lager. 2 bottles of premium cru cider and there's prosecco in the fridge

She has no right to buy alcohol for her dds friends whom she doesnt even know! She doesnt even know the parents, has no contact numbers for should there be an emergency.

Its not her call.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 09/04/2017 22:45

I can vouch for SPB

Grin

I hear she is an acclaimed statistician

Wink
Graphista · 09/04/2017 22:47

The alcohol already bought in, the wording regarding the sleepover indicated to me and many others it was a prearranged thing.

And yes I am angry with op - but not generally so no I don't need anger management Hmm

The op acted incredibly irresponsibly with someone else's child to the point that child could easily have ended up hospitalised or worse and didn't even have something as basic as the parents contact information. Dangerously irresponsible.

Howlongtilldinner · 09/04/2017 22:53

and yes I'm angry with op

Trust me graphista you DO need anger managementHmm

Graphista · 09/04/2017 22:58

You don't even know me please don't comment toward me again

Sallystyle · 09/04/2017 23:13

I've recently started buying alcohol for DD for her to share with her friends. She's never been drunk.

So you did buy alcohol for 15 years olds to drink.

WTF is wrong with you? I will happily let my 15 year old have a drink with a meal, with me there supervising. I wouldn't even mind my 13 year old having a small drink with me. I am all for teens having a drink with their parents to help them learn about drinking responsibly (although I'm sure most will still go out and get rip roaring drunk) but I will never, ever provide drinks for my children's 15 year old friends.

Your OP shows some pretty messed up thinking. Supporting her social life by buying her drinks to share with friends? I support my 15 year old's social life by helping him with money so he can go to the cinema, not buying him alcohol. At age 15 they shouldn't need alcohol to have a good social life.

You have no right to buy drinks for your daughter to share with her friends and I would not be happy with you at all. You have no right to make the decision that it is ok for other 15 year olds to drink.

Then you put her on her front and wondered if you should inform her parents the next day?

So yes, I think you were neglectful and I did read your update.

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 23:16

Can't believe this is still going on.

Graphista, the alcohol was brought in for general use by DD for the holidays and maybe beyond. I'd expected her to share it, but not had conversations with the other parents. I don't think it's my business to do so. I didn't think it would be drunk here, as mostly they've had afternoons in parks or evenings in each others houses.
They've drunk most of it and I'm not rushing out to restock. I posted earlier today about how none of the evening was pre-arranged other than me and DH being out. I'm sorry your angry with me, but I'm only a stranger on the internet.

For those saying "drip feed", I'm very sorry. That wasn't intentional. My title isn't AIBU it's a typo'd WWYD.... In my other thread, I was accused of "drop feeding" (rather than drip feeding). A phrase I'd never seen here before. And there were posts saying things like 'I feel like I know OP's DD better than my own child'. I actually didn't think you'd all think it was relevant that our night out was prearranged and DD's friends over was spontaneous.... The important thing was that a child had been sick in my kitchen. I said that we'd been out but not very late.
We'd come home early because the kids were round. We dealt with it as best as we thought we could given that we'd been out drinking ourselves. We did all we could to make sure all the kids were ok, not traumatised and got home safe. We spent a good hour chatting to DD after the others went and puker was in bed. I then sat up for a while to monitor her and make sure she was ok, and thought I'd spend that time on MN and here was a potential thread that could give me advice. Other than "use the recovery position rather than putting her on her front", it wasn't a great deal of use. But I did do that after reading it on here.

Before DD and I put her to bed, I asked sick girl if she wanted me to call her parents. If she'd said yes, I'd have used her phone. She said no and we put her to bed, which i thought was the best place for her. After I'd put her to bed, I couldn't call her parents as I don't have their number and didn't know her phone code.

DD has stayed over at hers maybe 4 times. She's stayed here twice before yesterday. I don't know and haven't spoken to her parents, but i know where she lives. I couldn't have driven her last night because I'd been drinking.

Sorry if there are any other points I haven't answered. I posted this because I was hoping for advice, but basically got slaughtered. And most (to be fair, not all) slaughterings were based on assumptions wrongly made.
I don't have an issue with MN making assumptions.... You're only told what you're told with an OP, and you have to fill in the gaps. But I was worried about a child last night and was looking for advice and basically just got ripped a new one. I didn't find it especially helpful.

And saying "well, the OP dripfed" as an excuse for not backing down/now understanding/changing position/saying sorry is quite ungracious.

I understand why this thread was angry. But I could have really used your help and advice last night, and didn't really get that. I think that's a shame.

OP posts:
Reactivedog · 09/04/2017 23:29

I understand why this thread was angry. But I could have really used your help and advice last night, and didn't really get that. I think that's a shame

So do I, typical hysterical and unhelpful responses.
You have remained unfailingly polite in the face of some horrible, nasty comments.

owenjonesismyhero · 09/04/2017 23:29

I can't add any more advice here except if child (or anybody else for that matter) has an iPhone, if it needs a code you can bypass that by pressing emergency, then press medical ID and IF that person has filled in their data in the Health App (the one with the heart on iPhone 5 and later) there are contact details you can access.

I encourage you kids/friends/partners to fill it out and you all to know about it !

Graphista · 09/04/2017 23:35

You did get advice. I and others advised you put her in recovery position, stay with her last night and call her parents. Only one of which you did.

Please source a first aid course - there are lots of good quality free ones.

Please if you are caring for other people's children (whether they are sober or not) overnight ensure you have contact details for emergencies (emergencies that aren't even anyone's fault can happen like a fall or appendicitis).

Personally I always have contact details for parents, won't have people staying I don't know well and know their parents well, ditto if dd staying elsewhere and they know my contact details and I ensure my phone not on silent.

stonecircle · 10/04/2017 00:28

I would be deeply deeply unimpressed with you op, if I had a15 year old DD who was staying with you and you didn't tell me that she'd made herself sick on the alcohol you'd supplied her with and you were now having to watch over her to make sure she is ok.